Life changes, changing life

I’ve been thinking a lot about what’s going to happen with this move. Living here and meeting the people I’ve met has been a great experience for me. I was thrown out on my ass with no place to go. I was taken in by a good friend of mine who helped me find the place I’m being evicted from. Sure, it’s not the greatest place or somewhere I ever imagined myself living, but it taught me a very important lesson. It showed me that instead of crying and whining about shit, just pick yourself up off the floor and do something about it.

I’ve never denied to anyone that’s called me out that I’m spoiled. So my entire life someone has always cleaned up my messes. But this time it was different. No one wanted me. I realize now that I would’ve done the same thing if I was them. I had to learn that at some point in my life I have to grow up and figure shit out on my own.

I’m so grateful for my best friend for letting me live with her. I feel like it will be really good for the both of us. She’s been through so, so, so, SO much and she definitely deserves a break. I feel like I can be that break for her. Right now I’m unemployed but I plan on paying her what I can for rent and bills, I’m hustling in so many ways for a job and money. I love her kids like they are my own so she also just got in a built in baby sitter. No more struggling with all the kids to run simple errands any more boo! 😉

If I could EVER have a roommate, it’d be her. She’s said the same thing. We just don’t like people. LOL I’m am hopeful for the future and know this will be a great experience for the both of us. We have been through hell and back over the past 25 years, so this just kind of makes sense. No joke I am literally crying as I type this right now. That’s how strongly I feel about this.

Anyway, my dad works for Ford and told me there might be an opportunity for me to get in and work there as well. It would start off as a temporary position, but could lead to full time. It’s also a UNION job which I fucking support the union 90t8w 985 3028%. They have been great to my dad who found this job way too late in life, but found it after he divorced my mother so all this money is 100% his and I’m very happy for him. No offense to my mom or anything, she’s my best friend, but she was always very controlling with their money because she made it known she made more. I jokingly call her my personal shopper now but she’s not taking money away from anyone (like my dad). she actually just came over here and dropped off a couple of dresses.

My mom also got me these Hello Kitty candies that I’m about to smash. I am sick AGAIN so candy will definitely make me feel better. Right? Right!

In other news, I talked to the prosecutor about the case involving my car. He is sending me a letter that I will take to the Secretary of State that allows me to get a REAL LICENSE PLATE BACK ON MY CAR. I have had a paper plate in my back window since this incident happened which was mid March. It’s annoying as fuck because they can pull me over at any time. Also, when it rains they can’t see it. But yayyyyyy! I’m finally getting my plate back. The ONLY thing I’m a little upset about is that I’ve had the same plate number since I got my first car and I won’t have that one anymore. 😦 I’m thinking positively though because something bad has happened with every single one of my cars. So maybe the plate number was a bad omen? I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

I have to find a job. Unemployment and prostitution is great. Um what? haha Just making sure you’re still with me there. No but seriously, this is boring. I know I will regret that when it’s like 80 degrees outside and I could just sit around and get tan all day long and get paid for it. Buttttttt I like working. I’ve worked since I was 14, so that’s over half my life! My “friend” recently got a job so he’s never around to hang out with either. My bipolar has recently been keeping me down and not wanting to look for jobs, so I can’t find anything if I’m not looking. After I post this blog I’m going to get back on track. I already have the tabs open and ready to go. Plus I’m waiting to hear back from my dad about where to apply at his work. Cha ching $$$ I also have to start organizing my stuff and start packing it up soon. I’ve decided I’m going to move my stuff at night so they don’t know what’s up. I’m a shady bitch like that. Fuck you and this piece of shit. Ahhhh, I love swearing.

Also for extra motivation I have the House station on Pandora blasting through these subs with the bass going. Who gives a fuck if I piss these neighbors off, right?? RIGHT!

(click on image to make larger because these songs are stellarrrrrr)

Alright that’s it for me today. I’m going to rest and drink a lot of water and try to fight this thing. I have a good combo of over the counter meds I can take that will kick this things ass. A doctor I used to work for told me about it because I didn’t have insurance for a while so he always helped me out. Till we meet again….

Look good, feel good? Trying.

Having a shitty ass fucking day, so I’m trying this whole mindset that if you look good, then you’ll feel good. Instead of laying around in my PJ’s, watching Netflix and being a bum, I decided to get cute as fuck and go out and about and run errands. We shall see where the day takes me.

I am going to take my pup to get groomed & get her nails trimmed and painted of course. Then there’s a store riiiiiiiiiiiight down the street I’m going to look for cheap flats for. Last year I got a bunch of cute simple ones for like $3 each. I’m also going to see if they have a collar for Maizy that’s really scary looking. Like black with silver spikes. It’s more for protection because whenever someone drives, walks, talks, does anything too close to my house she jumps up on the couch an looks out the window. If they are there for a long time, or she doesn’t like it, she’ll start barking. Most people are already afraid of her, so if I make her look even scarier, especially if someone saw her in my window while I wasn’t home. Yeah, they could still proceed, but she’s loud as fuck so she’s my little security system/door bell. I’m so happy we found each other. Maybe if she’s good at the store she’ll get toys and treats too. We’ll see because she gets SOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo exited, and she’s pretty strong, and heavy, and I have a hard time controlling her. (I refuse to get a choke collar) I just have to yell heel constantly and then she’s like oh yeah, and then 10 seconds later forgets. So cute.

This should be interesting…….. considering I also tried something to get happy. Hey don’t judge me… it’s only 4:40 PM and I got started around 4:15… hehehe

Possible Birthday Dress and more Rambling

Possibly party dress for my birthday this year. I’ll be 29 on April 29 (my golden birthday!) I’m throwing a Unicorn, Princess, Anything Goes party…. So it should be interesting and crazy, Just the way I want it.

I already have matching shoes. Or I could get better ones. Two posts in one night. Yep. Not doing shit. I even rearranged the furniture in my living room. I made calls to some people, sent texts. I don’t expect people to pick up every single one of my calls or respond to every single one of my texts. However, under the circumstances I have been under recently, I think some of you owe me like a “hey, I was doing (fill in the blank.)” Even though I know it’s bullshit. Further proving my point that most people are bullshit, and they’re all full of bullshit.

Which brings me to my next point. I know people think I’m bullshit, and I’m this, and I’m that. I’m pretty sure they think I’m fake and judgmental too. However I’m NONE of those things. What’s funny is ALL of those people fake as fuck. They don’t like me for the the exact same shit they do to me. So here’s what I have to say to you on the internet. Because if I do see you in real life someday, somewhere, and it will happen, I will eye fuck the shit out of you (my way of saying staring) then probably laugh.

Thank you for dedicating part of your day to think about me. Even if it’s something vulgar and negative, you still thought it out, talked about it. So I still cross your mind. I must get to you for some reason and jealousy seems to be the real problem here. I think the image speaks for itself, so again, thank you for making me feel important.

Also, just as a reminder…. I just whipped this up. The quality sucks but I forgot to save it as a different file type but whatevs 🙂

Also, I updated my about me page! Check it out!

Point proven, Monday’s suck

Perhaps I’ll be blogging more because I’ll have more free time because I lost my job today! Oh I knew it was coming which is why I’m not really upset other than I have no money, actually probably a negative amount of money, and that is really freaking me out. I have to act pretty damn fast. My life literally just crashed and burned in a matter of weeks. Between my property situation, under medicated, over medicated, I can’t win. At this point, I know it’s a huge cop out and I’ve never wanted to do it because I thought I was capable, I might say disability? It’s obviously what’s preventing me from moving forward. I guess I’ve always felt capable of handling everything on my own but clearly, CLEARLY I’m not. I’ve had people helping me my whole life. It’s eventually going to end, then what? 

I just have to find my happy place!

  

  

  

  

Oh one more thing, today wasn’t ALL bad. It was my very first time celebrating National Puppy Day! I’m so happy to have found Maizy! I vow to always get your ball when it rolls under the furniture even though you have 73939 other balls & toys to play with because I know you will cry until I do because you want THAT one. 

 

 

  

 

 

 

Just a cour more of these for fun! (Google images Mondays suck memes when you’re having a bad Monday for instant LOLZ)

  

  

 

  

Free pony ride Friday

I am wearing this gem today. It’s going to be a good day I think. I feel it. Right? See. Think. Believe. 



