So yesterday at CVS good saw how badly I flipped out over this:
So what does he do? He buys it for me. You see the outrageous price. But it is FILLED with amazing hello kitty stickers. Well my computer screen to my desktop is already pimped out with rhinestones, and I did have SOME stickers on here, but I wanted to really take advantage of this book. So here’s my laptop now.
(click image to make larger)
Because even though you enter it twice, and you think you entered the same one you always enter, you don’t, or you won’t. Then guess what happens? You’ll have to reset you phone at the fucking Apple store because iTunes crashes on your computer because it’s not a Mac. Fuck you for being stoned. No, just fuck you for not being able to type in a correct 4 digit pin you are able to remember when you were stoned. Because I typed it in twice correctly. So, that’s what I spent my morning doing.
I took my friend to work at 8 AM, then I just got ready, got coffee and gased up, and waited outside the mall for it to open. When I got to the Apple storeat RIGHT WHEN IT OPENED, I was already 30 mins behind and had to wait. I couldn’t believe it. Hence why I hate going to the Apple store.
How I felt at the Apple store:
Now I’m just waiting for all my apps to slowly redownload because I have a shitty internet connection.
Well, at least that shit is SECURE. All those nudes I had of other people are now just in my iCloud. Haha, I have shit on everyone. Exes, friends, ex friends, yeah, everything goes to iCloud mother fuckers. And I have 20 gigs of extra storage space so, watch the fuck out when you send me shit, because although I would never, ever resend or damage you with that information, it does it saved in my super secret secure storage cloud and phone. But now my phone was wiped clean so now it’s just in lala storage iCloud land.
Anyway, today looks something like this. After I got my phone fixed I dropped some money off to my dad for my car payment. I talked to my old neighbor who went on and on about how great I look and all the weight I lost. I let her go on and boast for a minute because damn, it feels good to hear. Yeah, I’m a little full of myself these days, but wouldn’t you be too? I’m not letting it go to my head, I’m being modest. I’m not going around dressed half naked. I’m just being more expressive in my clothing because now I can actually wear clothes again, which feels nice. (instead of just t-shirts and yoga or sweat pants)
I don’t know where the day is going to lead me. It’s only 12:00 and I’ve accomplished a lot, much like how I did yesterday. I must say, I’m a pretty productive girl these days. Must be in the air here or something.
Anyway, here’s a cute picture of my dog I just took now that my IPHONE WORKS AGAIN!!!!!!!!
Awwwwwwww puppy faceeeeeeeee I LOVE YOU MAIZY! My fur baby! ❤ ❤
Oh I jazzed up my header. Will be looking into layouts soon. You guys know I’m nerdy and techy so I invest a lot of time into the layout of my blog, which I have slacked on. Even that new header was a jumping off point. I got better shit. I just wanted that Hello Kitty beach picture up there honestly.
My mom took me shopping last night because dress pants I have, (in every color too) and most of my blazers all don’t fit me. It wasn’t too long ago we bought a lot of this stuff because nothing else fit because I had gained too much weight. Anyway, I didn’t want to brag because really this post is really like my online journal. There were a few problems with my real journals. 1, I had a hand injury from a car accident so writing hurts like a bitch and 2, I hardly ever go back and read what I write (just basic proof reading) but if I I put it out there on the internet world with other bloggers using tags and other shit, then it can help someone. There’s other like us. SO ANYWAY. /rant hehe
I got a pair of some killer black pants and the same ones in grey, or is it gray, Whatever. Then I got this smashing blazer with that’s a 3/4 sleeve, but the button was missing. The button wouldn’t have fit over my big ass boobs anyway, but I got 50% off on it. Let’s see, I also got a basic black pencil skirt which is pretty nice cause you can day it from day wear to night wear (it’s stretchy so if you just pulled it up to make it super short and slutty it would stay.) My mom also insisted I get this black and grey leopard dress. I thought it was ugly as hell but once I tried it on it was totally cute. It’s a wrap dress too. (I should be taking pictures but I am also applying for jobs. SUE ME)
THEN they had some summer dresses they had pulled out, marked down, and ticketed limited quantity. So to my surprise I fit into a much smaller size (the only one available too) and I can’t even begin to tell you how good that felt. I didn’t even know what pants size to pick out. I started a size under what I thought and just kept going down. I have been SO SELF CONSCIOUS of my body and the weight gain that this stupid bipolar medication did to me. It like killed my spirit, because who wants to be happy when they’re over weight, they really can’t control it, they want to hide all the time, and they KNOW IT’S ALL ANYONE EVER SAYS WHEN THEIR NAME COMES UP. Come on, I’m shallow and I’ve done it, don’t say you haven’t too, because you’re either lying or you’re this guy:
It feels good to be a clothes whore again, even though I am flat fucking broke without a job. LOTS OF JOB PROSPECTS. But still, I can look at something and think I can’t buy that because I can’t wear it because you can’t wear shit like that anymore because you’re bipolar and the meds they have you on made you gain so much weight. UGH. I have been researching getting more involved with mental illness awareness because there is SUCH a stigma involved with it.
After being diagnosed as bipolar, my doctor just kept increasing my meds, just more, and more, and more, and more. Never asked how I was doing or anything. She ultimately made me WORSE. Put me into a BIGGER depression. Yeah I took the meds, but you just kept giving me more, and that’s not what I needed.
The circumstances that lead me to my doctor now are pretty fucked up and I really don’t think I want to talk about that on here but what he isn’t is a pill pusher. I feel like every doctor in the private mental health world is a pill pusher. And hey, I know how it works too. I worked in a medical office for 3 years, I know about the deals they make with the drug companies, and how they wine & dine them to push their drugs. I use to schedule the appointments with the drug reps to meet with the doctors. They had to get through ME. So they used to butter me up. So it’s all bull shit in the private practice, which is why I’m glad I ended up on the state level.
My ADHD is kicking into OVERLOAD right now. I’ve done 2398508 things today already and still have more to come. My post originally was just about how proud I am of myself for overcoming the depression I had over everything, and then over the weight gain and found a way to be strong and do something about it. Because for SO LONG I talked about doing something about it. I would even make the effort for a couple of weeks to do something about it, but then give up hope. Not that I didn’t care, but I can’t explain it. I guess other people who struggle with mental illness can maybe understand that emptiness inside?
I can’t say I wasn’t somewhat motivated because I’ve always had a job. The longest I haven’t had a job was 4 months and there was a lot of fuccccccccckkkkkkkkkeeeeeeeedddddddddd up shit that happened then so I needed like a mental break. But as soon as I made a call to an old pal, I got an interview for the job I just got fired from.
So the medication and my old doctor was definitely disabling me from moving forward for uhhhhhhh 4 years, almost 5. My doctor said I have a CLEAR malpractice suit, but for what? Still ADHD is kicking in.
Oh yeah, so I lost weight, and I’m really happy for the summer. I did manage to take 2 pics last night of these dresses. On sale! Limited quantities. I know we were looking for business gear but uhhhhhhh, what can I say we’re shopaholics.
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
welcome to my happy place 