I just had a phone interview for this job that I really want. I felt bad because my phone kept breaking up and losing signal. But once we started, I blew their mother fucking minds. Of course I did. I’m me. So what did I do? I NAILED IT BITCH.
I entitled this blog people pleaser because if you’re going to interview me over the phone for a sales position, I’ll sell the fuck out of myself. I’ll even shine your mother fucking shoes. Now I have to do this online assessment. I’m glad he told me it wasn’t timed because most people skip through it and don’t go through the next part of interviews.
THE ONLY REASON I’m a little nervous about working here is because someone I used to look up as mentor works there. He thinks I am the reason he got fired. So I’m nervous. We have always been cool together and I really hope this changes things. I want a fresh new start, and it’s comforting to know there will be someone I know. Just not comforting to know they hate me for the WRONG reasons. For my own sanity I may just set the record straight.
But anyway, this blog isn’t about him, it’s about me. YAY!
All the shit I have been through, it’s like someone is finally listening and giving me break. I’m going to do this assessment later because I’m a little dazed and well, yeah.
That’s more like it. Peace out bitches. Here’s a selfie for you!
So I have been in the hospital for a few days. I have a stomach problem that I can’t pronounce nor begin to type. Basically the way I have been treating my body sucks and it’s time for a life altering change. Oprah style.
Change everything I eat completely. An entire lifestyle change. It’s going to kick my ass. Well it already has being cooped up in the hospital. Today I actually feel better so I’m going to the movies in the middle of the afternoon! I fell asleep so fast and hard that I woke up energized as hell.
Selfie. Although it’s warmed up so I’ll probably have to change again. Oh whatever will I wear in that giant closet of mind. Woe is me. Jk.
I’m just trying to embrace the future for what it’s worth because it’s not a promise. The future is a gift that’s why this is the present. How’s that for knowledge motha fuckas?
Oh this blog wouldn’t be complete without memes!
That is all. Soaking up some sun then going inside to change and see Jurassic Park! And get high.
Crazy drama filled day. It’s good to know who has my back no matter what. Definition of a true friend. Anyway I am resting because I’m still in a lot of pain. This is also an excuse to post these pics of my outfit for today.
Anyway, I feel like shit still but at least I look cute. Yeah I know I’m a little Tits McGee in that pic, but whatever. When you had a crazy ass day like I did today you just don’t give a fuck if your tits are hanging out or not. So what? They’re great. Okay so I’m a little stoned, and I love watching American Dad! I’m going to continue on with that, probably go to bed early as hell.
So I am officially in a relationship with good. I feel really good about my decision to make a commitment to him, although it usually makes me want to do bad things when they’re not around. But he’s different and he takes care of me, as I mentioned. I don’t have any fears with him, he just does things for me without me even asking. It’s never like I did this for you, so you should do this for me. I think my perception of relationships is changing.
Mostly because I closed off emotionally for 7 years, then when I finally met someone, they were horrible to me and for me, I just got super close super quick. It’s like all the things I didn’t feel for 7 years came out in all the wrong ways, well more like on the wrong people. I’m not going backwards, I feel like making this change who is like a prince charming means I’m done with all the bad men. Putting their bullshit in a box, storing it on a shelf, and letting it be. I’m done with men hurting me and making me feel like a piece of shit, and getting in my head. I’m a good girl (hehe, kinda) and deserved to be treated right.
Nice guys were always too nice for me, so I could never be with one. Plus, I blog about all my mental illnesses so I feel like nice guys can’t handle how crazy I can be sometimes. It’s not my fucking fault.
(Currently Listening to KT Tunstall, “Suddenly I see”) I just took my boo after basically kidnapping him for a couple days. I’m supposed to hang out with my girl whose out to eat with her man. She said she’s supposed to come back here but she might end up hanging out with him since they’re both kid-less, but I really hope she does want to hang. I’m in the mood since my boo left. It’s really great to live with my friend of 25 years. I know my blogs have been a little confusing because of how much stress I was under from moving but now that things are coming together.
(Currently listening to John Mayer, “Why Georgia”) Things are so much better than living at my old house and it’s not a piece of shit. I’m back in my home town where I know where everything is. Getting back to a comfort zone of some sorts. I haven’t moved very much so it was very stressful, especially doing it all by myself. I am not used to doing things on my own, despite being 29 years old. I very much rely on others for help and there was no one there to help me this time. I was doing everything by myself and had no motivation to do anything, but so much desire to get the fuck out of my old house.
