Exploring my music collection & life

As I mentioned I’m exploring my music collection out so I will be updating the songs I’m listening to. You can click on the links and they will open up the song in a new window in YouTube if you’re interested. 🙂 (Currently starting with New Found Glory, “Ballad for the Lost Romantics”)

So I am officially in a relationship with good. I feel really good about my decision to make a commitment to him, although it usually makes me want to do bad things when they’re not around. But he’s different and he takes care of me, as I mentioned. I don’t have any fears with him, he just does things for me without me even asking. It’s never like I did this for you, so you should do this for me. I think my perception of relationships is changing.

Mostly because I closed off emotionally for 7 years, then when I finally met someone, they were horrible to me and for me, I just got super close super quick. It’s like all the things I didn’t feel for 7 years came out in all the wrong ways, well more like on the wrong people. I’m not going backwards, I feel like making this change who is like a prince charming means I’m done with all the bad men. Putting their bullshit in a box, storing it on a shelf, and letting it be. I’m done with men hurting me and making me feel like a piece of shit, and getting in my head. I’m a good girl (hehe, kinda) and deserved to be treated right.

Nice guys were always too nice for me, so I could never be with one. Plus, I blog about all my mental illnesses so I feel like nice guys can’t handle how crazy I can be sometimes. It’s not my fucking fault.

That’s why I like blogging, and listening to music. It puts me in good spirits. (Currently listening to Maroon 5, “Can’t Stop”) I’m updating from 2 work stations and the big computer at the top has a huge hard drive with ALL my music starting from 2004 when I bought the computer. (Currently listening to La Roux, “Bulletproof”)

(Currently Listening to KT Tunstall, “Suddenly I see”) I just took my boo after basically kidnapping him for a couple days. I’m supposed to hang out with my girl whose out to eat with her man. She said she’s supposed to come back here but she might end up hanging out with him since they’re both kid-less, but I really hope she does want to hang. I’m in the mood since my boo left. It’s really great to live with my friend of 25 years. I know my blogs have been a little confusing because of how much stress I was under from moving but now that things are coming together.

(Currently listening to John Mayer, “Why Georgia”) Things are so much better than living at my old house and it’s not a piece of shit. I’m back in my home town where I know where everything is. Getting back to a comfort zone of some sorts. I haven’t moved very much so it was very stressful, especially doing it all by myself. I am not used to doing things on my own, despite being 29 years old. I very much rely on others for help and there was no one there to help me this time. I was doing everything by myself and had no motivation to do anything, but so much desire to get the fuck out of my old house.

(Currently listening to Franz Ferndinand, “Take Me out”) I am kind of in transition since I don’t know how long I’ll be living here, when I’ll get a job, what the fuck is going to happen with me, but I’m just taking things day by day. Living in the moment. Trying to be free and fearless, and not let my anxiety get the best of me.

(Currently listening to Eminem, “Drug Ballad”) Perfect time for a 4:20 break.

During my 420 break:

Buckcherry, “Lit up”
Blackstreet, “No Diggity”
Aerosmith, “Sweet Emotion”

It’s funny how certain people, like good, who is my BOYFRIEND *gasp* can just change us, and make us feel a certain way. Special, and good, and for the first time in my life I feel like I KNOW the other person cares about me. Their feelings are genuine, they don’t want anything out of me, other than me to be me. That’s a reassuring feeling. I have a friend who is in a relationship right now and feels completely under appreciated and taken for granted, and gets no affection whatsoever. She can’t live with him, or without him, she’s torn. But I told her if she’s not happy there are other men out there that you can be with that will make you feel totally happy.

(Currently listening to Britney Spears, “Piece of me”) Life is all about the pursuit of happiness, which is why I love that song so much. We only get one shot at this life, we there is no time for negativity and unhappiness. Live life to the fullest.

