Afraid to commit

It’s no secret I’m afraid of commitment.Now I have someone who actually wants to commit to me, I’d like to commit to them, but I’m afraid. I feel like things will be different somehow. Like I am tied down. Not that I want someone else, but if I’m committed I don’t have that option of seeing what else is out there. Even though I know it’s mostly shitty men out there, and I got one of the nice ones. Do I commit, yes, no, maybe? I wish I had this:

But sadly, all I have is this…

I know he’s the one I want. He’s the one I call all day long to talk to. He’s the one I want to spend all my time with. He’s the one I can’t get enough of. He takes me out, tells me I still make him nervous, treats me like a queen, tells me how beautiful I am constantly. Why is this SO hard? Only because I’m making it.

In other news, I got a job interview for tomorrow. Sooooooooo……..

My laptop is going to die and I get shitty service temporarily. We’re calling about internet today. Thank GAWD.

Day drinking

Well I had a grand ole time day drinking with my bestie today. I’d post some selfies of us, but I only post pics of myself and keep my friends identities private. Well day drinking turned into day shopping. I really just came on here to post all the cool shit I got today.

OHhhhhhhhhhhh and I wanted and excuse to show off my day drinking outfit:

(I had my outer space leggings on with them which made the outfit so much more bad ass)

My grand total on all my shopping purchases today? $15 mother fuckers! Suck on that! Maybe you should get drunk and go shopping more often because apparently everything is cheaper that way. Anyway, I am waiting for my boo to get back here. He’s staying overrrrrr. My bestie I hung out with tonight is such a doll face that she actually took my laundry home to her house (since I don’t have a washer & dryer) and is going to do it for me! What a sweettttttie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ❤ ❤

Well I’m going to watch a movie and cuddle with this cute little (well not so little) fuzz ball!

Sunday Morning

I love this song. I figured a music video for the song “Sunday Morning” would be a good way to kick off my Sunday morning blog. I’m surprised I got out of bed before 1:00 PM today considering how tired I was yesterday. I couldn’t even hang with my homies, I had to go home and pass out because of how tired I was! I’m pretty sure getting 3 hours of sleep on top of smoking a shit load of weed all day didn’t help my cause much. Whatever.

Yesterday the guys came and worked on my house a little more. They’re done ripping walls and shit out so I finally vacuumed in the house. These construction guys have made such a mess. There’s drywall, insulation, nails and screws EVERYWHERE. Not to mention all of the stuff they ripped out of my house, they didn’t even dispose of it. They left everything in my yard. The same yard my dog goes out and plays in. There are nails and shit sticking of of some of those boards too. They reassured me they’re coming back today to do more work.

I really like this guy that is working on my house. My landlord hired him since the other man he hired to do maintenance and repairs is the one who never mentioned any of these problems to my actual landlord, hence why I called the housing department to get the house ininspected\\He asked me yesterday if I can put in a good word for him to my landlord. I said absolutely! So I had to call my landlord anyway, so in my voicemail I made sure to say something along the lines of, “Thank you so much for hiring Ron. He’s been so great and has done such great work on my house. I hope you keep him around because he’s awesome.) I currently no longer speak to the other man he has working for him because he’s the reason I had to get this housing inspection in the first place.

My landlord lives in California, and I live in Michigan. He obviously can’t be available to come over to one of the homes if there’s a problem which is why he has this man Chuck working for him as the manager/handyman. Since I moved in here back in November I had been making miscellaneous complaints to Chuck about things that needed to be repaired in the house. The biggest one at the time was the front door. My DTE bill went up over $400 during the winter because my front door wasn’t hung right, and had about 1 1/2 inches of space above the door that cold air would blow right through.

One time I even got my dad over here when Chuck came so Chuck couldn’t try and work one over on me. My dad kept asking him, “Would YOU put this door on your house? Look at this thing!” Chuck’s response was, “Well, I just put new laminate doors on my house.” Uhhhh, you didn’t answer the question bro. He avoided every question he was asked, as well as talk in circles about everything, so nothing was ever done.

I finally got so sick of paying my rent on time every month and being ignored for having legit issues on my home that I rent, so they’re responsible for making the repairs. My landlord in California had NO knowledge of this (or so he claims, and I sort of believe him, I’m still deciding) and he’s the one who told me to call the housing department for the city to schedule an inspection. Sure enough it failed inspection with a 26 page report.