(Currently listening to Franz Ferndinand, “Take Me out”) I am kind of in transition since I don’t know how long I’ll be living here, when I’ll get a job, what the fuck is going to happen with me, but I’m just taking things day by day. Living in the moment. Trying to be free and fearless, and not let my anxiety get the best of me.
It’s funny how certain people, like good, who is my BOYFRIEND *gasp* can just change us, and make us feel a certain way. Special, and good, and for the first time in my life I feel like I KNOW the other person cares about me. Their feelings are genuine, they don’t want anything out of me, other than me to be me. That’s a reassuring feeling. I have a friend who is in a relationship right now and feels completely under appreciated and taken for granted, and gets no affection whatsoever. She can’t live with him, or without him, she’s torn. But I told her if she’s not happy there are other men out there that you can be with that will make you feel totally happy.
(Currently listening to Britney Spears, “Piece of me”) Life is all about the pursuit of happiness, which is why I love that song so much. We only get one shot at this life, we there is no time for negativity and unhappiness. Live life to the fullest.
Obviously I am more interested in my music at this point and I think just about all I came on the interwebz to say today. Enjoy my fuckery of a musical selection, yes, I know it’s all over the place, just like me 😉
So my boo is up north. I miss him. We started to have a conversation about getting into a relationship, because we basically are, without the title, and only because of me. They all start off nice at first, then things change when they finally have you. We never got to finish the conversation and I feel kind of broken hearted putting my feelings out there like that, only to say I’ll call you back, but never got a call back. I know he fell asleep but my worry an anxiety plus my constant thoughts racing through my head didn’t help because I didn’t sleep.
I didn’t do much this weekend, had a few drinks with my roommate and listened to some old music, I didn’t feel good that say so I puked all over my bed. (lovely scene, I know)
My boo is supposed to be moving into his own place on Wednesday. He wants to take me out on a date and then spend the night at his house. I just don’t want things to change. I have such a horrible concept of what bad versus good actually is. When good is staring my face I say I’m not ready, even though my heart is telling me I want to be with this person.
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I like when we are together. I like the way he treats me, the way he makes me feel, the way he takes care of me, the way he holds me, the way we can just look into each others eyes. I’m getting way to cheesy. I haven’t felt this content with someone in a LONG LONG LONG time. Over 8 years. It’s hard for me to just feel this way again, but I’m do and I’m feeling it hard and I don’t want to push a good thing away over my insecurities. It’s what pushes people away and ruins things. I’m honest to him about everything, even things I don’t want to tell him because I know he won’t like them, but I tell him.
My dad just invited me to have pot roast over for dinner tonight. Does this mean I actually have to shower today? I can’t wear my contacts so trying to put make up on his a whole different level I can’t even see so I’m not even going to try that shit.
I think I’m going to lay in my bed and smoke pot which is probably counteractive but fuck it. It’s 9:30 am on a Monday. What the fuck else am I gonna do?
So yesterday at CVS good saw how badly I flipped out over this:
So what does he do? He buys it for me. You see the outrageous price. But it is FILLED with amazing hello kitty stickers. Well my computer screen to my desktop is already pimped out with rhinestones, and I did have SOME stickers on here, but I wanted to really take advantage of this book. So here’s my laptop now.
Because even though you enter it twice, and you think you entered the same one you always enter, you don’t, or you won’t. Then guess what happens? You’ll have to reset you phone at the fucking Apple store because iTunes crashes on your computer because it’s not a Mac. Fuck you for being stoned. No, just fuck you for not being able to type in a correct 4 digit pin you are able to remember when you were stoned. Because I typed it in twice correctly. So, that’s what I spent my morning doing.
I took my friend to work at 8 AM, then I just got ready, got coffee and gased up, and waited outside the mall for it to open. When I got to the Apple storeat RIGHT WHEN IT OPENED, I was already 30 mins behind and had to wait. I couldn’t believe it. Hence why I hate going to the Apple store.
How I felt at the Apple store:
Now I’m just waiting for all my apps to slowly redownload because I have a shitty internet connection.
