Feels good

Day #2 at my new job was a success. We started off reviewing more stuff, and then we did more mock phone calls. I left my computer for a couple minutes to get up and go to the bathroom. By the time I got back everyone was on their headsets, and I assumed they were taking calls. Then one of the managers came down and sat next to me, and said I was ready to go live. I assumed that everyone else was, so I said, “Am I the last one?” He said, “No, you’re the first one.” It turns out I was the only one to take phone calls. I’m pretty sure they can see that there’s something about me that I have that the others don’t.

I don’t have to read the script word for word, it doesn’t take much for me to personalize the call. I think what makes this job a little bit easier versus the last couple jobs is that it is strictly customer service, no selling. In the interview she said to me, “You know this isn’t a sales position, right?” That’s exactly why I applied for the job. Sales is too competitive, and I always take my time with my customers, I give excellent customer service. I might as well take the sales aspect out of it, and just deliver great customer service. (Maybe even BETTER customer service if they let me use this phone to make my daily calls on….)

It feels good to be recognized. To not even try to show off or anything, to just be my normal self, and people notice there’s something different about me from the rest of my peers. That there’s something special about me. I’m used to working in these huge ass corporations where they don’t notice shit. You’re just worker # 59052309253 to them. There’s a constant wave of training classes coming through, and the management, specifically upper management, never take the time to really get to know you or listen to your concerns. At the end of the day, it’s just about numbers and quotas for them.

Here, it’s different. They want to know your input. If there’s something that would help you do your job better, let them know! Someone suggested dual monitors and boom! It was done. If there’s a problem in the scripting that your customers are negatively responding to, take it to your managers, and they will take a look at it. I’m so used to nothing can be changed, this is the way it’s done, so if it doesn’t work it’s probably your fault.

If Cher worked in a big corporation, then yes, this statement is correct.

After I got off work, I met my mom at her work. Me and one of her co-workers who I know and LOVE (who knows that I went to treatment now for a second time) all went out to dinner. My mom is taking one of her dogs in on Saturday and I have to take my dog back so she’s making an appointment for my dog. Then I basically hijacked my mom’s Saturday afternoon. I’ve been dying to go to one of my favorite spots in downtown Ann Arbor called Ragstock. They always have way more in store than they do online. But I’m SUPER obsessed with their leggings, so we are going on Saturday after the vet, then possibly over to Kohl’s because I can wear jeans at this job, the only problem is since I keep losing weight, I have 1 pair that fits me….and they barely fit me. (too big) So I want to hit up Kohl’s for jeans, a black pencil skirt, and I’m looking for brown boots! That’s all I need. Nothing too fancy. I have all the clothes in the world. I might need some basic solid v necks long & short sleeved, but other than that I’m good on clothes. (Says the girl who just got a gigantic bag of clothes from her mom tonight and it’s still in her trunk…whoops!)

I got a letter today from a girl in treatment I went to. I wrote a few letters to a couple girls on the 29th and I got a response today. I am so happy to hear back from her. I think she said she is going to leave. I’ll be here to lean on when she gets out. I love her desperately and I want to make sure she’s doing okay. I wasn’t sure if she decided to stay or to leave. I really do hope she stays because staying as long as you can give you the best odds, but that’s not always the truth. I left after 35 days and I’m doing very well for myself. She said she LOVED all the glitter inside of it and she loved how it smelled. (If you knew me in real life, you would know that I absolutely love sending real mail through the US postal service, and I make sure all my envelopes are scented!) So she might be out already, I’m not sure. I hope she is doing well and I miss her all VERY much!

