I am up this early for a reason. I had to drive my “boyfriend” to work. I use the term loosely because we were broken up and recently got back together. No, definitely not the guy I blogged about before who went to jail. No. no. But here’s the thing, during the time we broke up I met someone else who is really opposite of who I’m with. He has the things I want in my “boyfriend.” To be sweet, affectionate, sincere, generous. I’m stuck here because the other guy gets back in town today and I’m SURE he’ll want to see me. I have no idea how to play out this situation. I don’t consider that I actually cheated considering we were broken up. Now if I continue talking to both of them, that’s cheating. I know ultimately I want to be happy, and careful. Especially the way things ended before. I’m not heartbroken over our relationship, I just feel like he ruined me.
He ruined my spirit which I think is one of my best qualities. I want someone to bring out the best in me. Don’t we all?
Here’s a quick little update on my housing situation. I went to court and agreed to have all my stuff out by June 22. I had originally until June 12 but asked for more time to get the rest of my stuff out. My landlord texts NOT EVEN CALLS, and says oh yeah someone is cleaning your house out on Saturday so you better have your stuff out. I said, do you even talk to your attorneys? Do you know what even happened in court? Don’t you dare enter my home until I hand over the keys or else your trespassing. Then I called the guy who was supposedly going to clean it, and who I have beef with, and he says you’ve been nothing but a pain in my ass since you moved in. UM EXCUSE ME? Then he hung up. I wanted to say perhaps if you had done your job, the city wouldn’t had to get involved, and then you wouldn’t be saying such things.
My life is so chaotic. I have my friends baby shower today. I have to say that I am less than thrilled to go. I’m supposed to be picking my friend up from work an hour into the shower so I might just tell her I can’t stay long because I have to work. I don’t know. I hate babies, baby showers, all of that. Granted, this is a very, very, very good friend of mine who I don’t get to see very often because she lives in another state. But the whole baby thing is too much for me.
Things have calmed down a little bit since I’ve moved. I don’t have everything settled yet, but I’m working on it. I know where all my clothes and shoes are thank god. I am trying to piece together an outfit in my head for this baby shower. She’s having a boy so I’m definitely thinking about wearing this blue dress with a navy short sleeved sweater over it.
I felt is was necessary to update since I’m up so early today. I had the house to myself last night, minus the 3 animals. No roommate, kids, or anything. I just had my boo who has poison ivy, which I had to take him to the urgent care to get treated last night. Poor thing. Jesus, my heart is so conflicted right now. I know that if I’m honest we are almost 9 years younger than me, and I feel like I’m going to taint him. Since he’s so young and innocent, I feel like someone like me could ruin him. I feel like I’m poison to everyone actually. Except with my kind of poison you can’t go to urgent care and get taken care of. I ruin lives with my lack of emotion and disrespect for myself. Which brings me to my next point…..
After losing all this weight, I don’t feel it. I still feel big. I wearing size small & medium clothes, and other shit that never used to fit me but it does now. My doctor things I have body dismorphic disorder. I can’t see what everyone else sees. It’s rather frustrating. I just thought I’d put it out there. My anxiety eats me up with it at times because I feel so disgusting. That’s why having a man who gives a lot of compliments is good for me? I don’t know.
Anyway, I will leave you with this. Someone posted this on my wall and now I want my car to look JUST LIKE IT.
Oh, apparently this is real too. (Everyone posts HK stuff on my Facebook)
welcome to my happy place 