Blahhh

My dog decided to jump on my bed at 4:00 this morning. She thought it was time to wake up and play. This is not what I wanted when I have a 10 hour work day ahead of me. Oh Maizy, you’re so crazy. 

Nothing really new has been going on with me. I decided to meet a guy off a dating site. He was nice, but I don’t think it’s going to work out. We might hang out this weekend, I’m not sure. This weekend my dad is going out of town so I’ll have the house to myself. Thank god. Sometimes it’s just so nice to be home alone. 

I need to start working on saving my money. After my dad blowing up at me yesterday like I’m 12 years old again, I’ve realized I need to get a game plan in order so I can move out. I can’t stand living here anymore and unless I start planning and saving, it’s not going to happen. I need to start making more money. 

I wish I still had my old place. Even with all the shitty things I had to deal with, at least I had my own place. Somewhere I could go and do whatever I wanted. However, thats how I fell off track and got into drugs pretty badly. Maybe I’m not ready to live on my own again. I don’t have much impulse control. 

I have been really responsible about making sure I take my Meds again. I’ve been staying on a pretty regular schedule as far as sleep goes. Except for today because my dog woke me up. That little stinker.

Also, at work yesterday we were doing our fall schedule. I got suckered into working every Saturday and having Friday’s off. I’m indifferent about it right now. I know it’ll be fine for a while but I’m not sure how much I’ll like it later. I told them I want at least 1 Saturday off a month. That’s the deal. My coworker was so happy I decided to do it so he didn’t have to. I feel like it’s whatever. I’ll do it until I don’t want to anymore. Saturday’s are a pretty easy day. I get to take all the leads, all the phone calls. Plus my boss isn’t there. Also, FREE FOOD. 

Plus I only work with one other person and they leave an hour before I do. My last hour of work I usually just watch Netflix. That’s what I did yesterday too. Since it was the last day of the month, no one called, they all just came in. If you’re in the market for a new vehicle, the closer to the end of the month the better. I call people with incentives and as the year goes on, the incentives get better and better as well. Just a handy tip! 

Ahhh im so hungry and I’m broke as a joke. The only thing I can afford today is a pack of smokes and a Gatorade. I’ve actually cut back on pop and only drink diet Gatorade now. My Meds usually make me super thirsty so I need to make sure I have something tasty to drink at all times. Plus, pop goes warm and doesn’t taste good. I can have a Gatorade on my desk all day and it still tastes just as good. 

Anyway, I think I’m going to end here. (So cute, Maizy just heard a doorbell on tv and went to the window and is barking. Good guard doggy!) Like I said, nothing too interesting going on with me right now. Have a good almost Friday everyone! 

Today wrap up

I was sure if I should make a new post or update the other one. But I don’t think the email subscribers would be notified if I didn’t make a new post.

 I got all my things accomplished today. I woke up, had my morning chill time as I already posted about. I felt pretty high and hungry by the time I got to work. I had to meet my mother down the street to pick it up, and she didn’t have it secured in a bag or anything. I was super nervous to drive with it. 

But I made it to work successfully! Everyone raved about it, much like last time. Here’s the final product.

I had some mac & cheese, walleye, chicken, potatoes, green beans, and 2 pieces of my moms cheesecake. Everyone wants her to make some for different events. I really wish I knew how to cook. I do make really really cute cupcakes. I buy the cutest mix and frosting, then experiment with food coloring and make them pink and purple. Or sometimes red and green for Christmas. I need to start doing more of that. All these posts come up on my Facebook about my old tie dying business. For what little resources I had at the time, I did a pretty good job at networking and getting my stuff all over the world! (Yes, WORLD) I know I’m capable of great success. I was just in a really bad place last year and I’m glad I found a job I love. (I feel like I say that all the time) 

But when you have such a huge past, it’s hard to return to normal life. Like fitting in at a job, actually having the drive to go to work, and perform. When something is up to me how much extra money I make on commission, I grind hard. 

Speaking of commission, they might roll out something new. If you have a personal best that month, you get an extra 10% bonus. Also, if the team as a whole improves, you get another 10%. I hope this happens. I get at the first of the following month, but since they won’t have final numbers in time for our payday on the 2nd, we have to wait until the 9th. I’m a little bummed about this. It was a really slow month for us in our department. For example, last month I had 17 cars and thus month I think i only have like 11-12. A lot can happen the last few days of the month though. Those salesman work really hard (and late) to hit better numbers for the month. They’re also having a contest with if we sell enough of 2 different cars as a whole, everyone who sold those cars gets a bonus. Lots of opportunities to make money. That’s what I like. I could see myself being here for a while, and hopefully eventually moving up in the company. I feel like I’m on the right track and the possibilies are endless. 