I also seemed to have gotten myself into my friends CPS case a lot more than I thought I was going to. Both of the fathers came come to me, and now my friends parents have also come to me. Everyone is looking to me because they know I’m the one that has all of the answers. I have most of her secrets, and I have to expose them before it’s too late. So I made what I felt was the right decision. I called her CPS caseworker, and her supervisor. They both were unavailable. I told them who I was and what I was calling about. I told them I work from 10-4 tomorrow but it’s very important that we speak. I’ve known her for the last 25 years and recently just moved out of her residence. I can give you nothing but the facts. Please contact me. Yes, this might hurt her, but her feelings aren’t any concern of mine anymore. It’s about getting those innocent children, that I love with all of my heart, away from their sick, delusional, drug addicted mother. One that’s in too much denial.

4/20!

Well today is a magical day for stoners. It’s our holiday! Not like we don’t celebrate it everyday or anything. But today we get to dedicate our entire day to the fact that we love to smoke pot. We’re entitled to that. Shit, we celebrate George Washington & Abe Lincoln’s birthdays, we should celebrate this too!

I’m dressed for the occasion as you can see.

I am going to take this opportunity and post to talk about why weed is great and how it has helped me with my mental illness. I know it’s still technically considered a “drug” but that’s something the government wants us to believe. Some people just have a problem with it because it’s illegal, and don’t even consider the benefits. It’s fucking SCIENCE. I don’t give a shit what the fucking law says, it truly has helped me.

I know that I’ll probably be on medication for my mental illnesses for the rest of my life. Harsh chemicals in my body for the rest of my life can’t really be healthy. I choose to smoke weed because while yes, it still is smoking, it’s fucking natural bro. You can’t tell me that a plant is harmful to my heath. You can’t tell me that something natural is way better than something man made out of poison. You can’t tell me that despite it being illegal, it doesn’t help me.

When I smoke, I get relaxed. I laugh, I say stupid shit, other people laugh. I get hungry. I get lazy sometimes. But there’s never been a single time in my life where I’ve been so high off pot that it has destroyed something, ruined my life, injured someone, or anything NEGATIVE. It’s not addictive. It’s fun, and it makes me feel free. I DON’T SEE ANY SERIOUS PROBLEMS HERE. Have you ever read how many side effects are on one medication? I’m on like 6 different medications. How can this be good? You know what side effect should come with every bag of weed you buy? Warning: May cause extreme happiness and hunger. Order tacos before use, and get on the internet machine and Google image search unicorns for instant LOLz.

I know I’m not a fucking doctor, and I haven’t done all the research. But I’ve researched and experimented enough to know that there’s nothing harmful, dangerous, bad, or negative about smoking weed, other than the negative stigma our government has given it by making it illegal.

It pisses me off that pot is illegal. For example there is a local ordinance in Ann Arbor that allows you to just get a ticket for possession of weed instead of going to jail. However, there are also state cops that have more authority who will patrol the same areas as the local police just looking to bust people for small time marijuana charges because it’s an easy bust. Seems like a total waste and allocation of government resources, doesn’t it? THAT’S BECAUSE IT IS. There are so many people in jail right now for small time marijuana charges, and REAL criminals are out on the streets. You couldn’t possibly spin this to make it right because it’s wrong. SO WRONG.

I am happy that Michigan does support medical marijuana. When this was being proposed into office I was in a lot of political groups at the time to help raise awareness to voters on why they should pass it. I’d like to think it was my way of giving back to my community as a stoner. All of our hard work that year paid off because Michigan passed the bill! I am fully qualified to get my medical marijuana card, it just comes down to the fact I don’t have money right now. It’s something my doctor and I discuss, because I have always been open & honest with my doctor about my pot use. I think it’s important for him to know I use it because it will directly effect how he medically treats me. He can’t prescribe it himself, but he has given me all the necessary paperwork and list of physicians who can help.

Also, here’s some fucking food for thought…. (literally)

Yeah, suck on those nuts!!!