They had 30 days to complete all the repairs on the list. Tomorrow will be day #30 and I have already scheduled the inspection for 2:00 in which I know they won’t pass. My landlord also threatened me with eviction if I tried to with hold my rent from him for this month while they were making the repairs. I looked up my rights and responded back to him that he can’t evict me for that, and he can’t threaten me with eviction either. I told the building inspector what he said to me and he told me when he comes to look at the house tomorrow he will also give me some legal advice about what we do next.

So now it’s 6:30 PM. I realized I never finished my Sunday morning blog. I managed to take a shower and look decent. The guys never showed up to do any work on my house today. (Big surprise there) My mom asked me to come over and help decorate cookies.

I got pretty creative in my decorating as you can see. I didn’t have much to work with as far as different sprinkles and shit but I got jazzy with what was available. I’m now over at my friends house drinking a hard cider and smoking a W’s (weed and wax)

I just never know where the day is going to take me….

I never review my blogs before I post them but I’m sure by reading them you can see my bipolar and ADHD come out through my words about my day and shit. Filled with a million thoughts, highs, lows, up, down, sideways, going here doing that.

Ah well these guys are about to play some video games. I may stick around for a little more 420 action but I’m pretty toasted, baked, high, fried, whatever. But I think I might go home and veg the fuck out. It sounds real nice man.

Perhaps I will blog again later. We shall see. Peace out homies. Enjoy your Sunday. (Which in my world is the day of rest.)

Okay and now that I’m home I’m going to rape Netflix and watch the new episode of Nurse Jackie, and of course eat some of these delicious cookies. Mmmmmmm cookies.

Also, I wanted to post these pictures of Maizy I snapped last night. I got my Coach scarf and put it on her for a couple photo ops so she would look like a designer doggy. I think she pulled it off nicely. My little doggy fashion model.

4/20!

Well today is a magical day for stoners. It’s our holiday! Not like we don’t celebrate it everyday or anything. But today we get to dedicate our entire day to the fact that we love to smoke pot. We’re entitled to that. Shit, we celebrate George Washington & Abe Lincoln’s birthdays, we should celebrate this too!

I’m dressed for the occasion as you can see.

I am going to take this opportunity and post to talk about why weed is great and how it has helped me with my mental illness. I know it’s still technically considered a “drug” but that’s something the government wants us to believe. Some people just have a problem with it because it’s illegal, and don’t even consider the benefits. It’s fucking SCIENCE. I don’t give a shit what the fucking law says, it truly has helped me.

I know that I’ll probably be on medication for my mental illnesses for the rest of my life. Harsh chemicals in my body for the rest of my life can’t really be healthy. I choose to smoke weed because while yes, it still is smoking, it’s fucking natural bro. You can’t tell me that a plant is harmful to my heath. You can’t tell me that something natural is way better than something man made out of poison. You can’t tell me that despite it being illegal, it doesn’t help me.

When I smoke, I get relaxed. I laugh, I say stupid shit, other people laugh. I get hungry. I get lazy sometimes. But there’s never been a single time in my life where I’ve been so high off pot that it has destroyed something, ruined my life, injured someone, or anything NEGATIVE. It’s not addictive. It’s fun, and it makes me feel free. I DON’T SEE ANY SERIOUS PROBLEMS HERE. Have you ever read how many side effects are on one medication? I’m on like 6 different medications. How can this be good? You know what side effect should come with every bag of weed you buy? Warning: May cause extreme happiness and hunger. Order tacos before use, and get on the internet machine and Google image search unicorns for instant LOLz.

I know I’m not a fucking doctor, and I haven’t done all the research. But I’ve researched and experimented enough to know that there’s nothing harmful, dangerous, bad, or negative about smoking weed, other than the negative stigma our government has given it by making it illegal.

It pisses me off that pot is illegal. For example there is a local ordinance in Ann Arbor that allows you to just get a ticket for possession of weed instead of going to jail. However, there are also state cops that have more authority who will patrol the same areas as the local police just looking to bust people for small time marijuana charges because it’s an easy bust. Seems like a total waste and allocation of government resources, doesn’t it? THAT’S BECAUSE IT IS. There are so many people in jail right now for small time marijuana charges, and REAL criminals are out on the streets. You couldn’t possibly spin this to make it right because it’s wrong. SO WRONG.

