Blue sky action

I took full advantage of this beautiful day! I was such a bum yesterday and literally slept the entire day. I think I had some kind of bug or something. Needless to say it’s gone! I feel FANTASTIC today. My dog woke me up around 8 AM, probably because I never let her out last night. I got ready and jazzed up and make some phone calls. THEN here’s the fantastic part. I went to my old work to meet up with my friend and they had a pizza party for lunch, and she brought me some pizza! Haha take that fucktards! I’m hijacking your pizza party even after you fire my ass. Mwuahahahahaha. I also had it out with my HR department for never getting back to me about my paycheck, despite telling me yesterday she would. I called her, emailed her, then I finally said fuck it and called the main headquarters. Sure enough after I talked with them I got an email from her. I have clearly said to her that I just want to be done with the company already, and basically hurry the fuck up so I can go away forever.

I also heard some shady shit that’s going on at work. (No surprise) But my name is STILL coming up. Are you kidding? I mean come the fuck on. It flatters me that people give that many fucks about me, and that they keep bringing my name up this long after I leave. Get over yourselves.

Anyway, after I met up with my friend she decided it was way too nice outside to go back to work. (and my old boss knew she was meeting up with me…. what a bad influence) We hit up Walmart and I did enough grocery shopping for me & Maizy both that should last us a couple of weeks. My friend and I also decided to put on dresses. I mean shit it’s perfect dress weather!

Oh also I finally got my new front door and screen door! Yay! Ask, believe, and you shall receive. I swear when the sun is out, nothing bad can happen. I definitely think I had some seasonal depression, but you would too if you had Michigan weather. Spring tortures us with like one super nice day early on, then it gets cold as fuck for a few more weeks, then maybe another nice day here or there. We say if you don’t like the weather, just wait 5 minutes. It’s true, so when we get these nice days I really enjoy them.

The image of the song that I posted is one of my “happy songs” and today it was fitting. It was nice to have my sun roof open, blasting this song, hair waving all over the place, no fucks given at all. My “happy songs” are songs that I can listen to and they will instantly put me in a good mood. I have attached the video for your listening enjoyment. It’s house music, so it might not be your taste, but my taste is everything. You really should listen to it despite it not being your taste!

My mom also adopted a new dog today! She’s so fucking cute. Her name currently is Dot but they are working on another name. Here’s some pics of her! The other dog in the pic is my mom’s other dog Mr. Big. She wants to name this dog Carrie (from Sex and the City, Carrie and Mr. Big, so cute…anyway) but her boyfriend doesn’t want to. But they would be soooooooooo cute as Carrie & Mr. Big! (You can also catch a glimpse of my FAVORITE sandals in the first picture, courtesy of Victoria’s Secret from like 94850283509 years ago)

Okay, well I wanted to update before I pop back over to my friends house. I really just feel like changing out of this dress and putting on my jammy’s but I guess I can show face for a little bit longer. I am already in this cute dress, and BONUS my friend’s sister pulled up and had a bunch of earrings, and gave me this pair because they match my dress! I just WON AT LIFE TODAY!!!I Okay, time to jet. I’m getting a new bathtub tomorrow! Yahoo!!!!!!!

Also thank you again to everyone who reads my blog. I do this as a therapy tool for myself, but it’s awesome that other people read it. I just want to raise awareness to the mental illness community and show that it’s not something we should hide or be ashamed of. This is who we are, and we deal with it. Sometimes I am bat shit fucking crazy, but most of the time I’m just misunderstood. As Madonna said, “This is who I am, you can like it or not. You can love me, or leave me, but I’m never gonna stop, no no.”

Possible Birthday Dress and more Rambling

Possibly party dress for my birthday this year. I’ll be 29 on April 29 (my golden birthday!) I’m throwing a Unicorn, Princess, Anything Goes party…. So it should be interesting and crazy, Just the way I want it.

I already have matching shoes. Or I could get better ones. Two posts in one night. Yep. Not doing shit. I even rearranged the furniture in my living room. I made calls to some people, sent texts. I don’t expect people to pick up every single one of my calls or respond to every single one of my texts. However, under the circumstances I have been under recently, I think some of you owe me like a “hey, I was doing (fill in the blank.)” Even though I know it’s bullshit. Further proving my point that most people are bullshit, and they’re all full of bullshit.

Which brings me to my next point. I know people think I’m bullshit, and I’m this, and I’m that. I’m pretty sure they think I’m fake and judgmental too. However I’m NONE of those things. What’s funny is ALL of those people fake as fuck. They don’t like me for the the exact same shit they do to me. So here’s what I have to say to you on the internet. Because if I do see you in real life someday, somewhere, and it will happen, I will eye fuck the shit out of you (my way of saying staring) then probably laugh.