Well, at least that shit is SECURE. All those nudes I had of other people are now just in my iCloud. Haha, I have shit on everyone. Exes, friends, ex friends, yeah, everything goes to iCloud mother fuckers. And I have 20 gigs of extra storage space so, watch the fuck out when you send me shit, because although I would never, ever resend or damage you with that information, it does it saved in my super secret secure storage cloud and phone. But now my phone was wiped clean so now it’s just in lala storage iCloud land.
Anyway, today looks something like this. After I got my phone fixed I dropped some money off to my dad for my car payment. I talked to my old neighbor who went on and on about how great I look and all the weight I lost. I let her go on and boast for a minute because damn, it feels good to hear. Yeah, I’m a little full of myself these days, but wouldn’t you be too? I’m not letting it go to my head, I’m being modest. I’m not going around dressed half naked. I’m just being more expressive in my clothing because now I can actually wear clothes again, which feels nice. (instead of just t-shirts and yoga or sweat pants)
I don’t know where the day is going to lead me. It’s only 12:00 and I’ve accomplished a lot, much like how I did yesterday. I must say, I’m a pretty productive girl these days. Must be in the air here or something.
Anyway, here’s a cute picture of my dog I just took now that my IPHONE WORKS AGAIN!!!!!!!!
Awwwwwwww puppy faceeeeeeeee I LOVE YOU MAIZY! My fur baby! ❤ ❤
Oh I jazzed up my header. Will be looking into layouts soon. You guys know I’m nerdy and techy so I invest a lot of time into the layout of my blog, which I have slacked on. Even that new header was a jumping off point. I got better shit. I just wanted that Hello Kitty beach picture up there honestly.
Well today is a magical day for stoners. It’s our holiday! Not like we don’t celebrate it everyday or anything. But today we get to dedicate our entire day to the fact that we love to smoke pot. We’re entitled to that. Shit, we celebrate George Washington & Abe Lincoln’s birthdays, we should celebrate this too!
I’m dressed for the occasion as you can see.
I am going to take this opportunity and post to talk about why weed is great and how it has helped me with my mental illness. I know it’s still technically considered a “drug” but that’s something the government wants us to believe. Some people just have a problem with it because it’s illegal, and don’t even consider the benefits. It’s fucking SCIENCE. I don’t give a shit what the fucking law says, it truly has helped me.
I know that I’ll probably be on medication for my mental illnesses for the rest of my life. Harsh chemicals in my body for the rest of my life can’t really be healthy. I choose to smoke weed because while yes, it still is smoking, it’s fucking natural bro. You can’t tell me that a plant is harmful to my heath. You can’t tell me that something natural is way better than something man made out of poison. You can’t tell me that despite it being illegal, it doesn’t help me.
When I smoke, I get relaxed. I laugh, I say stupid shit, other people laugh. I get hungry. I get lazy sometimes. But there’s never been a single time in my life where I’ve been so high off pot that it has destroyed something, ruined my life, injured someone, or anything NEGATIVE. It’s not addictive. It’s fun, and it makes me feel free. I DON’T SEE ANY SERIOUS PROBLEMS HERE. Have you ever read how many side effects are on one medication? I’m on like 6 different medications. How can this be good? You know what side effect should come with every bag of weed you buy? Warning: May cause extreme happiness and hunger. Order tacos before use, and get on the internet machine and Google image search unicorns for instant LOLz.
I know I’m not a fucking doctor, and I haven’t done all the research. But I’ve researched and experimented enough to know that there’s nothing harmful, dangerous, bad, or negative about smoking weed, other than the negative stigma our government has given it by making it illegal.
It pisses me off that pot is illegal. For example there is a local ordinance in Ann Arbor that allows you to just get a ticket for possession of weed instead of going to jail. However, there are also state cops that have more authority who will patrol the same areas as the local police just looking to bust people for small time marijuana charges because it’s an easy bust. Seems like a total waste and allocation of government resources, doesn’t it? THAT’S BECAUSE IT IS. There are so many people in jail right now for small time marijuana charges, and REAL criminals are out on the streets. You couldn’t possibly spin this to make it right because it’s wrong. SO WRONG.