I am happy that Michigan does support medical marijuana. When this was being proposed into office I was in a lot of political groups at the time to help raise awareness to voters on why they should pass it. I’d like to think it was my way of giving back to my community as a stoner. All of our hard work that year paid off because Michigan passed the bill! I am fully qualified to get my medical marijuana card, it just comes down to the fact I don’t have money right now. It’s something my doctor and I discuss, because I have always been open & honest with my doctor about my pot use. I think it’s important for him to know I use it because it will directly effect how he medically treats me. He can’t prescribe it himself, but he has given me all the necessary paperwork and list of physicians who can help.

Also, here’s some fucking food for thought…. (literally)

Yeah, suck on those nuts!!!

Thank you all for reading my stoned rant/blog today. Maybe you learned something, maybe you didn’t. Perhaps you agree, or disagree. It’s even possible that you’re so fucking high right now you can’t even comprehend what I’m saying at all, and the words are floating off your computer screen. (If you are, message me, I want your dealers #….) But in honor of today I felt as though it was important to blog about it. Smoke on friends. One love. ❤

4/20 UPDATE 10:08 PM EST:

The day has been great. I managed to get out of my house and pick up some 4/20 supplies at a super good deal. Some of the swag included this:

Pure medical grade buddy. I don’t fuck around.

200 MG of pot per cookie. STRONG AS FUCK. I got 2. Shared half now I’m going balls deep on this one. My friend also picked up a pipe to smoke wax out of that looks like Master Shake from Aqua Teen Hunger force, and it’s totally rad, and gets you superrrrr weird.

THEN as I was pulling up I decided to check my mail, and guess what arrived? A check for $198.10 to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don’t even work there anymore and they’re still paying me and sending me checks, paying my unemployment, and I have free state insurance. Well I’d say getting fired has really done a lot of good for me! You are qualified for all these free programs! And bitches be paying you like what upp!!! Yay for 4/20 and it almost being my birthday. I changed my wallpaper today on my iPhone! YAYYYYY!

An interesting article I found about. Michigan Voters Could Legalize Recreational Marijuana Use In 2016 Election

Fun video to awesome song and a bunch of shit I wish I could do. ENJOY MOTHA FUCKERS!

Blue sky action

I took full advantage of this beautiful day! I was such a bum yesterday and literally slept the entire day. I think I had some kind of bug or something. Needless to say it’s gone! I feel FANTASTIC today. My dog woke me up around 8 AM, probably because I never let her out last night. I got ready and jazzed up and make some phone calls. THEN here’s the fantastic part. I went to my old work to meet up with my friend and they had a pizza party for lunch, and she brought me some pizza! Haha take that fucktards! I’m hijacking your pizza party even after you fire my ass. Mwuahahahahaha. I also had it out with my HR department for never getting back to me about my paycheck, despite telling me yesterday she would. I called her, emailed her, then I finally said fuck it and called the main headquarters. Sure enough after I talked with them I got an email from her. I have clearly said to her that I just want to be done with the company already, and basically hurry the fuck up so I can go away forever.

I also heard some shady shit that’s going on at work. (No surprise) But my name is STILL coming up. Are you kidding? I mean come the fuck on. It flatters me that people give that many fucks about me, and that they keep bringing my name up this long after I leave. Get over yourselves.

Anyway, after I met up with my friend she decided it was way too nice outside to go back to work. (and my old boss knew she was meeting up with me…. what a bad influence) We hit up Walmart and I did enough grocery shopping for me & Maizy both that should last us a couple of weeks. My friend and I also decided to put on dresses. I mean shit it’s perfect dress weather!

Oh also I finally got my new front door and screen door! Yay! Ask, believe, and you shall receive. I swear when the sun is out, nothing bad can happen. I definitely think I had some seasonal depression, but you would too if you had Michigan weather. Spring tortures us with like one super nice day early on, then it gets cold as fuck for a few more weeks, then maybe another nice day here or there. We say if you don’t like the weather, just wait 5 minutes. It’s true, so when we get these nice days I really enjoy them.

The image of the song that I posted is one of my “happy songs” and today it was fitting. It was nice to have my sun roof open, blasting this song, hair waving all over the place, no fucks given at all. My “happy songs” are songs that I can listen to and they will instantly put me in a good mood. I have attached the video for your listening enjoyment. It’s house music, so it might not be your taste, but my taste is everything. You really should listen to it despite it not being your taste!

