Fail

Today I was supposed to have a totally productive day and get all this shit done and did I? Nope. My day feels kind of like:

In the meantime I did manage to lose my phone, just another disaster after another I guess with me. I keep on making mistakes left and right that I know will bite me in the ass but, for some reason I just don’t care? I’m not sure. Maybe too much positivity?

(Being the ADHD person that I am, I stepped away from the computer and came back a little bit later which I often do when I write my blogs.) Oh well my phone has been found. It was in the rain ALL DAY. So I freak out thinking out shit another thing I am going to have to pay for right? NOPE. SO FUCKING LUCKY. This $1 case I bought on eBay from some random country in Asia was worth it. Just a flimsy ass piece of plastic. I put stickers on it and rip them off to jazz the case up but you get the point:

Perhaps all that positivity I was just saying might be too much is actually helping. Karma in a good way. Oh so anyway, the shit I was supposed to do today I’m going to do it tomorrow. I stayed out late last night and I shouldn’t have. Especially when it’s the one night I have something to do in the morning, while I don’t have a job and I completely just failed. Oh well, it’s not like these fuckers are getting their money any way. So what if it’s late? I’m paying the mother fucking $35 late fee in escrow, bitch! It’s just buying me time really.

Anyway I was supposed to hang out with an old friend tonight but I totally bailed. Maybe because I haven’t showered or am still wearing my makeup from yesterday and give 0 fucks about today? Part of me is just a little scared to open up this box because I know it’s trouble considering the circumstances under which we met. But I am not like most people. Anyone with a mental illness knows this. We just don’t meet nice people, and fall in love, and everything’s perfect. Or maybe I just haven’t found the right one who understands my craziness? Until then, I seek out crazy.

Saying it, well, typing it, I guess makes it sound like wow, why am I doing this but none of it is ever meant to go anywhere. But he and i have stayed in contact since this incident which happened a couple years ago. Minimal contact, but contact. We haven’t actually seen each other, just spoken to each other online and on the phone. I actually talked to his mom once too, oops. Anyway, I bailed on him today because I know I have to get this shit done in the morning and if I hang out with him, I won’t. I know myself too fucking well. So possibly tomorrow night? We shall see.

I know he really needs some positive influence in his life, and I was once that for him and I hope I still can be. So that’s what I’m hoping we can still have. I see him, and this other guy just making careless mistakes that keep getting them in trouble. I feel bad. It’s like I want to help.

Anyway, my mom was nice enough to say home from work today so I’d have a place to go while they worked on my house. The guy was super cute and I felt totally embarrassed answering the door in my PJ’s which I realized was a see through zebra zip up and I had a hot pink lace sports bra underneath and leggings. I bet he was really happy to see that. I guess I shouldn’t have slept soooooooo late. Oops. He probably thinks I’m a total slut because I have handcuffs on my nightstand. A little child gave them to me at a kids birthday party without me knowing (he put them in my purse) and I found them the next day. This is where I decided they should go. Hey, you never know 😉

(Sidenote: Yes, that is duck tape. I “refinished” them. They look awesome.)

Also, my mom got me these super cute Hello Kitty hair clips. Score!

I think someone is exhausted from playing with Mr. Big today. She literally dragged me up the porch of my mom’s house today because she was so excited. She is so fucking strong it’s redic. I had to jump like 4 stairs in flip flops with this dog on a leash carrying my huge ass purse and my laptop case. Whew! Taking her anywhere is such a task because she gets so excited and she’s so strong. She definitely works us both out!

Okay so tomorrow is Wednesday. I’ll try and get my shit together. *Sigh* I have to babysit tomorrow, I forgot. Shit. Even though my IPhone reminded me like hours ago. I still forgot. And it’s on like 3 calendars. I’m such a space cadet. I need to get off the internet.

Update 11:40 PM:

 

2 posts in 1 night?

I just had to post this. I hardly ever cleanse my Facebook. Mostly because I don’t give 2 fucking shits who sees anything I have to say. But tonight I did a cleanse. I just did a big fat DELETE on so many people. Some I realized already deleted people. So it was like a mutual respect that we don’t like each other. They just beat me to the punch. COOL. Also, it was really just an excuse to post this. (If I’m being TOTALLY honest here.)