almost birthday – welcome to my happy place

29 on 4/29

Money makes me move

Have you ever felt like you just floated through the day? Well I have, and today was one of those days. I can’t describe it other than I floated through the day. What I mean is that nothing really significant happened today, so it all just kind of seemed rather dull. So instead of feeling productive, I just felt blahhhhh….like I just floated through the day. Maybe you understand? But I titled this blog because apparently money will make me move. I’ll explain….

Last night I received a check for $200. I didn’t really NEED to cash the check today because I had nothing to buy. I ended up at Walmart this afternoon where I first tried to cash my check. I wasn’t able to because the address on the check doesn’t match the address on my driver’s license. This pissed me off. I found another place that would cash it, which also happens to be a gas station. I decided to get gas, then cigarettes, and of course something to drink.

I came back home to finish getting ready for a doctor’s appointment I had. So I went to that, it was great, then I had to jump over to the pharmacy to get my prescriptions. Shouldn’t have spent any money at Walgreen’s since all my prescriptions are FREE with my new insurance. However I did have to wait 20 minutes, which prompted me to browse around the store. I ended up with some makeup, juice, dog treats, nail stuff, a birthday card, and some other shit. I get to the counter and my 20 minute wait time at Walgreen’s just cost me $54!!! What!?

So yeah, I just kind of floated through the day.

Hmmm…. what else did I do today? Oh yes! I ordered my sister’s birthday presents. Our birthdays are 2 years and 2 days apart. She text me today asking what I wanted for my birthday, then I asked her what she wanted. As a kid I always hated sharing my birthday, birthday parties and birthday cakes with my sister. But now that I’m older I miss it so much. We rarely spend our birthdays together since I live in Michigan and she lives in Arizona, so it’s not the same anymore. I also went online to show her what I wanted only to find that it’s OUT OF STOCK. All these months I’ve had this shit in my favorites bookmark specifically for my birthday, and now that it’s April IT’S OUT OF STOCK? Well, that’s what they wanted me to believe.

Inflatable Unicorn Head

The website is actually a company I did advertising for a couple of months back. So I pulled that card and sent an email. Of course they remembered me, and actually said they do have one in stock. SWEET. Sorry guys, it was out of stock, but if you’re awesome like me and say hey, I did advertising for you guys, then BOOM it magically becomes in stock! SCORE!

I just came back from my mom’s house. She kept telling me she bought me something for my birthday to match something I already have. Here’s the thing, I have so much shit that I had no idea what she could’ve possibly gotten me. She got me these Coach sandals to match the purse I already have! (pictured below)

I took my dog on her second ride today and I just picked up some Burger King. Someone won’t leave my side in case I drop a fry on the floor.

Alright well if this hasn’t completely bored you to death, I also wanted to briefly mention an organization yesterday that I’m really excited to start working with. It’s called Stamp Out Stigma, and it was designed to to reduce the stigma surrounding mental illness and substance use disorders. Their main website can be found here You can also find them on Facebook, Twitter and Youtube. I would also encourage for you to show your support for Mental Illness by wearing one of these bracelets. Whether you struggle with it yourself, a loved one, family member, or just because you support this cause.

Here is their support page where you can order the bracelets, update your Facebook photo to show support. and take the pledge. I ordered some bracelets last night. You have to order a minimum of 5, which I am pretty sure I can find 5 of my friends and family members who would be willing to wear this to show their support for me, and for the cause. I will be ordering more! If you are interested in one, please let me know, I will even buy them for you. They’re all about trying to erase the stigma that comes with having these disorders. I’m kind of trying to do that with this blog.

I think I’m going to veg out for the rest of the night and rape Netflix. I finally got my sleeping medication so I predict I will be going to bed very early tonight, and I will stay asleep allllllllllllll night. Ah, that just sounds like heaven right now because I’ve only been sleeping about 3-4 hours a night. (No naps either!) I just made this:

Ohhhhhhhhhhh and in case any of you have forgotten….

Peace out my lovely readers, and THANK YOU for all of your support of this blog.Please feel free to share it with your friends. I don’t actively promote this blog on any of my social media outlets because it’s something I kind of hide from most people, unless I trust them enough to read it. (and that’s a very, very, VERY, small list.) I would definitely like to get the word out there about my blog.

MondayyyYyyyYyy

It doesn’t feel like Monday when you don’t have a job. It’s just like any other fucking day. If you have read some of my previous posts you’ll know that I absolutely hate Monday’s. If you do a Google image search for “fuck Monday memes” you will be LOL for sure. That’s how I used to TRY to get in a good mood for work on Monday mornings, just have a quick LOL at some of those memes and go on with my shitty ass day. Like this image for example….this can easily make you smile even for a hot second on a shitty Monday. It’s a cute kitty getting drunk because he/she hates Monday’s too. It’s a national crisis.