My mom also adopted a new dog today! She’s so fucking cute. Her name currently is Dot but they are working on another name. Here’s some pics of her! The other dog in the pic is my mom’s other dog Mr. Big. She wants to name this dog Carrie (from Sex and the City, Carrie and Mr. Big, so cute…anyway) but her boyfriend doesn’t want to. But they would be soooooooooo cute as Carrie & Mr. Big! (You can also catch a glimpse of my FAVORITE sandals in the first picture, courtesy of Victoria’s Secret from like 94850283509 years ago)

Okay, well I wanted to update before I pop back over to my friends house. I really just feel like changing out of this dress and putting on my jammy’s but I guess I can show face for a little bit longer. I am already in this cute dress, and BONUS my friend’s sister pulled up and had a bunch of earrings, and gave me this pair because they match my dress! I just WON AT LIFE TODAY!!!I Okay, time to jet. I’m getting a new bathtub tomorrow! Yahoo!!!!!!!

Also thank you again to everyone who reads my blog. I do this as a therapy tool for myself, but it’s awesome that other people read it. I just want to raise awareness to the mental illness community and show that it’s not something we should hide or be ashamed of. This is who we are, and we deal with it. Sometimes I am bat shit fucking crazy, but most of the time I’m just misunderstood. As Madonna said, “This is who I am, you can like it or not. You can love me, or leave me, but I’m never gonna stop, no no.”

Another Birthday Wishlist

Since yesterday was once month until my 29th birthday, I was inspired by lack of sleep and back pain to go online and find somethings I want for my birthday. The stuff I posted before was a little over priced so hopefully when I pass this along to you (my actual friends who read that will hopefully be attending my party and want to bring gifts) as well as my family, they will say these are a little bit more reasonable than a $100 print of a balloon animal skeleton.

More birthday wishlist items. These are more reasonably priced than the others.

http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/mars-attacks-leggings – I want these SO BADDDDD

http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/wonder-woman-bikini – I need a new bathing suit this year too because I have lost weight

http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/rainbow-light-projector

 

http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/donut-pool-float

(I do have a pool at my dad’s house where this could be utilized, along with my inflatable pretzel)

http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/giant-ice-cream-cone-lamp

http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/starry-night-projector

http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/pac-man-stained-glass-lamp

 http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/hologram-bandage-dress

http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/reptar-hoodie

http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/tie-dye-psychedelic-socks

http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/diy-rainbow-led-shoes

http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/middle-finger-snowglobe

http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/nerds-dress

http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/black-cat-stockings

http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/creepy-unicorn-mask

 

Don’t even tell me for a second none of this shit is cool as fuck and that you can’t imagine me rocking this shit all over town?

Free pony ride Friday

I am wearing this gem today. It’s going to be a good day I think. I feel it. Right? See. Think. Believe. 



Tshirt courtesy of 5 below 

This post started at 7 am. Today has not improved. I’m pushing through somehow. It’s 6 pm and I have no solution to my problems. I’m so close to losing my job. I fucking don’t know if I care or not. I do for financial reasons. I’m just trying to stay around people today and not be alone because being alone with my thoughts is scary right now. 



I don’t know what direction to go. Up, down, left, right, sideways? Shit! Being fucking bipolar is confusing. Then being high on top of that. Then tired, don’t know what’s going on with this person, this property, this situation, fuck all this. 

But I am still trying, it’s not fuck all this. I’m not supposed to be thinking about this. I shall return later with better thoughts, and a more optimistic outlook. I’m actually looking up my horoscope. It’s Friday the 13th. No wonder. 



Funny. I did hang out with some kiddos today and went to the park to get my mind off things  it helped. We jumped over speed bumps and puddles too. It really helped to get to get my inner child on, and that was BEFORE I read this. How physadelic is that? 

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

Jack Johnson really had it right when he wrote that song. There’s one thing you must know about me. I HATE WAITING ON PEOPLE. I had to post for two reasons. One because I’m pissed I’m waiting on someone to come home.

Second, MY INTERNET HAS BEEN RESTORED!

My sister and I were kind of arguing so I made up with her, so my heart feels a little lighter because of that. Plus I have amazing girlfriends that I can call and be like. What the fuck are we bitching about? We’re awesome! This, this, this, and this may suck, but there’s always a thunderstorm before a rainbow. Right, bitches?