Thank you all for reading my stoned rant/blog today. Maybe you learned something, maybe you didn’t. Perhaps you agree, or disagree. It’s even possible that you’re so fucking high right now you can’t even comprehend what I’m saying at all, and the words are floating off your computer screen. (If you are, message me, I want your dealers #….) But in honor of today I felt as though it was important to blog about it. Smoke on friends. One love. ❤

4/20 UPDATE 10:08 PM EST:

The day has been great. I managed to get out of my house and pick up some 4/20 supplies at a super good deal. Some of the swag included this:

Pure medical grade buddy. I don’t fuck around.

200 MG of pot per cookie. STRONG AS FUCK. I got 2. Shared half now I’m going balls deep on this one. My friend also picked up a pipe to smoke wax out of that looks like Master Shake from Aqua Teen Hunger force, and it’s totally rad, and gets you superrrrr weird.

THEN as I was pulling up I decided to check my mail, and guess what arrived? A check for $198.10 to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don’t even work there anymore and they’re still paying me and sending me checks, paying my unemployment, and I have free state insurance. Well I’d say getting fired has really done a lot of good for me! You are qualified for all these free programs! And bitches be paying you like what upp!!! Yay for 4/20 and it almost being my birthday. I changed my wallpaper today on my iPhone! YAYYYYY!

An interesting article I found about. Michigan Voters Could Legalize Recreational Marijuana Use In 2016 Election

Fun video to awesome song and a bunch of shit I wish I could do. ENJOY MOTHA FUCKERS!

Off to a good start. I think it’s my wardrobe

I had my third interview today. I dazzle them with my personality. I was surprised they quizzed me on shit they talked to me about during my second interview which was going out in the field and doing a product launch. There is a lot of growth in the company. Although to learn the position Id ultimately be getting Id have to start at the bottom doing product launches which would require me to do driving to a bunch of different cities. Compensation for gas.

But I’m feeling great and it has to do with my amazing professional wardrobe. I have in this pink and reddish wrap dress with a feather print, bling now necklace, jet black tights and my Herman Munster shoes. I’m in the parking lot of the Michigan works office waiting for a call back so I’ll take some half ass pics. Oh and this pink satin coat is amazing. So many compliments.

Coat (it’s full length)

 

Pattern of the dress. I’ll try and update later with a selfie cause it’s worth it.

 

Herman Munster shoes. My mom says they look like the ones he wears on the show. I googled it before when she told me and she’s right. I’m not on wifi so this is taking forever so you can google that yourself.

Then here’s me with my cutie necklace and new aviators! I’m pissed about my hair though, it could be better

More clothing update!!!!!!!!!! 6:32 PM

Now I am out of my interview clothes because:

1. Why would I continue to look super cute when everyone has plans tonight except for me, so there’s ZERO point in looking cute or dressing up.

2. The porch was wet because it rained today and I fell in my heels RIGHT as I got home.

3. Leisure mode. See picture for reference:

 

Let me just add this in there that NOT having a job is actually more work then having one. You have to run around to all these places and constantly interview and whore yourself out there. Stay in touch with old business contacts and schmooze with them to get a hook up or two there. Not only that, but you have to go to the unemployment office and basically get a fucking stamp. Also, I have a social worker who I had to drive on the OTHER side of town (yeah, did I mention all the places I’ve been going to are not local) to help me file my paperwork for Medicaid, food and cash assistance. I mostly care about Medicaid so I can get my meds filled. The food would be nice too. As far as cash, ehhhh wellllll uhhhh yeah of course that’d be nice but I’ve got some side things lined up right now so I know my job is going to dick around with me on unemployment so I’m just going to be a dick back. I think I’ll be cool.