So I posted last night/this morning that I was going to be productive. I am happy to report that the time is currently 5:40 PM and I did get somethings checked off my list. First, you’ll have to know that because I am bipolar and unemployed, I consider getting out of bed and taking a shower as productive. Actually getting dressed after that shower, putting on makeup, and wearing something other than PJ’s is super productive for me. So I’ve already done all of those things today. (I slacked a little bit and didn’t style my hair.) This may sound stupid as fuck to someone who doesn’t understand being bipolar, but anyone who has it or truly understand it and knows my situation knows how hard it is to overcome small challenges like getting out of bed when you have no reason to. It really pisses me off when people use the phrase “you’re so bipolar” as an insult. Not to me, just in general. It should piss off anyone who is bipolar really.

I am doing this blog most importantly for myself and my own issues, and if by other people reading it using the tags of bipolar, or mental illness, or whatever read it, and it helps them too, then that’s even better. I struggled with the isolation of being bipolar for years, and I knew it wasn’t ME and I didn’t want to feel that way, but I also didn’t know what to do. I finally got a really good doctor who listens and understands my concerns about medication and diagnosis. Being positive and maintaining the positive attitude has really been helping me maintain my bipolar disorder throughout these last few weeks. I really like this quote because it’s true. Having this mental illness has taught me that I can overcome any challenge, and also not to let things get stuck in my head and give me negative energy. If I do let things get stuck in my head, I get pulled way the fuck down and it’s so hard to climb out of that. This blog really does help me channel all my thoughts and release them from my head.

Anyway, I got a package this morning at 9 AM and I don’t have a doorbell but Maizy is a great improviser. I’ve never seen how crazy she gets when a delivery man comes to the door since I’m usually at work. She went fucking crazy, which is why I woke up in the first place and actually signed for the package. Anyway, I splurged a little bit with some leftover tax money and purchased myself a new pipe. But not just any pipe, a cupcake one! Thank you to Chameleon Glass for the pipe, case, grinder, storage container, lighter, sticker and candy they sent along with my pipe. It’s my first time ordering with them, but it won’t be my last. They were super fast, excellent customer service, and provided me with tracking information as soon as it was available. So here it is!!!!!!!

I also got in touch with the unemployment office today. They told me they would release my first payment today, and I should have it in my bank account in a few days. I shouldn’t have had to call in the first place, it should have been done automatically. Of course, it wasn’t….so I had to get on their asses and take care of business myself. I have to certify again on Monday for the last 2 weeks, and then it should release a couple days after that. I got a notice from the unemployment office last week that said my employer never responded to the paperwork they sent over as to why I was terminated, and so by default I automatically get unemployment.

I also reached out to my former boss and told him I tried contacting HR regarding getting reimbursed for the wages they took out of my last paycheck for insurance. Basically in my email to my former boss I said hey, I know this isn’t your job, but can you please get the fuck on the person who is so we can be done with this already? Shortly after I emailed him I got a response back from HR. She told me she was out of the office sometime when I sent her the email and it had gotten pushed down in her inbox and she lost track of it and never followed up. She didn’t really have an answer as to when I’d get my money back, hopefully this week. She said she would have a better idea once payroll is finished and that I should email her on Thursday to get more information. I made sure I put 2 reminder notices on my iPhone calendar to follow up Thursday. I want every last dollar I can possibly get out of that place.

When I checked the mail today I got a letter stating that I was accepted for Medicaid. So I have health insurance. YAY! I also got another letter from the state saying they needed more information from me in order to qualify me for food assistance. I got the paperwork today, and they needed to receive it today. I called at 4:30 and left a message and said hey dudes, I just got this today, and there’s no way I can get this information to you today. So hopefully they’ll return my call tomorrow and allow me to have extra time.

I also got in touch with someone I used to be a server with. He recently moved into the area and is serving at one of my favorite Italian restaurants out here and said he makes bank. He is going to try and get me some part time work up there so I can get cash, and my unemployment. It’s temporary. I definitely do not want to be a server for very long, I enjoy office work too much. (That was my back handed way of saying I’d rather be lazy and sit at a desk than actually work on my feet!)

Well, now I guess I’m having some company. Someone I haven’t seen in a while. I’m glad I did my makeup today….I just wish I would’ve done my hair so I could look my absolute best, but whatever. I think I look decent. Pale, but decent. More bronzer. Definitely more bronzer. I will post about how this rendezvous goes.