Tshirt courtesy of 5 below 

This post started at 7 am. Today has not improved. I’m pushing through somehow. It’s 6 pm and I have no solution to my problems. I’m so close to losing my job. I fucking don’t know if I care or not. I do for financial reasons. I’m just trying to stay around people today and not be alone because being alone with my thoughts is scary right now. 



I don’t know what direction to go. Up, down, left, right, sideways? Shit! Being fucking bipolar is confusing. Then being high on top of that. Then tired, don’t know what’s going on with this person, this property, this situation, fuck all this. 

But I am still trying, it’s not fuck all this. I’m not supposed to be thinking about this. I shall return later with better thoughts, and a more optimistic outlook. I’m actually looking up my horoscope. It’s Friday the 13th. No wonder. 



Funny. I did hang out with some kiddos today and went to the park to get my mind off things  it helped. We jumped over speed bumps and puddles too. It really helped to get to get my inner child on, and that was BEFORE I read this. How physadelic is that? 

I need to get in a happy place NOW

There is so much bad shit running through my mind right now. A lot of unknowns. I won’t get into specifics. But if what the unknown is what turns out to be what I think it is, then I’m going to be like *poof* pissed the fuck off. Aside from that, I’ll be extremely hurt, heartbroken, amongst another things. So, like I said, without being so specific here (because I really have absolutely no idea what really is happening at this point, contact unknown) I just really need to get my mind elsewhere. So, it’s here. Here it is. In my happy place. Here goes it. Here it goes.

Work this week. MIND FUCK. I think I mentioned this before, but I sit RIGHT NEXT TO MY BOSS. This is a huge problem for me. Mostly because I’m always somehow getting sales and numbers or whatever the fuck they want this month, but never at my desk. Hmmmmmmm…………..I just kinda float. So now that my boss can see me AT ALL TIMES, he can literally see me, at all fucking times. He keeps watch on me. He told me today I’m his project. Whenever he sees me talking to other people he shoos me away from them. I guess that’s good. I’m just trying to get someone to smoke a cig with me TO BE HONEST.

Then some other fuckery happened. A good, good, person got let go. Fuck this place. FUCK this place. UGH. I walk around with a target. Why am I not gone? I’m waiting for it. It’s my ammo for another gig. Ugh, I hate new jobs. I’m so fucking weird. I’m SO fucking weird. Whatever.

I’m really glad my dog is getting along with 1 of these 2 cats. The other went crazy and attacked me and the dog so it went to bed with my friends daughter who I am watching along with her house for the night. I had to bring my fur baby along too! She had so much fun in the car! Weeeee!

I took like 8225895828982023093owiotei (an estimate) pictures of her with her face out the window smiling! She looks so happy! Weeeeeeeeee Maizy!

Okay, so the thing that I don’t know about if it’s a thing I don’t know about. I’m just going to figure this whole shishkabob out in the morning. I’m totally stealing wifi from my friend who is actually stealing it from someone else. Hacker life.

 

Wow internet broken

So my internet has been temporarily disabled. Which is why I haven’t updated my blog. Epic fail. Man. I have been trying to stay in a positive mind set and it’s actually working. 



Yes I just pulled that one. 

I also just want to add that I repaired a broken friendship recently and it feels nice. Taking things slowly of course but I’m glad we are back in action. I’m upset we ever were apart but sometimes we all need space. For whatever reason or another we all have our moments, and I respect that because shit, I damn sure have a hell of a lot of moments. 

Also, my amazing hello kitty soul sister sent this to me via US Postal Service! Yes, it still exists! 



Well if I haven’t eaten up too much data I’ll post. Tags later at work. Hehehehe. 

Turn this frown upside down in a post? Let’s see. Ready. Set. BLOG!

Tonight’s blogging space. Super snazzy. I know.

Today has been just like what I would imagine building a house would be like, except but building a house full of anxiety, emotions, stress, anger, frustration, feeling overwhelmed, tired, and a whole bunch of other things. I’m trying to take on so much at once, and I’m clearly not “hustling” hard enough to do it. I have to pick up some kind of side gig or something because I am not preforming well enough for “the man.” (ha!)

What I should do is get another gig elsewhere, but I like what I do, and I get comfortable (even though I am clearly not comfortable at this current moment.) But why should I have to leave just because everything else is fucked? No, that’s not how shit works in my world. Unicorns have mother fucking horns so they can ram them into mother fuckers they don’t like. Science. Magical science. I’m trying to turn the WORST MOOD EVER into somewhat of the not worst mood ever. Something that is helping is that all my old playlists have been brought back in legacy mode. AH. Die. Music is like my life, life, life, life, life, life.

I lost my shit on pretty much everyone today. It was a combination platter of work + personal + financial + mental + physical + stress + WTF + ?>GS:LT#(T)OISF. I was never a good math student so I’d say that equals F. For what you say? Oh, that’s simple. My favorite word to describe or emphasize anything.

Yep. Even when I was in school, that was still the answer to all the math problems I didn’t know. Solve for X? Hey, I’ll solve for F. Oh wait, couldn’t find it. But I found U, C and K!!!!

Across the Universe by the Beatles just come on. This is why music inspires me. I can lose my own thoughts instead of crying or panic attacks or freaking the fuck out on people and instead listen to how other people thought at the time. My music library would impress anyone. I am a hippie, club kid, 80’s kid, classic rock and roll, classical music, house, jazz, blues, I mean, there’s literally nothing, nothing, I won’t listen to. I’ve played music, I’ve experienced the performance, I grew up listening to good music. (Thanks Mom!)

Sorry, side tracked… hehehehe

So anyway, there’s also this that’s positive. I put some on to shake me out of my negative nancy sassy bitch pants, as well as ate some Jell-o. (Even though I thought about Bill Cosby raping people. He ruined Jell-o. Bastard!)

Oh shit, my jam came on. “Pink” by Aerosmith. “As pink as the sheets as we lay on, cause pink is my favorite crayon.” My mom was actually just backstage at Aerosmith the other night in Las Vegas and her friend met Steven Tyler! I have been rocking to Aerosmith since the tender age of about 4. I used to tie bandanas around my toy microphone like he did and sing all of his songs. I had a poster on my little mermaid bedroom as a kid until my sister put a gum mustache on Steven’s face.

I am a little bummed to be spending Friday night alone. But, me? Around more people today?

I kind of figured today’s post would be a little long. Okay fuck that, I knew I was going to come on here tonight and blow this shit up tonight. I posted this earlier on my facebook, but I’ll say this here (since my identities are separate) but I really do wear my heart on my sleeve, and I’m about to start wearing mother fucking tank tops. Yeah, I get emotional and fucking crazy. Most don’t understand. I’m bipolar, I’m ADHD and I have anxiety, plus a whole bunch of other shit. When one thing sets me off, it’s like:

One thing stems into like t908582305820852014mlkg, (give or take a few) filled with highs, lows, getting distracted with the ADHD, anxious and panicky. I hate when people see it. They don’t get it. People who get it get it, but then others don’t.

I think I’ll end that there because this mac & cheese has been eye fucking the shit out of me for way too long. Plus I’m like super hungry – you know 🙂

My blog posted/playlist ended at Stevie Nicks, “Edge Of Seventeen” Yessssss

2 posts in 1 night?

I just had to post this. I hardly ever cleanse my Facebook. Mostly because I don’t give 2 fucking shits who sees anything I have to say. But tonight I did a cleanse. I just did a big fat DELETE on so many people. Some I realized already deleted people. So it was like a mutual respect that we don’t like each other. They just beat me to the punch. COOL. Also, it was really just an excuse to post this. (If I’m being TOTALLY honest here.)

I think this is my best post EVERRRR!

Omg today was PERFECTION. 

In addition to being completely pissed off from people just not knowing how to do their jobs at all, I just get told all day long how hard I need to try. Just push, push, push. It’s the end of the month. Come on! Let’s rally! Woo! 

I get it. I do. But like, do you get it? The struggle is real in the sales world. 



I listen like a champ. But do I really “listen?” No. I don’t. This is what I hear. 







And finally, and most importantly….





I mean, it’s kinda funny. Don’t you think? I don’t give a shit at this point how many people love me or hate me here, there, or anywhere. You can’t please everyone. Well, technically speaking you can. They’re called hoes. 





You have friends. Frenemies. And enemies. I am drawing the line. You’re either in, or you’re out. No in betweeners. If you don’t have me all the way, I don’t want any part of you jn my life. My life comes with a lot of this: 





It feels so good to vent to the Internet. Especially since I’m on the verge of a mini panic attack. *Whew*