Thank you for dedicating part of your day to think about me. Even if it’s something vulgar and negative, you still thought it out, talked about it. So I still cross your mind. I must get to you for some reason and jealousy seems to be the real problem here. I think the image speaks for itself, so again, thank you for making me feel important.

Also, just as a reminder…. I just whipped this up. The quality sucks but I forgot to save it as a different file type but whatevs 🙂

Also, I updated my about me page! Check it out!

What an amazing feeling

My mom took me shopping last night because dress pants I have, (in every color too) and most of my blazers all don’t fit me. It wasn’t too long ago we bought a lot of this stuff because nothing else fit because I had gained too much weight. Anyway, I didn’t want to brag because really this post is really like my online journal. There were a few problems with my real journals. 1, I had a hand injury from a car accident so writing hurts like a bitch and 2, I hardly ever go back and read what I write (just basic proof reading) but if I I put it out there on the internet world with other bloggers using tags and other shit, then it can help someone. There’s other like us. SO ANYWAY. /rant hehe

I got a pair of some killer black pants and the same ones in grey, or is it gray, Whatever. Then I got this smashing blazer with that’s a 3/4 sleeve, but the button was missing. The button wouldn’t have fit over my big ass boobs anyway, but I got 50% off on it. Let’s see, I also got a basic black pencil skirt which is pretty nice cause you can day it from day wear to night wear (it’s stretchy so if you just pulled it up to make it super short and slutty it would stay.) My mom also insisted I get this black and grey leopard dress. I thought it was ugly as hell but once I tried it on it was totally cute. It’s a wrap dress too. (I should be taking pictures but I am also applying for jobs. SUE ME)

THEN they had some summer dresses they had pulled out, marked down, and ticketed limited quantity. So to my surprise I fit into a much smaller size (the only one available too) and I can’t even begin to tell you how good that felt. I didn’t even know what pants size to pick out. I started a size under what I thought and just kept going down. I have been SO SELF CONSCIOUS of my body and the weight gain that this stupid bipolar medication did to me. It like killed my spirit, because who wants to be happy when they’re over weight, they really can’t control it, they want to hide all the time, and they KNOW IT’S ALL ANYONE EVER SAYS WHEN THEIR NAME COMES UP. Come on, I’m shallow and I’ve done it, don’t say you haven’t too, because you’re either lying or you’re this guy:

It feels good to be a clothes whore again, even though I am flat fucking broke without a job. LOTS OF JOB PROSPECTS. But still, I can look at something and think I can’t buy that because I can’t wear it because you can’t wear shit like that anymore because you’re bipolar and the meds they have you on made you gain so much weight. UGH. I have been researching getting more involved with mental illness awareness because there is SUCH a stigma involved with it.

After being diagnosed as bipolar, my doctor just kept increasing my meds, just more, and more, and more, and more. Never asked how I was doing or anything. She ultimately made me WORSE. Put me into a BIGGER depression. Yeah I took the meds, but you just kept giving me more, and that’s not what I needed.

The circumstances that lead me to my doctor now are pretty fucked up and I really don’t think I want to talk about that on here but what he isn’t is a pill pusher. I feel like every doctor in the private mental health world is a pill pusher. And hey, I know how it works too. I worked in a medical office for 3 years, I know about the deals they make with the drug companies, and how they wine & dine them to push their drugs. I use to schedule the appointments with the drug reps to meet with the doctors. They had to get through ME. So they used to butter me up. So it’s all bull shit in the private practice, which is why I’m glad I ended up on the state level.

My ADHD is kicking into OVERLOAD right now. I’ve done 2398508 things today already and still have more to come. My post originally was just about how proud I am of myself for overcoming the depression I had over everything, and then over the weight gain and found a way to be strong and do something about it. Because for SO LONG I talked about doing something about it. I would even make the effort for a couple of weeks to do something about it, but then give up hope. Not that I didn’t care, but I can’t explain it. I guess other people who struggle with mental illness can maybe understand that emptiness inside?

I can’t say I wasn’t somewhat motivated because I’ve always had a job. The longest I haven’t had a job was 4 months and there was a lot of fuccccccccckkkkkkkkkeeeeeeeedddddddddd up shit that happened then so I needed like a mental break. But as soon as I made a call to an old pal, I got an interview for the job I just got fired from.

So the medication and my old doctor was definitely disabling me from moving forward for uhhhhhhh 4 years, almost 5. My doctor said I have a CLEAR malpractice suit, but for what? Still ADHD is kicking in.