It’s hard living with many mental disorders. People who live with them know what it’s like. Sometimes we just don’t feel “normal”. I have to take medication multiple times a day in order to do anything, or to be able to fall asleep. I hate it. I have these little rituals I have to do everyday in order to either worry about how much sleep I’m going to get in a night, and I have to take my Meds by a certain time, so I can’t go out when I have to work in the morning because it messes with my routine. It’s so stupid. Then in the morning I feel like I have to be awake like hanging out for a while so I can chill for a bit  while my morning Meds kick in.

I specifically don’t take my adderall everyday because some days I don’t feel like doing anything. However, I feel like I’d be a hell of a lot more motivated to get things together. Like I usually don’t take it Sunday’s. Even though I don’t usually leave the house, I should still be around the house doing things like laundry, or cleaning out my room. But instead I lay in bed all day and veg out on tv. I know that can’t be good. Like I can only get out of bed and do shit when I have it in me? It freaks me out that it has that much control over me. Although I wish I was naturally motivated and had big life goals I’m trying to accomplish. But I just settle with living in the now and staying away from drugs. 

I’m on a good path, I am excited what the future holds. That’s the first time I’ve honestly said that in a while. I truly think next year is going to be a great one for me. I just want to set some minor goals and work toward them. Like id like to be moved out. I’m barely affording shit right now. I could cut back, I know. But I’m not motivated to move just yet. I’ve been back almost a year. (October will be a year since I got out of rehab and moved back home) it worries me that if I live alone,’I’ll be left to my own vices again and it could go horribly wrong. It already did once, and there hasn’t been enough time to not go back to those behaviors. 

Also, happy national dog to my sweet rescue dog Maizy!

This is her at my friends house. I just finished get appointment when my friend called this afternoon. I was out in her neck of the woods so I popped over with the pooch. Her son loves my dog so it was really cute to see him and get together. I got my pups nails trimmed, she got her Meds for fleas, heart worm, ring worm, and hook worm. These sound disgusting which is why I want to prevent her from it. She got vaccinated today too. 

Last year she only got a 1 year rabies vaccine, however this year she got one that’s good for 3 years. She still has to get another shot in a couple more weeks. I had to spread them up because today’s visit already cost me $81. If I added the other thing on it would’ve been well over $100, easily. So I declined. They told me in January she’s due for a teeth cleaning. They take her for the whole day and she has to be knocked out. I think she’d act really silly all high on Meds. She loves pot. One bad thing (among so many others) about being a (former) pill popper is that you frequently drop your shit on the ground. Maizy luckily doesn’t like pills. She will eat just about anything. She did eat her pill tonight right after she ate her dinner. (Or else she’ll get sick) 

I think I’m in for the night. I was supposed to clean my car out, but it’s right around the time I start my nighttime rituals that it might have to wait. I have to get up fairly early tomorrow because I decided to pick up a shift. Since I like my morning chill time, I have to wake up even earlier. I don’t have to start getting ready till 7:30, howver my alarm is set for 6:04. I’m just weird like that. Do any of you have any morning or evening rituals? Things you have to do before you go to bed or get started with your day? Or am I just weird and all alone on this? 

Alright yall, I have to find something to wear to work tomorrow and probably move my car. 

To idles ✌🏻️

Restless mind syndrome

I just made something up, or maybe I didn’t, I haven’t googled it or anything. But I can’t shut my brain off to save my life. I can tell it’s wearing on my dog too because she isn’t getting much sleep either. It’s really a fucking mess. Okay, so I’ll give you a play by play.

I didn’t hear from evil all weekend but I figured out it was probably due to the fact that his parents were gone and his brother was covering for them. Those two are thick as thieves and he will say whatever to distract me so they can do whatever. Not that I think he was getting into serious  trouble or anything but I obviously because I don’t want to be apart of it he wouldn’t bother to let me know what he was doing. So what did I do? The WORST thing I could do. I ran back to good.

Is it so bad to feel wanted? I ran back to him. We didn’t do anything. Just kissed. But that’s the same thing that I did when I saw evil last week. Although I didn’t admit to good that I still love him, because I’m not quote sure what the fuck I’m even doing. I know I just lured back in and got his hopes way the fuck up for some reconciliation. Am I ready for a relationship? I can’t even get up and take a shower in the morning without taking my medication everyday. I know that’s a sad thought, But it’s true. Now I’m trying to relax and watch tv and all I want to do is get up and move every ten seconds, so I only felt it was appropriate to blog. Put my jitteryness to use by taping these keys.

I’m so good at solving other peoples problems but not my own. Why the fuck is that? So anyway, good told me that my ex friend A was asking about me a couple weeks ago but he wouldn’t share any information. She was just looking for gossip, I doubt it was for any general concern.

Evil’s mom said he said he was going to call me, I have yet to receive that call. Why do I let myself get caught up? It’s like when we’re in the moment we want to believe everything is the truth, but then we sit back and reflect on it and we know it’s all bullshit, and we only hear what we want to hear. But deep down inside we knew it all along. I could fucking kick myself for all my bad actions lately. I really fucking could. But you can’t change anything. I really freaked out on my therapist today, she told me to go to a hospital….. I told her they would probably put me on psych hold because of my mania/manic jibber jabber. I hate being bipolar.

I also wanted to let you know having a pen pal is COOL. I got this in the mail today and you should be jealous. We have been pen pals since like 2008 or something! Thanks C!

 

PS Meds I think started to kick in. Starting to feel a little relaxed. Hope I did not jinx it gotta wake up early for an appointment before work EEK.

My Struggles.

So since I have been out of treatment I have been making some progress. I just recently started a new ADHD medication. I never had a problem with abusing my Adderall but since it is a narcotic it’s best that I don’t take it. So I started something else, I don’t even know what it’s called. It seems to give me a little boost of energy. I feel like I’m about 70 years old with all the different medications I’m on. I take a medication for depression, a stomach pill, an anti anxiety pill 3 times a day, something for seizures and mood stabilizers for my bipolar 3 times a day, and now this ADHD medication, and then something for sleep.

I went for a job interview on Monday. I should be hearing back from them today. I am getting a little nervous as time goes on and I don’t hear anything. I’m afraid to even take a shower and leave my phone for 15 minutes because they might call. I nailed the interview. After the interview was over the lady who interviewed me showed me around the office and introduced me to all the managers and showed me all the different departments. I’m not sure if they did that for everyone, but she also made it clear that everyone knew I worked for Google. They are looking to hire about 10-15 people and starting next Monday so, I really hope that I get this gig. It’s really close to home, it’s within my pay, and it’s flexible hours. Last week I only applied for like 3 jobs and I was hoping I got a call for this one because it was so close to home. It’s actually in the same building that I used to take classes in. So, fingers crossed!

 I just got back from taking a little coffee run. I am not supposed to be drinking a lot of caffeine ever since I was diagnosed with my stomach condition but let’s just be honest here, when have I ever listened to doctors? I definitely don’t drink an entire pot of coffee like I used to. What I normally do in the morning is heat up the rest of the coffee that’s left over from my dad in the morning. But today I really wanted a little extra, so I went out to Tim Horton’s. When I was in treatment, a few of the girls and I went to Washington DC. One of the first stops we made was next to a Tim Horton’s. We ran over there as fast as we could. DO YOU KNOW HOW GOOD THAT SHIT TASTED? It was like heaven. I will never, ever take Timmy Ho’s for granted again. I’ve only had it twice since I’ve been out.

(Speaking of DC, there’s the t-shirt from some dude who was selling them right off the subway. Quite the deal, only $8. Don’t mine the nerd glasses. hehe. Just wanted to show I got the biggest coffee they sold.)

You’d think I’d be going crazy on all the foods I’ve missed. However, my body just can’t handle food anymore. NO I DO NOT HAVE AN EATING DISORDER. After I was diagnosed with my stomach condition, I was told I could go on a bland diet, or a liquid diet. Since I don’t cook, I chose to go on a liquid diet. Then when I went into treatment, I went off of it since the food is pretty bland. The medicine I am on is a huge appetite suppressant, therefor I really can’t gain much weight. In fact, if I eat something that has a high fat content, or eat too much, I’ll get sick. This is why in the past year I’ve lost so much weight. Here’s just a reference for you.

