People Pleaser

I just had a phone interview for this job that I really want. I felt bad because my phone kept breaking up and losing signal. But once we started, I blew their mother fucking minds. Of course I did. I’m me. So what did I do? I NAILED IT BITCH.

I entitled this blog people pleaser because if you’re going to interview me over the phone for a sales position, I’ll sell the fuck out of myself. I’ll even shine your mother fucking shoes. Now I have to do this online assessment. I’m glad he told me it wasn’t timed because most people skip through it and don’t go through the next part of interviews.

THE ONLY REASON I’m a little nervous about working here is because someone I used to look up as mentor works there. He thinks I am the reason he got fired. So I’m nervous. We have always been cool together and I really hope this changes things. I want a fresh new start, and it’s comforting to know there will be someone I know. Just not comforting to know they hate me for the WRONG reasons. For my own sanity I may just set the record straight.

But anyway, this blog isn’t about him, it’s about me. YAY!

All the shit I have been through, it’s like someone is finally listening and giving me break. I’m going to do this assessment later because I’m a little dazed and well, yeah.

That’s more like it. Peace out bitches. Here’s a selfie for you!

Where’s the reset button

(I started this when I first woke up around 9 am)

I took my sleeping meds last night and now I woke up feeling like complete shit. They had to change the ones I normally take because the other ones aren’t covered on my new insurance. But I feel like crap. Coffee, nor Monster is working at this point. I feel congested too like it fucked with my head or throat and nose and ugh, I don’t know but this happens sometimes and I just want to lay in a hole and be left alone all day. I managed to fix my friend’s computer so that she could work from home and I wouldn’t have to watch the kids all day, just while she runs to the store.

I also think I’m having some sort of separation anxiety, hence why I can’t sleep because I can’t talk to good. His phone doesn’t work up north and he doesn’t have service, so we really haven’t been talking. To be honest he calms me down a lot more then I think he does now that he’s not here or available rather. When I start to feel wanted, I start to also feel very needed. Wah I just feel like a big emotional mess right now and I’d rather be anywhere than here, in my own skin, because of how uncomfortable I feel right now.

So I’ve woken up a little bit and still haven’t heard from him. Even though it’s 1:30 it’s no surprise he’s sleeping. I told him thats one of the things that bothers me about him, but right now he is on vacation so I’m not stressing.I think way to fucking much.

I miss him. He’s good and he cares. I feel horrible for basically flipping out on him, but I don’t exactly know how to approach confrontation because I hate it. So mine comes out much like my father’s, where I build up and explode, and everything comes out all at once. I felt horrible after doing it and never had the chance to really say sorry. He’s comforting and sweet, and yesterday I was anxious and there were some things I had been thinking about all night about us and I just exploded. I’m totally wrong and I don’t want to ruin him, or us, or the possibility of us and I need to change some of my ways. Things are different with us. I don’t have to think and wonder and constantly question everything.

Let me elaborate… It’s Sunday and I’m slow moving

Let me elaborate on my Amy Whinehouse post last night. I was drunk, couldn’t talk to him and I feel like I’m the bad person in good and mine’s relationship. He’s innocent and young, and I’m wild and fucked up. He’s so good to me and I feel like I am going to ruin it. These are the thoughts I think. He always tells me to stop thinking so much. But I’m 8 1/2 years older than him. I’m just no good. He feels things for me that he hasn’t been able to experience, but at the same time, he makes me feel so good about myself. But I feel like I’ll ruin him will all my emotional baggage.

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I am freaking out in my head literally over nothing. I over analyze. The fact that I have ADHD and I’m bipolar is really fucked up.

I have a lot of errands to run today so I’m trying to be one of these, much like everyday. So this isn’t relaly any different.

I just have to drive all the way out to where I used to live just to get a prescription filled. Because if I do it around here they have to call the doctor and verify it and considering it’s Sunday, well they won’t be able to do anything. So this is the best solution. I am hoping this guy will drive it back out to me later since he wants it. I’m hustling right now because I don’t need it and it’s something that helps his grieving mother, so I feel like everyone wins. HUSTLE. Don’t judge, You’re not judge Judy.

I’m having the girls in my room right now they’re watching a movie because they love being in the basement with all my Hello Kitty stuff. Then I’m going to run all my crazy errands of the day.

Wacky World

I don’t really have anything to post about but considering I’m a little dazed, have ADHD, love to talk and type fast there will be a blog post somewhere.