If you had a shitty Monday, don’t forget my trick to instant LOL’s on Monday! (Google image search fuck monday memes)

P.S.– The countdown is officially on!!!

Sunday clarity

I woke up with a clear head this morning of what I need to do in order to move on with my life. Just simple, move on. Put the past in the past, life is a gift, which is why it’s called the present. I know that sounds cheesy as fuck, but it’s so true. I am tired of being hurt, then feeling sorry for myself. It’s just time to pick up and move the fuck on. I have to have faith that in the end this thing called KARMA will catch up to those that deserve it.

I’m smart, pretty, fun, with a good sense of humor, and I will always be ME. I have been feeling a lot more confident with myself, and my weight loss too, and I should embrace that. I shouldn’t feel like shit over something that happened in the past, and how totally fucked up and wrong it was on the other persons part. I need to stop trying to get into the other persons head. I’ll drive myself crazy trying to make sense of things that don’t make sense. They’re just wrong. I can’t justify something wrong into something right in my head.

I’m not the same person I was even a year ago. I was still really depressed over my weight gain, I didn’t feel pretty or confident. I didn’t want to go out or be seen, I didn’t want to go shopping to do anything to make myself seem attractive because I didn’t feel like it at all. Now I feel totally different, and I should celebrate my looks, embrace my life.

That’s right! 17 more days until April 29 in which I will be turning 29 years old. My golden birthday! (Your golden birthday is supposed to be your lucky year, when you turn your age on your birthdate.) I just have a lot of change going on right now in my life and it’s hard. I need a new job, a ~~new man,~~ new men, money, and just to be happy and carefee again. People like me, you wouldn’t ever think it’s hard for someone like me to open up, because I am (obviously) a very open book, but I don’t like NEW. I knew that I did need a new job however because I did NOT like the way things were going at my old job, the people, the stupid everyday bullshit, the unfairness, the pure disgust I have for other employees. Yeah. I’m glad I’m out. Other than for financial reasons.

I want to scream, cry, laugh, hide, run, play, all these different emotions at once. Some parts of my life I am totally content with, and right now I don’t know how I’m getting food, or my next rent check, or any of the other numerous bills that are stacking up right now, however I am taking it one fucking day at a time.

Anything further than that is too much. Even talking about this right now is starting to make me a little panic-y. Next subject.

I haven’t done laundry in about 2 weeks so later on I’m going to mosey on over to my mom’s house and get that done. I don’t know what else we’ll get into while I’m there but it’s always a blast, even if it’s a lazy Sunday doing laundry hanging out with our dogs. I’m glad I have a good relationship with my mom. ❤ It’s good to remind myself of all the GOOD things I have going on right now. Positive mindset.

Also, tonight is the premiere of the 7th and FINAL season of Nurse Jackie! I am so excited it’s back! I went back and caught up on the entire show in anticipation for the final season. I can’t wait to see how they spin this.

Tune in tonight at 9 PM! If you don’t have Showtime they’re offering a free week this week. (At least for Comcast subscribers) Also, don’t I have the cutest dog ever???

Another Birthday Wishlist

Since yesterday was once month until my 29th birthday, I was inspired by lack of sleep and back pain to go online and find somethings I want for my birthday. The stuff I posted before was a little over priced so hopefully when I pass this along to you (my actual friends who read that will hopefully be attending my party and want to bring gifts) as well as my family, they will say these are a little bit more reasonable than a $100 print of a balloon animal skeleton.

More birthday wishlist items. These are more reasonably priced than the others.

http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/mars-attacks-leggings – I want these SO BADDDDD

http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/wonder-woman-bikini – I need a new bathing suit this year too because I have lost weight

http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/rainbow-light-projector

http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/donut-pool-float

(I do have a pool at my dad’s house where this could be utilized, along with my inflatable pretzel)

http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/giant-ice-cream-cone-lamp

http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/starry-night-projector

http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/pac-man-stained-glass-lamp

http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/hologram-bandage-dress

http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/reptar-hoodie

http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/tie-dye-psychedelic-socks

http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/diy-rainbow-led-shoes

http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/middle-finger-snowglobe

http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/nerds-dress

http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/black-cat-stockings

http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/creepy-unicorn-mask

Don’t even tell me for a second none of this shit is cool as fuck and that you can’t imagine me rocking this shit all over town?

Genius

Money and shopping is one of my biggest triggers of my bipolar. I’m feeling very bipolar, and I don’t have any money. So, here’s what I decided to do. Window shop online for my birthday. Compose it into a blog, so I could reference it later for my friends and family. Genius.