Before:

After:

Being that overweight was one of the hardest and most depressing things that has ever happened to me. It started when I got sober the first time. I went to rehab and got fat. (which is natural, because your body is so weak from all the drugs) But then they kept me on this medicine that does nothing but make you eat, and constantly. I didn’t realize it at the time. My doctor kept upping my dose, and I was so dependent on it. I didn’t realize what was happening. When I first started working, I was working in a doctors office so I got to wear scrubs, so I didn’t have to wear anything form fitting, then I worked in a call center where I could wear yoga pants and t-shirts. I had no idea how big I had gotten. I didn’t have a social life, I never went any where. I didn’t want to take pictures of myself. I hid from the real world. I was so embarrassed.

Every once in a while I would have the urge to lose weight, but I would always want to cheat. Find some magical pill or supplement. I knew there was no magical way to do it. I had no idea that this medicine was doing it to me. NO CLUE. I just kept taking it, and taking it. My doctor kept on upping my dose. I had no idea she was the problem. Then one day, I had a seizure. It was from the medicine. You’d think she would discontinue it, but no she didn’t. She just gave me more medicine. This would ultimately be the end of me. She prescribed me a benzo, Adivan. A month later she would mix up the dose. I would end up taking the entire bottle and end up in a psych ward for 2 1/2 weeks. I would never see that doctor again.

It was a blessing in disguise. It let me to the doctor I have now. Who treats me properly. He realized that the medicine that gave me the seizure, that made me gain over 80 pounds, made me depressed, and feel worse, was the problem. He could reverse it. There was a pill that could treat my bipolar, my seizures, and help me with my weight. I thought, finally! Someone who will LISTEN to my concerns. I’ve been with this doctor ever since.

I thought since I was abusing the Xanax he was prescribing me that lead me into treatment he was going to discharge me as a patient, however he didn’t. He understood that this type of thing could’ve happened. I wasn’t just abusing the Xanax, I was doing far much worse things. Pretty much everything you could think of this time around. Last time I went to treatment it was just for Vicodin. This time, it was for EVERYTHING. You name it, I did it. I’m not ashamed anymore. This is my blog, this is where I share my truth. Sure, I don’t parade it around on my Facebook. Because not EVERYONE needs to know. I’m sure people have their suspicions on why I disappeared for a month. Fuck ’em.

I’m excited to get back to real life once again. I just got the call I’ve been waiting for. I GOT THE JOB!

I will be starting my job next Tuesday! I’ll be training Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday from 10-4. I’ll get a pay raise after 60 days. She said there is a lot of room for advancement. That is something I haven’t heard in a long time. Something I’m going to do differently in this job that I haven’t done in a long time is KEEP TO MYSELF. I always get buddy buddy with people. I can be friendly, but I don’t want to get caught up in other people’s business. I want to work hard, and keep to myself and hopefully that will help me keep on track to advancement.

WELL that’s all from me today! I am very excited. I got the call I was waiting on! Now I can take a shower. hehehe. Lots of love to everyone! xoxoxoxo

Broken as fuck

Here’s a pic of one sick patient comforting another. My dog has an ear infection and I broke my tooth today, and fell down the stairs twice the other day. My knees are all cut up and bruised as fuck along with my left elbow. I can’t get in to see a dentist until the morning. Luckily I have weed and some leftover pain medicine and I can barely feel it, but the fact that I still can is crazy because I shouldn’t be in pain right now. Anyway, I’m really falling apart right now because I fell down the stairs too. I’m legit fucked up. I haven’t been taking my medication and I know that hasn’t been helping. My bipolar has been out of control. I know I grind my teeth a lot and I have mini seizures which is why I think my tooth broke. It’s honestly my biggest fear and I’m freaking the fuck out. I want to jump out of my skin. I’m so afraid to look and I haven’t even looked. My friend and good looked at it and said it wasn’t even that bad but I saw the piece in the gum that it broke out in and it looked big but I probably exaggerated. I made good come and stay the night with me because he was already with me when I was at my friends house. They live close by and he took us to the dispensary so it  just so happened that he was with us when this happened. Then her man or just roommate depending on the day made pasta which warms the soul. It was like white cheese macaroni with feta and bacon and tomatoes. So delish. I miss her. I told him I wasn’t going to be a very good patient and not to get offended because he’s sensitive and emotional. Anyway I took some selfies before I broke my tooth and I just ate some pot from the dispensary. This time I had a strawberry giant gummy bear and of course it was all delish.

It’s only Thursday?

I feel like this week has been incredibly long. Maybe it’s because I spent all of last week in the hospital and in an incredible amount of pain, and this week I’m back to waking up early and watching the kids. Even though I don’t have a “real” job yet, it does feel nice to still wake up in the morning and do stuff with my day, even though I don’t have to. When I was unemployed before, my bipolar would keep me so low, that I wouldn’t get out of bed, do anything, go anywhere, or even look for jobs. I just existed, slept all the time, and just wasted away. That’s the OPPOSITE of what I’m doing right now.

I usually wake up around 7 or 8 AM and get ready and watch 3 kids, ages 8, 5 and 3 all day! They’re great kids and they love me so I enjoy it. It helps out my best friend so she doesn’t have to pay for a babysitter or wait on one, since I’m already living here. All I have to do is wake up. I usually wait until the kids are awake before I take a shower but I think after this blog I might try to squeeze one in since they’re still dead asleep. (For now at least)

I’m really looking forward to the weekend because it’s my family reunion in Chicago!

I’ve never been to a family reunion before, so this should be fun. My dad’s side of the family only consists of my dad, my uncle & his wife, me and my sister. So this reunion is on my mom’s side of the family which happens to be quite large. Her cousins live in Chicago and they’re throwing it at their house! I am so excited to see this part of my family! Some of them I haven’t seen in years, and I’ve definitely grown up and changed a lot since the last they’ve seen me. I think I was like 9 or 10 the last time I saw some of my relatives, so this will be a great time to reconnect.

We are leaving tomorrow morning around 8 AM. I asked if we could leave a little later, but of course she said no. Good just moved into a new house, so I might go and stay the night there tonight with all my stuff for my trip, then go to my mom’s house from there in the morning since it’s closer. My mom told me I can just sleep in the car, but the last time I did that on a road trip with her, she got pulled over 3 times for speeding!!! Yeah, so I’m definitely going to stay awake for this one.

I have to get my laundry done, pack, watch the kids, and get everything done before tonight. I want to see good before I go on my trip, but I’ve never stayed at his place before, so I’m a little nervous/uncomfortable. I don’t know why, but I just am. Maybe because his mom lives there, and good and I have been talking for a while, and I haven’t really met his mom or know about her. I’ve only talked with her a few times in a group setting, but never one on one. So she said to him that she feels like she doesn’t even know me, it made me feel kind of awkward. See the image below as a reference of how I feel.

So here’s a picture from yesterday. I didn’t feel like washing my hair or styling it because it’s so frizzy, I managed to whip it back and pull it off. My makeup was on point yesterday too. (I’m posting yesterday’s selfie because I have yet to shower and take one today yet)

Note the matching cross necklace and earrings. Getting my Jesus and fashion on at the same time. Oh here’s something else super cute. My aunt that lives in North Carolina makes these cute ass wreaths. She decided to make me a Hello Kitty one. I’m going to get it this weekend at the reunion! How cute is this?

Let’s see….. I guess that’s really all that I have to post on today. It’s only 9:30 and I’ve managed to already do laundry, make my bed, go to my aunt & uncles house, go for coffee, talk to my friend for a bit, and write this blog! I’d say I’m on a good track of productivity today so getting things ready for my trip should be pretty easy….. That is if I keep this pace up. Anyway, I will try and blog while I’m gone, I’m going to take my laptop with me, and my phone of course! I’m sure I’ll put up a post tomorrow because Fridays are my favorite days to post! (They have great Friday memes too) Catch you guys later.

PS, I’ve been working on some rap songs. I got a few tracks down. Get ready for your mind to be blown. I went from being a classical musician and singer, to a rap artist. Yeah that’s whats up.

 Oh PPS, I got a call from a job yesterday saying that I didn’t get the job that I applied for which was a customer service call center position. HOWEVER, they want me for mortgage brokering. I’d have train for 4 months to be certified, then start working with an uncapped commission. The job requires a credit check, I don’t know what they’re looking for. I don’t have good credit, but I have also nothing HUGE or bad on there like foreclosure, bankruptcy, anything like that so……hopefully that goes well!

Life changes, changing life

I’ve been thinking a lot about what’s going to happen with this move. Living here and meeting the people I’ve met has been a great experience for me. I was thrown out on my ass with no place to go. I was taken in by a good friend of mine who helped me find the place I’m being evicted from. Sure, it’s not the greatest place or somewhere I ever imagined myself living, but it taught me a very important lesson. It showed me that instead of crying and whining about shit, just pick yourself up off the floor and do something about it.

I’ve never denied to anyone that’s called me out that I’m spoiled. So my entire life someone has always cleaned up my messes. But this time it was different. No one wanted me. I realize now that I would’ve done the same thing if I was them. I had to learn that at some point in my life I have to grow up and figure shit out on my own.

I’m so grateful for my best friend for letting me live with her. I feel like it will be really good for the both of us. She’s been through so, so, so, SO much and she definitely deserves a break. I feel like I can be that break for her. Right now I’m unemployed but I plan on paying her what I can for rent and bills, I’m hustling in so many ways for a job and money. I love her kids like they are my own so she also just got in a built in baby sitter. No more struggling with all the kids to run simple errands any more boo! 😉

If I could EVER have a roommate, it’d be her. She’s said the same thing. We just don’t like people. LOL I’m am hopeful for the future and know this will be a great experience for the both of us. We have been through hell and back over the past 25 years, so this just kind of makes sense. No joke I am literally crying as I type this right now. That’s how strongly I feel about this.

Anyway, my dad works for Ford and told me there might be an opportunity for me to get in and work there as well. It would start off as a temporary position, but could lead to full time. It’s also a UNION job which I fucking support the union 90t8w 985 3028%. They have been great to my dad who found this job way too late in life, but found it after he divorced my mother so all this money is 100% his and I’m very happy for him. No offense to my mom or anything, she’s my best friend, but she was always very controlling with their money because she made it known she made more. I jokingly call her my personal shopper now but she’s not taking money away from anyone (like my dad). she actually just came over here and dropped off a couple of dresses.

My mom also got me these Hello Kitty candies that I’m about to smash. I am sick AGAIN so candy will definitely make me feel better. Right? Right!

In other news, I talked to the prosecutor about the case involving my car. He is sending me a letter that I will take to the Secretary of State that allows me to get a REAL LICENSE PLATE BACK ON MY CAR. I have had a paper plate in my back window since this incident happened which was mid March. It’s annoying as fuck because they can pull me over at any time. Also, when it rains they can’t see it. But yayyyyyy! I’m finally getting my plate back. The ONLY thing I’m a little upset about is that I’ve had the same plate number since I got my first car and I won’t have that one anymore. 😦 I’m thinking positively though because something bad has happened with every single one of my cars. So maybe the plate number was a bad omen? I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

I have to find a job. Unemployment and prostitution is great. Um what? haha Just making sure you’re still with me there. No but seriously, this is boring. I know I will regret that when it’s like 80 degrees outside and I could just sit around and get tan all day long and get paid for it. Buttttttt I like working. I’ve worked since I was 14, so that’s over half my life! My “friend” recently got a job so he’s never around to hang out with either. My bipolar has recently been keeping me down and not wanting to look for jobs, so I can’t find anything if I’m not looking. After I post this blog I’m going to get back on track. I already have the tabs open and ready to go. Plus I’m waiting to hear back from my dad about where to apply at his work. Cha ching $$$ I also have to start organizing my stuff and start packing it up soon. I’ve decided I’m going to move my stuff at night so they don’t know what’s up. I’m a shady bitch like that. Fuck you and this piece of shit. Ahhhh, I love swearing.

Also for extra motivation I have the House station on Pandora blasting through these subs with the bass going. Who gives a fuck if I piss these neighbors off, right?? RIGHT!

(click on image to make larger because these songs are stellarrrrrr)

Alright that’s it for me today. I’m going to rest and drink a lot of water and try to fight this thing. I have a good combo of over the counter meds I can take that will kick this things ass. A doctor I used to work for told me about it because I didn’t have insurance for a while so he always helped me out. Till we meet again….

Real post. Kinda.

Sorry for my lack of postings once again. I’ve been busy! But I wanted to show off some birthday photos! 

  
   

  (Yes there is a 9 candle missing. It was there in spirit) 

 
My dress was open back and we got this redic temporary tat from a gum ball machine for a little extra flare! 

Which brings me to my next topic, I actually did get some new ink since my birthday! 

  
I already had the top one but got it touched up. The first one says little sister, the second means daughter and the third is grand daughter in Japanese Kanji. Pretty nifty huh?

  
Anyway I’m currently posting from the D. Representing the 313 motha fuckaZzzz. Because I don’t have a job when someone asks me to give them a ride somewhere for gas money and cash, I’m fucking doing it. 

There are a lot of crazies here though. Some guy asked me to share my headphones so we could listen to music together. I’m like no that’s okay, I’m selfish and I need both. Yeah, I’m a smart ass being a smart ass in Detroit. 

  

This afternoon/evening I’m going to a BBQ and drinking all the leftover booze from my party. Yes there was some leftover beer because of this liquor. Oh and let me just say, this stuff is amazing. No chaser even for the weakest, like me. 

  Smirnoff iced cake vodka. Mmmm!

My anxiety and bipolar have been all over the place lately. I think I’m getting stir crazy not working.

 Aiiiight hopefully I won’t be here too much longer! It’s 80 outside and I wanna go playyyyy!!!!

  

Sunday Morning

I love this song. I figured a music video for the song “Sunday Morning” would be a good way to kick off my Sunday morning blog. I’m surprised I got out of bed before 1:00 PM today considering how tired I was yesterday. I couldn’t even hang with my homies, I had to go home and pass out because of how tired I was! I’m pretty sure getting 3 hours of sleep on top of smoking a shit load of weed all day didn’t help my cause much. Whatever.

Yesterday the guys came and worked on my house a little more. They’re done ripping walls and shit out so I finally vacuumed in the house. These construction guys have made such a mess. There’s drywall, insulation, nails and screws EVERYWHERE. Not to mention all of the stuff they ripped out of my house, they didn’t even dispose of it. They left everything in my yard. The same yard my dog goes out and plays in. There are nails and shit sticking of of some of those boards too. They reassured me they’re coming back today to do more work.

I really like this guy that is working on my house. My landlord hired him since the other man he hired to do maintenance and repairs is the one who never mentioned any of these problems to my actual landlord, hence why I called the housing department to get the house ininspected\\He asked me yesterday if I can put in a good word for him to my landlord. I said absolutely! So I had to call my landlord anyway, so in my voicemail I made sure to say something along the lines of, “Thank you so much for hiring Ron. He’s been so great and has done such great work on my house. I hope you keep him around because he’s awesome.) I currently no longer speak to the other man he has working for him because he’s the reason I had to get this housing inspection in the first place.

My landlord lives in California, and I live in Michigan. He obviously can’t be available to come over to one of the homes if there’s a problem which is why he has this man Chuck working for him as the manager/handyman. Since I moved in here back in November I had been making miscellaneous complaints to Chuck about things that needed to be repaired in the house. The biggest one at the time was the front door. My DTE bill went up over $400 during the winter because my front door wasn’t hung right, and had about 1 1/2 inches of space above the door that cold air would blow right through.

One time I even got my dad over here when Chuck came so Chuck couldn’t try and work one over on me. My dad kept asking him, “Would YOU put this door on your house? Look at this thing!” Chuck’s response was, “Well, I just put new laminate doors on my house.” Uhhhh, you didn’t answer the question bro. He avoided every question he was asked, as well as talk in circles about everything, so nothing was ever done.

I finally got so sick of paying my rent on time every month and being ignored for having legit issues on my home that I rent, so they’re responsible for making the repairs. My landlord in California had NO knowledge of this (or so he claims, and I sort of believe him, I’m still deciding) and he’s the one who told me to call the housing department for the city to schedule an inspection. Sure enough it failed inspection with a 26 page report.

They had 30 days to complete all the repairs on the list. Tomorrow will be day #30 and I have already scheduled the inspection for 2:00 in which I know they won’t pass. My landlord also threatened me with eviction if I tried to with hold my rent from him for this month while they were making the repairs. I looked up my rights and responded back to him that he can’t evict me for that, and he can’t threaten me with eviction either. I told the building inspector what he said to me and he told me when he comes to look at the house tomorrow he will also give me some legal advice about what we do next.

So now it’s 6:30 PM. I realized I never finished my Sunday morning blog. I managed to take a shower and look decent. The guys never showed up to do any work on my house today. (Big surprise there) My mom asked me to come over and help decorate cookies.

I got pretty creative in my decorating as you can see. I didn’t have much to work with as far as different sprinkles and shit but I got jazzy with what was available. I’m now over at my friends house drinking a hard cider and smoking a W’s (weed and wax)

I just never know where the day is going to take me….

I never review my blogs before I post them but I’m sure by reading them you can see my bipolar and ADHD come out through my words about my day and shit. Filled with a million thoughts, highs, lows, up, down, sideways, going here doing that.

Ah well these guys are about to play some video games. I may stick around for a little more 420 action but I’m pretty toasted, baked, high, fried, whatever. But I think I might go home and veg the fuck out. It sounds real nice man.

Perhaps I will blog again later. We shall see. Peace out homies. Enjoy your Sunday. (Which in my world is the day of rest.)

Okay and now that I’m home I’m going to rape Netflix and watch the new episode of Nurse Jackie, and of course eat some of these delicious cookies. Mmmmmmm cookies.

