Restless mind syndrome

I just made something up, or maybe I didn’t, I haven’t googled it or anything. But I can’t shut my brain off to save my life. I can tell it’s wearing on my dog too because she isn’t getting much sleep either. It’s really a fucking mess. Okay, so I’ll give you a play by play.

I didn’t hear from evil all weekend but I figured out it was probably due to the fact that his parents were gone and his brother was covering for them. Those two are thick as thieves and he will say whatever to distract me so they can do whatever. Not that I think he was getting into serious  trouble or anything but I obviously because I don’t want to be apart of it he wouldn’t bother to let me know what he was doing. So what did I do? The WORST thing I could do. I ran back to good.

Is it so bad to feel wanted? I ran back to him. We didn’t do anything. Just kissed. But that’s the same thing that I did when I saw evil last week. Although I didn’t admit to good that I still love him, because I’m not quote sure what the fuck I’m even doing. I know I just lured back in and got his hopes way the fuck up for some reconciliation. Am I ready for a relationship? I can’t even get up and take a shower in the morning without taking my medication everyday. I know that’s a sad thought, But it’s true. Now I’m trying to relax and watch tv and all I want to do is get up and move every ten seconds, so I only felt it was appropriate to blog. Put my jitteryness to use by taping these keys.

I’m so good at solving other peoples problems but not my own. Why the fuck is that? So anyway, good told me that my ex friend A was asking about me a couple weeks ago but he wouldn’t share any information. She was just looking for gossip, I doubt it was for any general concern.

Evil’s mom said he said he was going to call me, I have yet to receive that call. Why do I let myself get caught up? It’s like when we’re in the moment we want to believe everything is the truth, but then we sit back and reflect on it and we know it’s all bullshit, and we only hear what we want to hear. But deep down inside we knew it all along. I could fucking kick myself for all my bad actions lately. I really fucking could. But you can’t change anything. I really freaked out on my therapist today, she told me to go to a hospital….. I told her they would probably put me on psych hold because of my mania/manic jibber jabber. I hate being bipolar.

I also wanted to let you know having a pen pal is COOL. I got this in the mail today and you should be jealous. We have been pen pals since like 2008 or something! Thanks C!

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PS Meds I think started to kick in. Starting to feel a little relaxed. Hope I did not jinx it gotta wake up early for an appointment before work EEK.

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meow =^^=

I am (almost) 29, from Detroit, MI, I love music (SUCHHHHHH a huge part of my life), Hello Kitty, glitter, unicorns, my dog, the color pink, clothes, traveling, friends, laughing, and living life. I was a small business major in college, and I currently work in advertising. I like the internet, playing on it and communicating on it. It's pretty neat. I decided to start a this happy/positivity blog because I've had way too much negative energy in my life for well, most of it. It's really been taking up a lot of my head space for most of my life and consuming me. I don't think I've necessarily had it "easy" mentally growing up because I was diagnosed as ADHD and as an adult I was diagnosed as bipolar. It's very easy to get caught up in negativity and distracted when you have either one of these, let alone both. So, shit, might as well do something that I already do everyday (go on the internet) and put shit out on the internet to find since I work in advertising anyway. Oh well, I guess if the only person that reads is me, well, then at least it helps me.

Leave a comment bitches <3