(Currently listening to Yeah Yeah Yeahs, “Gold Lion”)
(Currently listening to TI, “What you know”)

Obviously I am more interested in my music at this point and I think just about all I came on the interwebz to say today. Enjoy my fuckery of a musical selection, yes, I know it’s all over the place, just like me 😉

Turn this frown upside down in a post? Let’s see. Ready. Set. BLOG!

Tonight’s blogging space. Super snazzy. I know.

Today has been just like what I would imagine building a house would be like, except but building a house full of anxiety, emotions, stress, anger, frustration, feeling overwhelmed, tired, and a whole bunch of other things. I’m trying to take on so much at once, and I’m clearly not “hustling” hard enough to do it. I have to pick up some kind of side gig or something because I am not preforming well enough for “the man.” (ha!)

What I should do is get another gig elsewhere, but I like what I do, and I get comfortable (even though I am clearly not comfortable at this current moment.) But why should I have to leave just because everything else is fucked? No, that’s not how shit works in my world. Unicorns have mother fucking horns so they can ram them into mother fuckers they don’t like. Science. Magical science. I’m trying to turn the WORST MOOD EVER into somewhat of the not worst mood ever. Something that is helping is that all my old playlists have been brought back in legacy mode. AH. Die. Music is like my life, life, life, life, life, life.

I lost my shit on pretty much everyone today. It was a combination platter of work + personal + financial + mental + physical + stress + WTF + ?>GS:LT#(T)OISF. I was never a good math student so I’d say that equals F. For what you say? Oh, that’s simple. My favorite word to describe or emphasize anything.

Yep. Even when I was in school, that was still the answer to all the math problems I didn’t know. Solve for X? Hey, I’ll solve for F. Oh wait, couldn’t find it. But I found U, C and K!!!!

Across the Universe by the Beatles just come on. This is why music inspires me. I can lose my own thoughts instead of crying or panic attacks or freaking the fuck out on people and instead listen to how other people thought at the time. My music library would impress anyone. I am a hippie, club kid, 80’s kid, classic rock and roll, classical music, house, jazz, blues, I mean, there’s literally nothing, nothing, I won’t listen to. I’ve played music, I’ve experienced the performance, I grew up listening to good music. (Thanks Mom!)

Sorry, side tracked… hehehehe

So anyway, there’s also this that’s positive. I put some on to shake me out of my negative nancy sassy bitch pants, as well as ate some Jell-o. (Even though I thought about Bill Cosby raping people. He ruined Jell-o. Bastard!)

Oh shit, my jam came on. “Pink” by Aerosmith. “As pink as the sheets as we lay on, cause pink is my favorite crayon.” My mom was actually just backstage at Aerosmith the other night in Las Vegas and her friend met Steven Tyler! I have been rocking to Aerosmith since the tender age of about 4. I used to tie bandanas around my toy microphone like he did and sing all of his songs. I had a poster on my little mermaid bedroom as a kid until my sister put a gum mustache on Steven’s face.

I am a little bummed to be spending Friday night alone. But, me? Around more people today?

I kind of figured today’s post would be a little long. Okay fuck that, I knew I was going to come on here tonight and blow this shit up tonight. I posted this earlier on my facebook, but I’ll say this here (since my identities are separate) but I really do wear my heart on my sleeve, and I’m about to start wearing mother fucking tank tops. Yeah, I get emotional and fucking crazy. Most don’t understand. I’m bipolar, I’m ADHD and I have anxiety, plus a whole bunch of other shit. When one thing sets me off, it’s like:

One thing stems into like t908582305820852014mlkg, (give or take a few) filled with highs, lows, getting distracted with the ADHD, anxious and panicky. I hate when people see it. They don’t get it. People who get it get it, but then others don’t.

I think I’ll end that there because this mac & cheese has been eye fucking the shit out of me for way too long. Plus I’m like super hungry – you know 🙂

My blog posted/playlist ended at Stevie Nicks, “Edge Of Seventeen” Yessssss