Long day

Today is my long day at work. However I traded my long shift (Thursday’s) for Monday. You see, I usually work 10-8 on Thursday and have Friday off. But that doesn’t leave much time to do anything Thursday night. So this is my last late Thursday. I came in at noon today since I’ll be working late Monday and its in the same paycheck and they’re crazy about overtime. So I got a little late start today! It was so refreshing after having some low energy last couple of days. 

So Tuesday after the holiday I was going to work and someone hit me. She got out of her car just to tell me she didn’t have insurance and drove away. I was pretty upset and by the time I arrived at work I was shaking. I couldn’t even punch in my password to the system.  My coworker saw me and she’s like you need to leave. She had one of my coworkers drive my car and another follow me in another car. I felt so fucking out of it. But as of today there is no damage to my car. The guys in my body shop whipped all the damage right out got my car looking brand new again! I offered them lunch but they didn’t want anything. 

I’ve also been talking to a boy. We’re not dating or anything. I definitely don’t think I’m ready for that. Especially since my dating track record is terrible. He’s nice, sweet, considerate, generous, all the things I’m not used to from my exes. I’ve never had someone concerned about me driving home on E and give me gas money just in case I need it. Or put gas in my car and buy me smokes, and dinner, just cause. I’m not a real big fan of getting gussied up and going out to dinner. (Okay, every once in a while, but not at first. I like getting comfy with someone first) We were chillin at my house and he was hungry but I didn’t want pizza, all I wanted was cheese bread. I told him I would pay for it myself because he wasn’t going to eat it. He insisted. I thought it was very cute. 

I also decided he could give me a tattoo. It’s a Taurus symbol. I’m going to get it shaded pink and get Taurus written under it. But I was feeling pretty ballsy. It hurt at first but as soon as I could see where he was going with the needle I was fine. I’m supposed to hang out with him when I get out of here. I have been staying out past my bedtime so much lately. Breaking my patterns. I think this is how normal people live. 
Anyway, my weekend plans look like this. I have to work 9-3 on Saturday. I have to stop at home for a minute after work to let the dog out since no one will be home. Then I’m going to stop over at my boos house and hang out with her. I want to take her to 5 below and find some cutie stuff for her new house. She’s moving next week! I’m so excited! I want to help make her new house look so cute! Yay! 

I have an hour and a half left. I think once I have an hour left I’ll go smoke a cig. There is no one else here to answer the phone. It hasn’t rang but I know the second I step away it will. Anyway, I thought I owed you all a post since its been a couple days. 

Oh can’t believe I forgot to tell you this. This past weekend I did acid and mushrooms. I didn’t feel them too much much I did trip a little. Definitely not as much as my friend (jealous) but I love tripping!

That’s all for now! ✌🏻️

Blahhh

My dog decided to jump on my bed at 4:00 this morning. She thought it was time to wake up and play. This is not what I wanted when I have a 10 hour work day ahead of me. Oh Maizy, you’re so crazy. 

Nothing really new has been going on with me. I decided to meet a guy off a dating site. He was nice, but I don’t think it’s going to work out. We might hang out this weekend, I’m not sure. This weekend my dad is going out of town so I’ll have the house to myself. Thank god. Sometimes it’s just so nice to be home alone. 

I need to start working on saving my money. After my dad blowing up at me yesterday like I’m 12 years old again, I’ve realized I need to get a game plan in order so I can move out. I can’t stand living here anymore and unless I start planning and saving, it’s not going to happen. I need to start making more money. 

I wish I still had my old place. Even with all the shitty things I had to deal with, at least I had my own place. Somewhere I could go and do whatever I wanted. However, thats how I fell off track and got into drugs pretty badly. Maybe I’m not ready to live on my own again. I don’t have much impulse control. 

I have been really responsible about making sure I take my Meds again. I’ve been staying on a pretty regular schedule as far as sleep goes. Except for today because my dog woke me up. That little stinker.

Also, at work yesterday we were doing our fall schedule. I got suckered into working every Saturday and having Friday’s off. I’m indifferent about it right now. I know it’ll be fine for a while but I’m not sure how much I’ll like it later. I told them I want at least 1 Saturday off a month. That’s the deal. My coworker was so happy I decided to do it so he didn’t have to. I feel like it’s whatever. I’ll do it until I don’t want to anymore. Saturday’s are a pretty easy day. I get to take all the leads, all the phone calls. Plus my boss isn’t there. Also, FREE FOOD. 