Also, I wanted to post these pictures of Maizy I snapped last night. I got my Coach scarf and put it on her for a couple photo ops so she would look like a designer doggy. I think she pulled it off nicely. My little doggy fashion model.

Money makes me move

Have you ever felt like you just floated through the day? Well I have, and today was one of those days. I can’t describe it other than I floated through the day. What I mean is that nothing really significant happened today, so it all just kind of seemed rather dull. So instead of feeling productive, I just felt blahhhhh….like I just floated through the day. Maybe you understand? But I titled this blog because apparently money will make me move. I’ll explain….

Last night I received a check for $200. I didn’t really NEED to cash the check today because I had nothing to buy. I ended up at Walmart this afternoon where I first tried to cash my check. I wasn’t able to because the address on the check doesn’t match the address on my driver’s license. This pissed me off. I found another place that would cash it, which also happens to be a gas station. I decided to get gas, then cigarettes, and of course something to drink.

I came back home to finish getting ready for a doctor’s appointment I had. So I went to that, it was great, then I had to jump over to the pharmacy to get my prescriptions. Shouldn’t have spent any money at Walgreen’s since all my prescriptions are FREE with my new insurance. However I did have to wait 20 minutes, which prompted me to browse around the store. I ended up with some makeup, juice, dog treats, nail stuff, a birthday card, and some other shit. I get to the counter and my 20 minute wait time at Walgreen’s just cost me $54!!! What!?

So yeah, I just kind of floated through the day.

Hmmm…. what else did I do today? Oh yes! I ordered my sister’s birthday presents. Our birthdays are 2 years and 2 days apart. She text me today asking what I wanted for my birthday, then I asked her what she wanted. As a kid I always hated sharing my birthday, birthday parties and birthday cakes with my sister. But now that I’m older I miss it so much. We rarely spend our birthdays together since I live in Michigan and she lives in Arizona, so it’s not the same anymore. I also went online to show her what I wanted only to find that it’s OUT OF STOCK. All these months I’ve had this shit in my favorites bookmark specifically for my birthday, and now that it’s April IT’S OUT OF STOCK? Well, that’s what they wanted me to believe.

Inflatable Unicorn Head

The website is actually a company I did advertising for a couple of months back. So I pulled that card and sent an email. Of course they remembered me, and actually said they do have one in stock. SWEET. Sorry guys, it was out of stock, but if you’re awesome like me and say hey, I did advertising for you guys, then BOOM it magically becomes in stock! SCORE!

I just came back from my mom’s house. She kept telling me she bought me something for my birthday to match something I already have. Here’s the thing, I have so much shit that I had no idea what she could’ve possibly gotten me. She got me these Coach sandals to match the purse I already have! (pictured below)

I took my dog on her second ride today and I just picked up some Burger King. Someone won’t leave my side in case I drop a fry on the floor.

Alright well if this hasn’t completely bored you to death, I also wanted to briefly mention an organization yesterday that I’m really excited to start working with. It’s called Stamp Out Stigma, and it was designed to to reduce the stigma surrounding mental illness and substance use disorders. Their main website can be found here You can also find them on Facebook, Twitter and Youtube. I would also encourage for you to show your support for Mental Illness by wearing one of these bracelets. Whether you struggle with it yourself, a loved one, family member, or just because you support this cause.

Here is their support page where you can order the bracelets, update your Facebook photo to show support. and take the pledge. I ordered some bracelets last night. You have to order a minimum of 5, which I am pretty sure I can find 5 of my friends and family members who would be willing to wear this to show their support for me, and for the cause. I will be ordering more! If you are interested in one, please let me know, I will even buy them for you. They’re all about trying to erase the stigma that comes with having these disorders. I’m kind of trying to do that with this blog.

I think I’m going to veg out for the rest of the night and rape Netflix. I finally got my sleeping medication so I predict I will be going to bed very early tonight, and I will stay asleep allllllllllllll night. Ah, that just sounds like heaven right now because I’ve only been sleeping about 3-4 hours a night. (No naps either!) I just made this:

Ohhhhhhhhhhh and in case any of you have forgotten….

Peace out my lovely readers, and THANK YOU for all of your support of this blog.Please feel free to share it with your friends. I don’t actively promote this blog on any of my social media outlets because it’s something I kind of hide from most people, unless I trust them enough to read it. (and that’s a very, very, VERY, small list.) I would definitely like to get the word out there about my blog.