I am happy that Michigan does support medical marijuana. When this was being proposed into office I was in a lot of political groups at the time to help raise awareness to voters on why they should pass it. I’d like to think it was my way of giving back to my community as a stoner. All of our hard work that year paid off because Michigan passed the bill! I am fully qualified to get my medical marijuana card, it just comes down to the fact I don’t have money right now. It’s something my doctor and I discuss, because I have always been open & honest with my doctor about my pot use. I think it’s important for him to know I use it because it will directly effect how he medically treats me. He can’t prescribe it himself, but he has given me all the necessary paperwork and list of physicians who can help.
Also, here’s some fucking food for thought…. (literally)
Yeah, suck on those nuts!!!
Thank you all for reading my stoned rant/blog today. Maybe you learned something, maybe you didn’t. Perhaps you agree, or disagree. It’s even possible that you’re so fucking high right now you can’t even comprehend what I’m saying at all, and the words are floating off your computer screen. (If you are, message me, I want your dealers #….) But in honor of today I felt as though it was important to blog about it. Smoke on friends. One love. ❤
4/20 UPDATE 10:08 PM EST:
The day has been great. I managed to get out of my house and pick up some 4/20 supplies at a super good deal. Some of the swag included this:
Pure medical grade buddy. I don’t fuck around.
200 MG of pot per cookie. STRONG AS FUCK. I got 2. Shared half now I’m going balls deep on this one. My friend also picked up a pipe to smoke wax out of that looks like Master Shake from Aqua Teen Hunger force, and it’s totally rad, and gets you superrrrr weird.
THEN as I was pulling up I decided to check my mail, and guess what arrived? A check for $198.10 to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don’t even work there anymore and they’re still paying me and sending me checks, paying my unemployment, and I have free state insurance. Well I’d say getting fired has really done a lot of good for me! You are qualified for all these free programs! And bitches be paying you like what upp!!! Yay for 4/20 and it almost being my birthday. I changed my wallpaper today on my iPhone! YAYYYYY!
Okay so I am a little tipsy/dazed, but I just had a really good, honest deep conversation about life with a old friend from the past who I recently got back in touch with. I wasn’t expecting that, but damn, don’t deep conversations just rock your world sometimes? I feel like it just did with me. I was very influential in this person’s life even though I have been out of it for a while. But we did meet each other under very weird circumstances in a place where you’re vulnerable as fuck. When someone sees that side of you, the side that is raw and real, you just kind of click. We’re able to talk about everything together. Things that haven’t come up in a long ass time. I don’t know, it’s almost like another form of therapy for me. I just got off the phone and wanted to blog about this feeling. Being open to someone, but not feeling vulnerable and judged, but there was once this like unspoken things between us. I don’t feel like I’m going to get hurt because there’s no pressure, and right now we’re just there for each other. It’s weird. I don’t really know what’s happening. I am going to be super careful though. I will not go out of my way for shit. That’s all I’m saying, and not to say it’s even going there, but still. If something were to happen, that’s a huge danger zone so I can’t even get think like that. Just one step, and friendship is all that this is right now. Okay, off the internet machine. I’m watching this in hopes of passing out, despite not being tired. I’m wired as fuck, in a manic state with my bipolar.
It doesn’t feel like Monday when you don’t have a job. It’s just like any other fucking day. If you have read some of my previous posts you’ll know that I absolutely hate Monday’s. If you do a Google image search for “fuck Monday memes” you will be LOL for sure. That’s how I used to TRY to get in a good mood for work on Monday mornings, just have a quick LOL at some of those memes and go on with my shitty ass day. Like this image for example….this can easily make you smile even for a hot second on a shitty Monday. It’s a cute kitty getting drunk because he/she hates Monday’s too. It’s a national crisis.
So I posted last night/this morning that I was going to be productive. I am happy to report that the time is currently 5:40 PM and I did get somethings checked off my list. First, you’ll have to know that because I am bipolar and unemployed, I consider getting out of bed and taking a shower as productive. Actually getting dressed after that shower, putting on makeup, and wearing something other than PJ’s is super productive for me. So I’ve already done all of those things today. (I slacked a little bit and didn’t style my hair.) This may sound stupid as fuck to someone who doesn’t understand being bipolar, but anyone who has it or truly understand it and knows my situation knows how hard it is to overcome small challenges like getting out of bed when you have no reason to. It really pisses me off when people use the phrase “you’re so bipolar” as an insult. Not to me, just in general. It should piss off anyone who is bipolar really.