Plus I only work with one other person and they leave an hour before I do. My last hour of work I usually just watch Netflix. That’s what I did yesterday too. Since it was the last day of the month, no one called, they all just came in. If you’re in the market for a new vehicle, the closer to the end of the month the better. I call people with incentives and as the year goes on, the incentives get better and better as well. Just a handy tip! 

Ahhh im so hungry and I’m broke as a joke. The only thing I can afford today is a pack of smokes and a Gatorade. I’ve actually cut back on pop and only drink diet Gatorade now. My Meds usually make me super thirsty so I need to make sure I have something tasty to drink at all times. Plus, pop goes warm and doesn’t taste good. I can have a Gatorade on my desk all day and it still tastes just as good. 

Anyway, I think I’m going to end here. (So cute, Maizy just heard a doorbell on tv and went to the window and is barking. Good guard doggy!) Like I said, nothing too interesting going on with me right now. Have a good almost Friday everyone! 

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween everyone! I survived my first night out being sober in a “wet” environment. It’s not as bad as everyone makes it out to be. Not for me at least, but the temptation isn’t there. I’m not a big drinker. Some of the people I was with were on some stuff, but again, not tempted. I guess it’s because I know and realize how bad my addiction is and I really have no desire to add fuel to its fire. I guess my willpower is strong enough to just be comfortable in my surroundings. The people around me can do whatever they want, get as fucked up as they want, and I can just do me. I’m obviously still going to have just as much fun as everyone else, and I sure as hell did, let me tell you 😉

My day started off pretty casual. I hung out at my friends house for a little bit. I got there maybe around 3ish. Not sure. She left work early because she wasn’t feeling well, but felt okay by the time I got there. I made sure she was in good spirits and still wanted to go out before I got there. She made sure she wanted to go out no matter what. We dicked around for a little bit. We went to Walmart and got our kitty accessories for our costumes, then some food. We smashed then dropped her son off, then met her brother and his friend up at a restaurant near her house. (and my old house)

A little back story, her brother and I have always had this weird, flirtatious thing going on. We don’t necessarily like each other. Only in certain social situations. However the last time we were together I turned him town (this was right before I went to rehab, and I was certainly not in any condition to go home with anyone, so I give myself major props for turning him down, even though I didn’t necessarily want to.) So the last couple of weeks I have been trying to get him to hang out with me, however he’s been a total douche bag. For some reason, his rejection has been hurting my feelings, despite the fact that I know he’s a complete asshole. It still hurts when someone turns you down. ANYWAY, we met up with him and within the first half hour we were already hardcore flirting with each other. (Is this bad considering I broke up with my boyfriend only the day before, and the last time we hooked up I had just broken up with my boyfriend the day before as well? Oh well.) Sometimes it just makes you feel good when you look good, you feel good, you know you’re doing good, and someone’s picking up what you’re putting down, even if they’re an asshole. I guess that makes it even better.

After the group had a few drinks, we went back to my friends house so we could get ready. We then went to a corn maze because we had free tickets. I DID NOT WANT TO GO. Okay, something about being stuck in a giant maze in the dark doesn’t sound fun at ALL. So naturally we got lost. There were SO MANY CIRCLES. I got ready to go out in my dress and everything before the corn maze so I had leggings and my friends boots on. Thank god I did because it was a muddy ass disaster. My friend and I ended up getting separated from the boys. We got super lost and decided to just go back the way we came. (Which ended up being hard as fuck.) We couldn’t take very long anyway because in order to not pay cover at the bar we had to get there before 9. Mission accomplished.

We thought that the bar would be hopping considering it was almost Halloween. It wasn’t. I encouraged my friend to get drunk anyway because of the great drink specials. It seemed to work. No decent guys there either. Total bummer. Maybe next time? I’d post pictures of my friend and I together, but I only post pictures of myself to protect the identities of all my friends.

