Tonight’s blogging space. Super snazzy. I know.
Today has been just like what I would imagine building a house would be like, except but building a house full of anxiety, emotions, stress, anger, frustration, feeling overwhelmed, tired, and a whole bunch of other things. I’m trying to take on so much at once, and I’m clearly not “hustling” hard enough to do it. I have to pick up some kind of side gig or something because I am not preforming well enough for “the man.” (ha!)
What I should do is get another gig elsewhere, but I like what I do, and I get comfortable (even though I am clearly not comfortable at this current moment.) But why should I have to leave just because everything else is fucked? No, that’s not how shit works in my world. Unicorns have mother fucking horns so they can ram them into mother fuckers they don’t like. Science. Magical science. I’m trying to turn the WORST MOOD EVER into somewhat of the not worst mood ever. Something that is helping is that all my old playlists have been brought back in legacy mode. AH. Die. Music is like my life, life, life, life, life, life.
I lost my shit on pretty much everyone today. It was a combination platter of work + personal + financial + mental + physical + stress + WTF + ?>GS:LT#(T)OISF. I was never a good math student so I’d say that equals F. For what you say? Oh, that’s simple. My favorite word to describe or emphasize anything.
Yep. Even when I was in school, that was still the answer to all the math problems I didn’t know. Solve for X? Hey, I’ll solve for F. Oh wait, couldn’t find it. But I found U, C and K!!!!
Across the Universe by the Beatles just come on. This is why music inspires me. I can lose my own thoughts instead of crying or panic attacks or freaking the fuck out on people and instead listen to how other people thought at the time. My music library would impress anyone. I am a hippie, club kid, 80’s kid, classic rock and roll, classical music, house, jazz, blues, I mean, there’s literally nothing, nothing, I won’t listen to. I’ve played music, I’ve experienced the performance, I grew up listening to good music. (Thanks Mom!)
Sorry, side tracked… hehehehe
So anyway, there’s also this that’s positive. I put some on to shake me out of my negative nancy sassy bitch pants, as well as ate some Jell-o. (Even though I thought about Bill Cosby raping people. He ruined Jell-o. Bastard!)
Oh shit, my jam came on. “Pink” by Aerosmith. “As pink as the sheets as we lay on, cause pink is my favorite crayon.” My mom was actually just backstage at Aerosmith the other night in Las Vegas and her friend met Steven Tyler! I have been rocking to Aerosmith since the tender age of about 4. I used to tie bandanas around my toy microphone like he did and sing all of his songs. I had a poster on my little mermaid bedroom as a kid until my sister put a gum mustache on Steven’s face.
I am a little bummed to be spending Friday night alone. But, me? Around more people today?
I kind of figured today’s post would be a little long. Okay fuck that, I knew I was going to come on here tonight and blow this shit up tonight. I posted this earlier on my facebook, but I’ll say this here (since my identities are separate) but I really do wear my heart on my sleeve, and I’m about to start wearing mother fucking tank tops. Yeah, I get emotional and fucking crazy. Most don’t understand. I’m bipolar, I’m ADHD and I have anxiety, plus a whole bunch of other shit. When one thing sets me off, it’s like:
One thing stems into like t908582305820852014mlkg, (give or take a few) filled with highs, lows, getting distracted with the ADHD, anxious and panicky. I hate when people see it. They don’t get it. People who get it get it, but then others don’t.
I think I’ll end that there because this mac & cheese has been eye fucking the shit out of me for way too long. Plus I’m like super hungry – you know 🙂
My blog posted/playlist ended at Stevie Nicks, “Edge Of Seventeen” Yessssss