SOOOOOOOO okay, I’m having construction done on my house and I have to use the last of my savings to put my current rent that’s due tomorrow in escrow until the house passes inspection on April 27. So I’ll have to buy myself sometime with that. I’m thinking I didn’t get the job I went after but I’m okay with it because it would require a lot of travel and I don’t know if it’s really what I wanted to do anyway. I can still collect my unemployment and waitress in the mean time while I look for something else. Which is what I think I’m going to do.

Also, today is opening day for the Detroit Tigers and I wish I was downtown because it’s like a fucking party. Even if you’re not at the game, its a fucking party all over downtown today! UGH so much fun! I should take a shower and just get all pretty with my D gear on. Ah, fuck it might as well. What else have I got to do? I’m going to… and watch the game. Create my own experience.

Tomorrow they’re doing some chemical treatments on the house and me and the pooch can’t be here. My mom agreed to work from home so that we would have somewhere to go. Maizy loves having me here. She wants to be around me all the time. It’s so cute. She is so presh. She’s cuddling in bed with me right now.

Eh well okay I’m going to take a shower and get my game day experience on. I should clean too but yeah, no. I’m going to apply for jobs as well. I don’t overwhelm myself and apply for everything. I apply for like 3-4 on each website a day, and keep a log of what I apply for so that when I get a call or email back, I can make sure it’s something I actually applied for and not some BS.

Blahhhhhhhh, I am toooooooooo lazy for anything right now……or lazy really isn’t the word but you know.

Update 3:41 PM TIGERS BEAT THE TWINS 4-0 ON OPENING DAY! TIGERS FTW!

Update 5:50 PM Okay I’m putting this out there. I’ve been waiting to hear back from someone I shouldn’t. It’s like you know you should stay away, but for some reason you can’t. You just go back for more. In two situations now that I think about it. Why do I always go after the wrong things? The wrong people? The wrong MEN. Mostly because I think my perspective of men is completely fucked up, and that is a whole other can of worms that we can even get into right now. I’m going to be around my friend right now because she needs a friend and I do too. I can’t sit around and wait for someone who I know is just going to hurt me.

Update 8:38 PM being around people helps. I got some grocery shopping done even though I feel like every dollar coming out of my pocket hurts me. Rawr. I need to put my energy elsewhere I guess. 

Off to a good start. I think it’s my wardrobe

I had my third interview today. I dazzle them with my personality. I was surprised they quizzed me on shit they talked to me about during my second interview which was going out in the field and doing a product launch. There is a lot of growth in the company. Although to learn the position Id ultimately be getting Id have to start at the bottom doing product launches which would require me to do driving to a bunch of different cities. Compensation for gas.

But I’m feeling great and it has to do with my amazing professional wardrobe. I have in this pink and reddish wrap dress with a feather print, bling now necklace, jet black tights and my Herman Munster shoes. I’m in the parking lot of the Michigan works office waiting for a call back so I’ll take some half ass pics. Oh and this pink satin coat is amazing. So many compliments.

Coat (it’s full length)

 

Pattern of the dress. I’ll try and update later with a selfie cause it’s worth it.

 

Herman Munster shoes. My mom says they look like the ones he wears on the show. I googled it before when she told me and she’s right. I’m not on wifi so this is taking forever so you can google that yourself.

Then here’s me with my cutie necklace and new aviators! I’m pissed about my hair though, it could be better

More clothing update!!!!!!!!!! 6:32 PM

Now I am out of my interview clothes because:

1. Why would I continue to look super cute when everyone has plans tonight except for me, so there’s ZERO point in looking cute or dressing up.

2. The porch was wet because it rained today and I fell in my heels RIGHT as I got home.

3. Leisure mode. See picture for reference:

 

Let me just add this in there that NOT having a job is actually more work then having one. You have to run around to all these places and constantly interview and whore yourself out there. Stay in touch with old business contacts and schmooze with them to get a hook up or two there. Not only that, but you have to go to the unemployment office and basically get a fucking stamp. Also, I have a social worker who I had to drive on the OTHER side of town (yeah, did I mention all the places I’ve been going to are not local) to help me file my paperwork for Medicaid, food and cash assistance. I mostly care about Medicaid so I can get my meds filled. The food would be nice too. As far as cash, ehhhh wellllll uhhhh yeah of course that’d be nice but I’ve got some side things lined up right now so I know my job is going to dick around with me on unemployment so I’m just going to be a dick back. I think I’ll be cool.

 

Free pony ride Friday

I am wearing this gem today. It’s going to be a good day I think. I feel it. Right? See. Think. Believe. 



Tshirt courtesy of 5 below 

This post started at 7 am. Today has not improved. I’m pushing through somehow. It’s 6 pm and I have no solution to my problems. I’m so close to losing my job. I fucking don’t know if I care or not. I do for financial reasons. I’m just trying to stay around people today and not be alone because being alone with my thoughts is scary right now. 