(What, I couldn’t put a regular rainbow in there. I googled “trippy rainbows”)

So I guess that’s it for me. I can’t think of anything else to post. I think I’ll let song lyrics will let take over my thoughts.

One other thing to add… here’s the weather forecast for metro Detroit this week. EEEEE!

Turn this frown upside down in a post? Let’s see. Ready. Set. BLOG!

Tonight’s blogging space. Super snazzy. I know.

Today has been just like what I would imagine building a house would be like, except but building a house full of anxiety, emotions, stress, anger, frustration, feeling overwhelmed, tired, and a whole bunch of other things. I’m trying to take on so much at once, and I’m clearly not “hustling” hard enough to do it. I have to pick up some kind of side gig or something because I am not preforming well enough for “the man.” (ha!)

What I should do is get another gig elsewhere, but I like what I do, and I get comfortable (even though I am clearly not comfortable at this current moment.) But why should I have to leave just because everything else is fucked? No, that’s not how shit works in my world. Unicorns have mother fucking horns so they can ram them into mother fuckers they don’t like. Science. Magical science. I’m trying to turn the WORST MOOD EVER into somewhat of the not worst mood ever. Something that is helping is that all my old playlists have been brought back in legacy mode. AH. Die. Music is like my life, life, life, life, life, life.

I lost my shit on pretty much everyone today. It was a combination platter of work + personal + financial + mental + physical + stress + WTF + ?>GS:LT#(T)OISF. I was never a good math student so I’d say that equals F. For what you say? Oh, that’s simple. My favorite word to describe or emphasize anything.

Yep. Even when I was in school, that was still the answer to all the math problems I didn’t know. Solve for X? Hey, I’ll solve for F. Oh wait, couldn’t find it. But I found U, C and K!!!!

Across the Universe by the Beatles just come on. This is why music inspires me. I can lose my own thoughts instead of crying or panic attacks or freaking the fuck out on people and instead listen to how other people thought at the time. My music library would impress anyone. I am a hippie, club kid, 80’s kid, classic rock and roll, classical music, house, jazz, blues, I mean, there’s literally nothing, nothing, I won’t listen to. I’ve played music, I’ve experienced the performance, I grew up listening to good music. (Thanks Mom!)

Sorry, side tracked… hehehehe

So anyway, there’s also this that’s positive. I put some on to shake me out of my negative nancy sassy bitch pants, as well as ate some Jell-o. (Even though I thought about Bill Cosby raping people. He ruined Jell-o. Bastard!)

Oh shit, my jam came on. “Pink” by Aerosmith. “As pink as the sheets as we lay on, cause pink is my favorite crayon.” My mom was actually just backstage at Aerosmith the other night in Las Vegas and her friend met Steven Tyler! I have been rocking to Aerosmith since the tender age of about 4. I used to tie bandanas around my toy microphone like he did and sing all of his songs. I had a poster on my little mermaid bedroom as a kid until my sister put a gum mustache on Steven’s face.

I am a little bummed to be spending Friday night alone. But, me? Around more people today?

I kind of figured today’s post would be a little long. Okay fuck that, I knew I was going to come on here tonight and blow this shit up tonight. I posted this earlier on my facebook, but I’ll say this here (since my identities are separate) but I really do wear my heart on my sleeve, and I’m about to start wearing mother fucking tank tops. Yeah, I get emotional and fucking crazy. Most don’t understand. I’m bipolar, I’m ADHD and I have anxiety, plus a whole bunch of other shit. When one thing sets me off, it’s like:

One thing stems into like t908582305820852014mlkg, (give or take a few) filled with highs, lows, getting distracted with the ADHD, anxious and panicky. I hate when people see it. They don’t get it. People who get it get it, but then others don’t.

I think I’ll end that there because this mac & cheese has been eye fucking the shit out of me for way too long. Plus I’m like super hungry – you know 🙂

My blog posted/playlist ended at Stevie Nicks, “Edge Of Seventeen” Yessssss

2 posts in 1 night?

I just had to post this. I hardly ever cleanse my Facebook. Mostly because I don’t give 2 fucking shits who sees anything I have to say. But tonight I did a cleanse. I just did a big fat DELETE on so many people. Some I realized already deleted people. So it was like a mutual respect that we don’t like each other. They just beat me to the punch. COOL. Also, it was really just an excuse to post this. (If I’m being TOTALLY honest here.)