 

What an amazing feeling

My mom took me shopping last night because dress pants I have, (in every color too) and most of my blazers all don’t fit me. It wasn’t too long ago we bought a lot of this stuff because nothing else fit because I had gained too much weight. Anyway, I didn’t want to brag because really this post is really like my online journal. There were a few problems with my real journals. 1, I had a hand injury from a car accident so writing hurts like a bitch and 2, I hardly ever go back and read what I write (just basic proof reading) but if I I put it out there on the internet world with other bloggers using tags and other shit, then it can help someone. There’s other like us. SO ANYWAY. /rant hehe

I got a pair of some killer black pants and the same ones in grey, or is it gray, Whatever. Then I got this smashing blazer with that’s a 3/4 sleeve, but the button was missing. The button wouldn’t have fit over my big ass boobs anyway, but I got 50% off on it. Let’s see, I also got a basic black pencil skirt which is pretty nice cause you can day it from day wear to night wear (it’s stretchy so if you just pulled it up to make it super short and slutty it would stay.) My mom also insisted I get this black and grey leopard dress. I thought it was ugly as hell but once I tried it on it was totally cute. It’s a wrap dress too. (I should be taking pictures but I am also applying for jobs. SUE ME)

THEN they had some summer dresses they had pulled out, marked down, and ticketed limited quantity. So to my surprise I fit into a much smaller size (the only one available too) and I can’t even begin to tell you how good that felt. I didn’t even know what pants size to pick out. I started a size under what I thought and just kept going down. I have been SO SELF CONSCIOUS of my body and the weight gain that this stupid bipolar medication did to me. It like killed my spirit, because who wants to be happy when they’re over weight, they really can’t control it, they want to hide all the time, and they KNOW IT’S ALL ANYONE EVER SAYS WHEN THEIR NAME COMES UP. Come on, I’m shallow and I’ve done it, don’t say you haven’t too, because you’re either lying or you’re this guy:

It feels good to be a clothes whore again, even though I am flat fucking broke without a job. LOTS OF JOB PROSPECTS. But still, I can look at something and think I can’t buy that because I can’t wear it because you can’t wear shit like that anymore because you’re bipolar and the meds they have you on made you gain so much weight. UGH. I have been researching getting more involved with mental illness awareness because there is SUCH a stigma involved with it.

After being diagnosed as bipolar, my doctor just kept increasing my meds, just more, and more, and more, and more. Never asked how I was doing or anything. She ultimately made me WORSE. Put me into a BIGGER depression. Yeah I took the meds, but you just kept giving me more, and that’s not what I needed.

The circumstances that lead me to my doctor now are pretty fucked up and I really don’t think I want to talk about that on here but what he isn’t is a pill pusher. I feel like every doctor in the private mental health world is a pill pusher. And hey, I know how it works too. I worked in a medical office for 3 years, I know about the deals they make with the drug companies, and how they wine & dine them to push their drugs. I use to schedule the appointments with the drug reps to meet with the doctors. They had to get through ME. So they used to butter me up. So it’s all bull shit in the private practice, which is why I’m glad I ended up on the state level.

My ADHD is kicking into OVERLOAD right now. I’ve done 2398508 things today already and still have more to come. My post originally was just about how proud I am of myself for overcoming the depression I had over everything, and then over the weight gain and found a way to be strong and do something about it. Because for SO LONG I talked about doing something about it. I would even make the effort for a couple of weeks to do something about it, but then give up hope. Not that I didn’t care, but I can’t explain it. I guess other people who struggle with mental illness can maybe understand that emptiness inside?

I can’t say I wasn’t somewhat motivated because I’ve always had a job. The longest I haven’t had a job was 4 months and there was a lot of fuccccccccckkkkkkkkkeeeeeeeedddddddddd up shit that happened then so I needed like a mental break. But as soon as I made a call to an old pal, I got an interview for the job I just got fired from.

So the medication and my old doctor was definitely disabling me from moving forward for uhhhhhhh 4 years, almost 5. My doctor said I have a CLEAR malpractice suit, but for what? Still ADHD is kicking in.

Oh yeah, so I lost weight, and I’m really happy for the summer. I did manage to take 2 pics last night of these dresses. On sale! Limited quantities. I know we were looking for business gear but uhhhhhhh, what can I say we’re shopaholics.

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