Here’s a picture of the dress I wore: (It was totally snug the last time I tried it on. It’s so loose now. It’s a Betsey Johnson)

After we let the bar, we decided to go back to my friends house and play a little beer pong were the heavy flirting continued. What can I say? I dressed up as a sex kitten! (not to be confused with a sexy kitten, hehe) It just comes with the territory. Somewhere around 1:00 it was time to leave, however I wasn’t quite ready to go, if you know what I mean…. 😉

I got home somewhere around 2:30 where my dad bitched me out about how my dog kept waking him up and shit. Uhhhh, why don’t you just put her in my room where she sleeps every night? The same place she goes where she doesn’t wake you up? DUHHHH. He’s being a total douche. I’m almost 30 years old and I really don’t have to explain who the fuck I was with. If you really want to know, I can tell you in exact detail WHO I was doing, yes WHO I was doing, not WHAT I was doing, but since I’m your little girl, I’m pretty fucking sure you don’t want to hear that. I know it’s because I’m “fragile’ just coming out of rehab, but dude, I’ve done this before, I know what my limits are. I know what to do and not to do. I got this.

So that’s the tale of last night. I don’t have any plans for today, actual Halloween. I’m pretty tired. I didn’t get to bed until pretty late then my dog woke me up pretty early. I didn’t have any time to buy her a costume, because she’s so big I’d have to order it online. So instead I found my old ladybug costume from circa 2006 and put it on her. She didn’t seem to mind at all.

I’m just going to be rocking out in this tee all day that I bought for Halloween last year (which I am swimming in because it’s so big on me, but it’s all I have!) with my orange and black eyeshadow on. Peace out dudes!

Birthday happiness

I have to say that despite doing not much on my birthday it was swell. It most definitely ended swell too and continued into this morning. (You follow me?)

This is the same person I mentioned a few blogs back that him and I have been super close friends for a couple years. We met under some really fucked up circumstances, and a lot has happened since we initially met. There has always been chemistry between us, but the last night we finally did something about it. It’s like we have been in this super close friend zone for so long that we thought that’s all it might be.

I just feel bad right now because he’s really depressed about a lot of shit in his life. His ex won’t let him see his kid and hasn’t for over a year. He’s still going through the court battle to get ANY visitation with his son. He has a lot of other issues like me too, so I know what it’s like to he stuck inside your head when all this bad shit is happening in your life. It’s makes it almost impossible to get out of bed and do anything. He’s been so upset and mopey all day long and I feel horrible about it, and wish there was something I could do. It just hurts to see your friend be in so much pain and you’re not able to do anything to help them.

He knows I don’t want to put myself out there either because of how my last “relationship” went, and he himself is just in a shitty mindset. All I can so as a person is be there for him. When they say you can’t change people, it most certainly is true. I realized today the same is true with emotions. You can’t change someones emotions, or try and make them feel better when you suffer with mental illness. I feel really bad I’m going to try and cuddle or something.

My friend is coming over in a little bit so I can do her hair for a “date” she’s going on tonight. I say it like that because they’ve been friends forever, but she does like him, and of course I want to make sure she looks hot as hell. My friends always have me doing their hair since i”m just a whiz at it. I should start charging. Oh snap, and it looks like I just made $40 by selling my tablet.

29 on the 29th!

I am officially 29 years old! I’m not sure what time I was born at, but I’m pretty sure 29 years ago I outside of my mother’s womb by this time. I didn’t have anything on my schedule other than to get the estimate on my car. A good friend of mine told me last night he was going to come with me, but he’s been bailing on me lately so I figured he would today too. Anyway, to my surprise he didn’t. I went and picked him up and we went to the dealership. Afterward all I wanted to do was go home and hang out. I didn’t want to spend my entire birthday running around all over town. At this point I started to get a little pissed, but in the spirit of my birthday I just decided to let it go.

Finally we get to my house and I noticed there was a pink present on my door step. I had no clue who could have possibly left it there. I doubt my ex even knows it’s my birthday today. Anyway, I get all excited and come inside with my friend to open it. I go straight for the card first and it’s from him. How sweet is that? He totally had me out running these errands to make sure his friend set up the surprise in time. So I got roses and some hello kitty stuff. How thoughtful.

He’s in a really, really, really bad mood right now because he got some really bad information about his son who he has been trying to see for a year now, and his baby momma is being a bitch about letting him see him. So, I think I’m going to try and cheer him up, as well as thank him in the form of a “movie.” We all know what THAT means. 😉 ❤

Also, thank you to everyone who wished me a Happy Birthday! It means a lot to me! I feel so loved and appreciated, even though this means I’m a little closer to death.