I don’t know what direction to go. Up, down, left, right, sideways? Shit! Being fucking bipolar is confusing. Then being high on top of that. Then tired, don’t know what’s going on with this person, this property, this situation, fuck all this. 

But I am still trying, it’s not fuck all this. I’m not supposed to be thinking about this. I shall return later with better thoughts, and a more optimistic outlook. I’m actually looking up my horoscope. It’s Friday the 13th. No wonder. 



Funny. I did hang out with some kiddos today and went to the park to get my mind off things  it helped. We jumped over speed bumps and puddles too. It really helped to get to get my inner child on, and that was BEFORE I read this. How physadelic is that? 

I’m loving this so hard right now





Sunroof open, sun shining, blue sky, 50 degrees. I’m soaking this in. Also, in Michigan (and maybe other places do too) the first nice day we’re all like OMG LETS TAKE OUR COATS OFF AND OPEN THE SUNROOF HALF WAY! (me) Other Michiganders have their own version of this. I’ll leave you with this awesome pic that is a reminder SPRING IS COMING! 



Update: I’m going disc golfing! 

Awake at 8:00 AM on a Saturday?!… this is some kind of record for me man

So, I know my whole post last night was probably hard to follow, and some of you (most of you) probably gave up. I didn’t even proofread because I was typing my way through a panic attack. Basically certain peoples whereabouts were unknown, and know they are known, everything I guess is okay, but kinda not really. I mean for me it is. I was indirectly involved. Well I wasn’t specifically, but let’s just say ummm, my property. Yes, my property is fine! I don’t want to get too specific again because really the exact details aren’t anyone’s business except for who I choose to tell. I wanted to update you with that. Also because I’m awake at 8:00 on a Saturday fucking morning. Anddddddddd what the fuck else is there to do when you’re still hijacking hijacked wifi?

I need to get in a happy place NOW

There is so much bad shit running through my mind right now. A lot of unknowns. I won’t get into specifics. But if what the unknown is what turns out to be what I think it is, then I’m going to be like *poof* pissed the fuck off. Aside from that, I’ll be extremely hurt, heartbroken, amongst another things. So, like I said, without being so specific here (because I really have absolutely no idea what really is happening at this point, contact unknown) I just really need to get my mind elsewhere. So, it’s here. Here it is. In my happy place. Here goes it. Here it goes.

Work this week. MIND FUCK. I think I mentioned this before, but I sit RIGHT NEXT TO MY BOSS. This is a huge problem for me. Mostly because I’m always somehow getting sales and numbers or whatever the fuck they want this month, but never at my desk. Hmmmmmmm…………..I just kinda float. So now that my boss can see me AT ALL TIMES, he can literally see me, at all fucking times. He keeps watch on me. He told me today I’m his project. Whenever he sees me talking to other people he shoos me away from them. I guess that’s good. I’m just trying to get someone to smoke a cig with me TO BE HONEST.

Then some other fuckery happened. A good, good, person got let go. Fuck this place. FUCK this place. UGH. I walk around with a target. Why am I not gone? I’m waiting for it. It’s my ammo for another gig. Ugh, I hate new jobs. I’m so fucking weird. I’m SO fucking weird. Whatever.

I’m really glad my dog is getting along with 1 of these 2 cats. The other went crazy and attacked me and the dog so it went to bed with my friends daughter who I am watching along with her house for the night. I had to bring my fur baby along too! She had so much fun in the car! Weeeee!

I took like 8225895828982023093owiotei (an estimate) pictures of her with her face out the window smiling! She looks so happy! Weeeeeeeeee Maizy!

Okay, so the thing that I don’t know about if it’s a thing I don’t know about. I’m just going to figure this whole shishkabob out in the morning. I’m totally stealing wifi from my friend who is actually stealing it from someone else. Hacker life.

 

Wow internet broken

So my internet has been temporarily disabled. Which is why I haven’t updated my blog. Epic fail. Man. I have been trying to stay in a positive mind set and it’s actually working. 



Yes I just pulled that one. 

I also just want to add that I repaired a broken friendship recently and it feels nice. Taking things slowly of course but I’m glad we are back in action. I’m upset we ever were apart but sometimes we all need space. For whatever reason or another we all have our moments, and I respect that because shit, I damn sure have a hell of a lot of moments. 

Also, my amazing hello kitty soul sister sent this to me via US Postal Service! Yes, it still exists! 



Well if I haven’t eaten up too much data I’ll post. Tags later at work. Hehehehe.