Oh yeah, so I lost weight, and I’m really happy for the summer. I did manage to take 2 pics last night of these dresses. On sale! Limited quantities. I know we were looking for business gear but uhhhhhhh, what can I say we’re shopaholics.

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

Real post soon

A lot has happened so I owe a real post. I’m being whisked away to Bed Bath & Beyond with my mom right now. I’m a little dazed so I hope I don’t get lost in the beyond. She’s on the freeway and the sky is beautiful. I wanted an excuse to post something beautiful in something so simple. 

  

I need to get in a happy place NOW

There is so much bad shit running through my mind right now. A lot of unknowns. I won’t get into specifics. But if what the unknown is what turns out to be what I think it is, then I’m going to be like *poof* pissed the fuck off. Aside from that, I’ll be extremely hurt, heartbroken, amongst another things. So, like I said, without being so specific here (because I really have absolutely no idea what really is happening at this point, contact unknown) I just really need to get my mind elsewhere. So, it’s here. Here it is. In my happy place. Here goes it. Here it goes.

Work this week. MIND FUCK. I think I mentioned this before, but I sit RIGHT NEXT TO MY BOSS. This is a huge problem for me. Mostly because I’m always somehow getting sales and numbers or whatever the fuck they want this month, but never at my desk. Hmmmmmmm…………..I just kinda float. So now that my boss can see me AT ALL TIMES, he can literally see me, at all fucking times. He keeps watch on me. He told me today I’m his project. Whenever he sees me talking to other people he shoos me away from them. I guess that’s good. I’m just trying to get someone to smoke a cig with me TO BE HONEST.

Then some other fuckery happened. A good, good, person got let go. Fuck this place. FUCK this place. UGH. I walk around with a target. Why am I not gone? I’m waiting for it. It’s my ammo for another gig. Ugh, I hate new jobs. I’m so fucking weird. I’m SO fucking weird. Whatever.

I’m really glad my dog is getting along with 1 of these 2 cats. The other went crazy and attacked me and the dog so it went to bed with my friends daughter who I am watching along with her house for the night. I had to bring my fur baby along too! She had so much fun in the car! Weeeee!

I took like 8225895828982023093owiotei (an estimate) pictures of her with her face out the window smiling! She looks so happy! Weeeeeeeeee Maizy!

Okay, so the thing that I don’t know about if it’s a thing I don’t know about. I’m just going to figure this whole shishkabob out in the morning. I’m totally stealing wifi from my friend who is actually stealing it from someone else. Hacker life.

 

Wow internet broken

So my internet has been temporarily disabled. Which is why I haven’t updated my blog. Epic fail. Man. I have been trying to stay in a positive mind set and it’s actually working. 



Yes I just pulled that one. 

I also just want to add that I repaired a broken friendship recently and it feels nice. Taking things slowly of course but I’m glad we are back in action. I’m upset we ever were apart but sometimes we all need space. For whatever reason or another we all have our moments, and I respect that because shit, I damn sure have a hell of a lot of moments. 

Also, my amazing hello kitty soul sister sent this to me via US Postal Service! Yes, it still exists! 



Well if I haven’t eaten up too much data I’ll post. Tags later at work. Hehehehe. 

2 posts in 1 night?

I just had to post this. I hardly ever cleanse my Facebook. Mostly because I don’t give 2 fucking shits who sees anything I have to say. But tonight I did a cleanse. I just did a big fat DELETE on so many people. Some I realized already deleted people. So it was like a mutual respect that we don’t like each other. They just beat me to the punch. COOL. Also, it was really just an excuse to post this. (If I’m being TOTALLY honest here.)

I think this is my best post EVERRRR!

Omg today was PERFECTION. 

In addition to being completely pissed off from people just not knowing how to do their jobs at all, I just get told all day long how hard I need to try. Just push, push, push. It’s the end of the month. Come on! Let’s rally! Woo! 

I get it. I do. But like, do you get it? The struggle is real in the sales world. 



I listen like a champ. But do I really “listen?” No. I don’t. This is what I hear. 







And finally, and most importantly….





I mean, it’s kinda funny. Don’t you think? I don’t give a shit at this point how many people love me or hate me here, there, or anywhere. You can’t please everyone. Well, technically speaking you can. They’re called hoes. 





You have friends. Frenemies. And enemies. I am drawing the line. You’re either in, or you’re out. No in betweeners. If you don’t have me all the way, I don’t want any part of you jn my life. My life comes with a lot of this: 





It feels so good to vent to the Internet. Especially since I’m on the verge of a mini panic attack. *Whew*