I am doing this blog most importantly for myself and my own issues, and if by other people reading it using the tags of bipolar, or mental illness, or whatever read it, and it helps them too, then that’s even better. I struggled with the isolation of being bipolar for years, and I knew it wasn’t ME and I didn’t want to feel that way, but I also didn’t know what to do. I finally got a really good doctor who listens and understands my concerns about medication and diagnosis. Being positive and maintaining the positive attitude has really been helping me maintain my bipolar disorder throughout these last few weeks. I really like this quote because it’s true. Having this mental illness has taught me that I can overcome any challenge, and also not to let things get stuck in my head and give me negative energy. If I do let things get stuck in my head, I get pulled way the fuck down and it’s so hard to climb out of that. This blog really does help me channel all my thoughts and release them from my head.
Anyway, I got a package this morning at 9 AM and I don’t have a doorbell but Maizy is a great improviser. I’ve never seen how crazy she gets when a delivery man comes to the door since I’m usually at work. She went fucking crazy, which is why I woke up in the first place and actually signed for the package. Anyway, I splurged a little bit with some leftover tax money and purchased myself a new pipe. But not just any pipe, a cupcake one! Thank you to Chameleon Glass for the pipe, case, grinder, storage container, lighter, sticker and candy they sent along with my pipe. It’s my first time ordering with them, but it won’t be my last. They were super fast, excellent customer service, and provided me with tracking information as soon as it was available. So here it is!!!!!!!
I also got in touch with the unemployment office today. They told me they would release my first payment today, and I should have it in my bank account in a few days. I shouldn’t have had to call in the first place, it should have been done automatically. Of course, it wasn’t….so I had to get on their asses and take care of business myself. I have to certify again on Monday for the last 2 weeks, and then it should release a couple days after that. I got a notice from the unemployment office last week that said my employer never responded to the paperwork they sent over as to why I was terminated, and so by default I automatically get unemployment.
I also reached out to my former boss and told him I tried contacting HR regarding getting reimbursed for the wages they took out of my last paycheck for insurance. Basically in my email to my former boss I said hey, I know this isn’t your job, but can you please get the fuck on the person who is so we can be done with this already? Shortly after I emailed him I got a response back from HR. She told me she was out of the office sometime when I sent her the email and it had gotten pushed down in her inbox and she lost track of it and never followed up. She didn’t really have an answer as to when I’d get my money back, hopefully this week. She said she would have a better idea once payroll is finished and that I should email her on Thursday to get more information. I made sure I put 2 reminder notices on my iPhone calendar to follow up Thursday. I want every last dollar I can possibly get out of that place.
When I checked the mail today I got a letter stating that I was accepted for Medicaid. So I have health insurance. YAY! I also got another letter from the state saying they needed more information from me in order to qualify me for food assistance. I got the paperwork today, and they needed to receive it today. I called at 4:30 and left a message and said hey dudes, I just got this today, and there’s no way I can get this information to you today. So hopefully they’ll return my call tomorrow and allow me to have extra time.
I also got in touch with someone I used to be a server with. He recently moved into the area and is serving at one of my favorite Italian restaurants out here and said he makes bank. He is going to try and get me some part time work up there so I can get cash, and my unemployment. It’s temporary. I definitely do not want to be a server for very long, I enjoy office work too much. (That was my back handed way of saying I’d rather be lazy and sit at a desk than actually work on my feet!)
Well, now I guess I’m having some company. Someone I haven’t seen in a while. I’m glad I did my makeup today….I just wish I would’ve done my hair so I could look my absolute best, but whatever. I think I look decent. Pale, but decent. More bronzer. Definitely more bronzer. I will post about how this rendezvous goes.
If you had a shitty Monday, don’t forget my trick to instant LOL’s on Monday! (Google image search fuck monday memes)
I entitled this blog people pleaser because if you’re going to interview me over the phone for a sales position, I’ll sell the fuck out of myself. I’ll even shine your mother fucking shoes. Now I have to do this online assessment. I’m glad he told me it wasn’t timed because most people skip through it and don’t go through the next part of interviews.
welcome to my happy place 