It does get worse

Well just when things couldn’t get any worse, they do. I was on my way this morning to take evil to probation. On the way there I got pulled over for an improper turn. Well, they took evil to jail. I’m still at his house because his family is nice enough to let me stay. But, he told me this is all my fault, I’m a stupid bitch. Then when he called his mom he said that he was going to punch me in the face. Why do I put up with this again? Here’s why.

We can’t help who we love. Good, bsd, troubled, safe, secure, insane, an addict….if we could we would all be in perfect relationships.

This just really upsets me considering I was so close to getting him the help he desperately needs. I’m all he has. So if I give up, it’s like there’s no hope for him anymore.

To top it all off I’m no longer welcome in my friends home I’ve been staying. I won’t answer her messages. She has been going behind my back and talking to my parents to figure out what to do with me. Little does she know I have nowhere to go. Which is why I might be uprooting myself to north Carolina. Fresh start, new atmosphere, my family. I might have convinced my cousin who lives down there to take care of my dog. I can’t live without her.

I’m simply a mess. I create my own disasters, burn bridges, then wonder why I’m all alone. I thought the people who are “ride or die” are there to support you at even the lowest points in your life. I guess that was me putting everyone ahead of myself. Look where it got me? Flat broke out on my ass with not a place or person in sight to go to. Just sit at evils house to see if he gets out of jail.

Broken as fuck

Here’s a pic of one sick patient comforting another. My dog has an ear infection and I broke my tooth today, and fell down the stairs twice the other day. My knees are all cut up and bruised as fuck along with my left elbow. I can’t get in to see a dentist until the morning. Luckily I have weed and some leftover pain medicine and I can barely feel it, but the fact that I still can is crazy because I shouldn’t be in pain right now. Anyway, I’m really falling apart right now because I fell down the stairs too. I’m legit fucked up. I haven’t been taking my medication and I know that hasn’t been helping. My bipolar has been out of control. I know I grind my teeth a lot and I have mini seizures which is why I think my tooth broke. It’s honestly my biggest fear and I’m freaking the fuck out. I want to jump out of my skin. I’m so afraid to look and I haven’t even looked. My friend and good looked at it and said it wasn’t even that bad but I saw the piece in the gum that it broke out in and it looked big but I probably exaggerated. I made good come and stay the night with me because he was already with me when I was at my friends house. They live close by and he took us to the dispensary so it  just so happened that he was with us when this happened. Then her man or just roommate depending on the day made pasta which warms the soul. It was like white cheese macaroni with feta and bacon and tomatoes. So delish. I miss her. I told him I wasn’t going to be a very good patient and not to get offended because he’s sensitive and emotional. Anyway I took some selfies before I broke my tooth and I just ate some pot from the dispensary. This time I had a strawberry giant gummy bear and of course it was all delish.