Deep conversation

Okay so I am a little tipsy/dazed, but I just had a really good, honest deep conversation about life with a old friend from the past who I recently got back in touch with. I wasn’t expecting that, but damn, don’t deep conversations just rock your world sometimes? I feel like it just did with me. I was very influential in this person’s life even though I have been out of it for a while. But we did meet each other under very weird circumstances in a place where you’re vulnerable as fuck. When someone sees that side of you, the side that is raw and real, you just kind of click. We’re able to talk about everything together. Things that haven’t come up in a long ass time. I don’t know, it’s almost like another form of therapy for me. I just got off the phone and wanted to blog about this feeling. Being open to someone, but not feeling vulnerable and judged, but there was once this like unspoken things between us. I don’t feel like I’m going to get hurt because there’s no pressure, and right now we’re just there for each other. It’s weird. I don’t really know what’s happening. I am going to be super careful though. I will not go out of my way for shit. That’s all I’m saying, and not to say it’s even going there, but still. If something were to happen, that’s a huge danger zone so I can’t even get think like that. Just one step, and friendship is all that this is right now. Okay, off the internet machine. I’m watching this in hopes of passing out, despite not being tired. I’m wired as fuck, in a manic state with my bipolar.

Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit

 

Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit…Specifically your bullshit. I just want to be free of your bullshit and lies. I can’t be blinded anymore. I can’t be pushed aside anymore. I’m done with games. I’m over everything. I am taking action. I gave warning. That’s all I’m going to say. I want to be done. This is over. It can’t officially be over because technically I am involved as long as you are legally, but that’s it. I just need to figure everything out and get my ducks in a row and that’s it. Paperwork. Just paperwork.

In order to have complete control over my life, and that involves positivity, complete focus on my life, that means letting go of this chapter. I mean I knew that already with some of the decisions I have made recently but whatever. This is it. This is goodbye.

But I am in my happy place now, and that is where I shall remain. Optimistic and hopeful. I will rely on my strengths and I will push through this and remain strong. I will hopefully find a job soon and figure something out because I did have to end up paying my landlord. He didn’t want me to do the escrow thing, which is fine. It was just protection anyway, so I just paid it. Fuck it. Now I have to figure out my other bills, and fast. I’m scrambling. I don’t really want to think about that right now because it puts me into a deep place. Okay, focus.

I’m jamming out right now. I love the Pandora House station so fucking much, and this song. (click screenshots to make larger)

I’m sure I’ll have something more to post later so watch back for an update later…

Shit, I love this song too.

This song is perfect. It’s going to be my new ringtone. Things can only get better. I suggest you youtube it.

Music is so uplifting. I love seriously all types of music, but I love the house station on Pandora specifically because it’s like an instant party. It always puts me in a good mood. I would listen to it all the time at work during these bullshit calls and I would feel like I’m in a rave or something. Told you I would keep posting. 😉

Update 10:48 PM: