Long day

Today is my long day at work. However I traded my long shift (Thursday’s) for Monday. You see, I usually work 10-8 on Thursday and have Friday off. But that doesn’t leave much time to do anything Thursday night. So this is my last late Thursday. I came in at noon today since I’ll be working late Monday and its in the same paycheck and they’re crazy about overtime. So I got a little late start today! It was so refreshing after having some low energy last couple of days. 

So Tuesday after the holiday I was going to work and someone hit me. She got out of her car just to tell me she didn’t have insurance and drove away. I was pretty upset and by the time I arrived at work I was shaking. I couldn’t even punch in my password to the system.  My coworker saw me and she’s like you need to leave. She had one of my coworkers drive my car and another follow me in another car. I felt so fucking out of it. But as of today there is no damage to my car. The guys in my body shop whipped all the damage right out got my car looking brand new again! I offered them lunch but they didn’t want anything. 

I’ve also been talking to a boy. We’re not dating or anything. I definitely don’t think I’m ready for that. Especially since my dating track record is terrible. He’s nice, sweet, considerate, generous, all the things I’m not used to from my exes. I’ve never had someone concerned about me driving home on E and give me gas money just in case I need it. Or put gas in my car and buy me smokes, and dinner, just cause. I’m not a real big fan of getting gussied up and going out to dinner. (Okay, every once in a while, but not at first. I like getting comfy with someone first) We were chillin at my house and he was hungry but I didn’t want pizza, all I wanted was cheese bread. I told him I would pay for it myself because he wasn’t going to eat it. He insisted. I thought it was very cute. 

I also decided he could give me a tattoo. It’s a Taurus symbol. I’m going to get it shaded pink and get Taurus written under it. But I was feeling pretty ballsy. It hurt at first but as soon as I could see where he was going with the needle I was fine. I’m supposed to hang out with him when I get out of here. I have been staying out past my bedtime so much lately. Breaking my patterns. I think this is how normal people live. 
Anyway, my weekend plans look like this. I have to work 9-3 on Saturday. I have to stop at home for a minute after work to let the dog out since no one will be home. Then I’m going to stop over at my boos house and hang out with her. I want to take her to 5 below and find some cutie stuff for her new house. She’s moving next week! I’m so excited! I want to help make her new house look so cute! Yay! 

I have an hour and a half left. I think once I have an hour left I’ll go smoke a cig. There is no one else here to answer the phone. It hasn’t rang but I know the second I step away it will. Anyway, I thought I owed you all a post since its been a couple days. 

Oh can’t believe I forgot to tell you this. This past weekend I did acid and mushrooms. I didn’t feel them too much much I did trip a little. Definitely not as much as my friend (jealous) but I love tripping!

That’s all for now! ✌🏻️

Today wrap up

I was sure if I should make a new post or update the other one. But I don’t think the email subscribers would be notified if I didn’t make a new post.

 I got all my things accomplished today. I woke up, had my morning chill time as I already posted about. I felt pretty high and hungry by the time I got to work. I had to meet my mother down the street to pick it up, and she didn’t have it secured in a bag or anything. I was super nervous to drive with it. 

But I made it to work successfully! Everyone raved about it, much like last time. Here’s the final product.

I had some mac & cheese, walleye, chicken, potatoes, green beans, and 2 pieces of my moms cheesecake. Everyone wants her to make some for different events. I really wish I knew how to cook. I do make really really cute cupcakes. I buy the cutest mix and frosting, then experiment with food coloring and make them pink and purple. Or sometimes red and green for Christmas. I need to start doing more of that. All these posts come up on my Facebook about my old tie dying business. For what little resources I had at the time, I did a pretty good job at networking and getting my stuff all over the world! (Yes, WORLD) I know I’m capable of great success. I was just in a really bad place last year and I’m glad I found a job I love. (I feel like I say that all the time) 

But when you have such a huge past, it’s hard to return to normal life. Like fitting in at a job, actually having the drive to go to work, and perform. When something is up to me how much extra money I make on commission, I grind hard. 

Speaking of commission, they might roll out something new. If you have a personal best that month, you get an extra 10% bonus. Also, if the team as a whole improves, you get another 10%. I hope this happens. I get at the first of the following month, but since they won’t have final numbers in time for our payday on the 2nd, we have to wait until the 9th. I’m a little bummed about this. It was a really slow month for us in our department. For example, last month I had 17 cars and thus month I think i only have like 11-12. A lot can happen the last few days of the month though. Those salesman work really hard (and late) to hit better numbers for the month. They’re also having a contest with if we sell enough of 2 different cars as a whole, everyone who sold those cars gets a bonus. Lots of opportunities to make money. That’s what I like. I could see myself being here for a while, and hopefully eventually moving up in the company. I feel like I’m on the right track and the possibilies are endless. 

It’s hard living with many mental disorders. People who live with them know what it’s like. Sometimes we just don’t feel “normal”. I have to take medication multiple times a day in order to do anything, or to be able to fall asleep. I hate it. I have these little rituals I have to do everyday in order to either worry about how much sleep I’m going to get in a night, and I have to take my Meds by a certain time, so I can’t go out when I have to work in the morning because it messes with my routine. It’s so stupid. Then in the morning I feel like I have to be awake like hanging out for a while so I can chill for a bit  while my morning Meds kick in.

I specifically don’t take my adderall everyday because some days I don’t feel like doing anything. However, I feel like I’d be a hell of a lot more motivated to get things together. Like I usually don’t take it Sunday’s. Even though I don’t usually leave the house, I should still be around the house doing things like laundry, or cleaning out my room. But instead I lay in bed all day and veg out on tv. I know that can’t be good. Like I can only get out of bed and do shit when I have it in me? It freaks me out that it has that much control over me. Although I wish I was naturally motivated and had big life goals I’m trying to accomplish. But I just settle with living in the now and staying away from drugs. 

I’m on a good path, I am excited what the future holds. That’s the first time I’ve honestly said that in a while. I truly think next year is going to be a great one for me. I just want to set some minor goals and work toward them. Like id like to be moved out. I’m barely affording shit right now. I could cut back, I know. But I’m not motivated to move just yet. I’ve been back almost a year. (October will be a year since I got out of rehab and moved back home) it worries me that if I live alone,’I’ll be left to my own vices again and it could go horribly wrong. It already did once, and there hasn’t been enough time to not go back to those behaviors. 

Also, happy national dog to my sweet rescue dog Maizy!

This is her at my friends house. I just finished get appointment when my friend called this afternoon. I was out in her neck of the woods so I popped over with the pooch. Her son loves my dog so it was really cute to see him and get together. I got my pups nails trimmed, she got her Meds for fleas, heart worm, ring worm, and hook worm. These sound disgusting which is why I want to prevent her from it. She got vaccinated today too. 

Last year she only got a 1 year rabies vaccine, however this year she got one that’s good for 3 years. She still has to get another shot in a couple more weeks. I had to spread them up because today’s visit already cost me $81. If I added the other thing on it would’ve been well over $100, easily. So I declined. They told me in January she’s due for a teeth cleaning. They take her for the whole day and she has to be knocked out. I think she’d act really silly all high on Meds. She loves pot. One bad thing (among so many others) about being a (former) pill popper is that you frequently drop your shit on the ground. Maizy luckily doesn’t like pills. She will eat just about anything. She did eat her pill tonight right after she ate her dinner. (Or else she’ll get sick) 

I think I’m in for the night. I was supposed to clean my car out, but it’s right around the time I start my nighttime rituals that it might have to wait. I have to get up fairly early tomorrow because I decided to pick up a shift. Since I like my morning chill time, I have to wake up even earlier. I don’t have to start getting ready till 7:30, howver my alarm is set for 6:04. I’m just weird like that. Do any of you have any morning or evening rituals? Things you have to do before you go to bed or get started with your day? Or am I just weird and all alone on this? 

Alright yall, I have to find something to wear to work tomorrow and probably move my car. 

To idles ✌🏻️

It’s almost September!!

Where has the summer gone? I’m glad I got a job in mid June so that I didn’t have to sit around all summer. However it would’ve been nice to be unemployed and laying out in the pool all day. 

I was going back reading some of my old posts from last summer. It’s like I remember everything. Although I was constantly on drugs, my life was a mess, my love life was a mess. I’m glad I have simplicity in my life right now. I have work, friends, family. That’s all I need right now. Oh and of course my dog! 

Yes! I still have my dog. She adjusted very well last fall to her new home. She loves having a back yard to play in! It was very hard to leave her for a month when I went a away last year. Everyone in rehab had pics of their kids and I had some of “my baby” AKA my giant dog. I’ve found so much comfort in her. It’s impossible to have a bad day when you have someone that looks at you and loves on you. I had a bad day yesterday and when I came home to see her sweet face, I left all the bullshit at the door. 

Such a lady. 

Some other good news! My sisters wedding is just a little over a month away. She’s getting married October 8. They’re flying in from Arizona and getting married in Michigan. There will be a lot of out of towners coming in. I am of course the maid of honor. My sister wrote me in rehab and said she was very close to kicking me out of her wedding because I was on drugs. When they came in town, I was busy babysitting evil that I didn’t even spend any time with her. So she was really disappointed in me. 

I’m glad she didn’t have to do that because I’m really looking forward to being her maid of honor. I’ve never been in a wedding before, let alone someone’s maid of honor. They did a bachelorette party in Vegas in which I did not attend. I know my sis just wanted to have a good time and not worry if I was comfortable or not. So I decided to opt out. But boy do I miss Vegas. Plus I wouldn’t want to go with my sis anyway. The only way I’d go back is with some of my good girlfriends. 

Everything at my job is going well. It’s been a slow sales month, so I’m nowhere near the number of cars I sold last month. People just aren’t buying. I have a lot of follow ups in the next couple of months. As I mentioned I had a bad day yesterday. I didn’t have any leads (no one new to call) and I was getting upset with my boss for calling me out on it. He kept saying you really called all those people? Like do you think in lying? Then my boss added me on Facebook. Still trying to decide if this was a good or bad idea. 

He’s pretty cool, a couple years younger than I am. He tries to act like a bad ass at work and give me a hard time. However he does tell me what a great job I do pretty frequently and I like hearing it. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt passionate about work. My last couple of jobs were POINTLESS. So I started making up excuses and missing work frequently. With this job I don’t do that. I leave early sometimes (with permission) when my family has been in town and stuff. 

Now as far as my addiction goes, I would be lying if I said I was 100% clean. I still smoke pot, which I didn’t at first. But it’s not harming me. It’s helping me. Whenever I get stressed or anxious, I smoke. That’s way better than snorting a bunch of pills. I still take pills every once in a while. Lately I haven’t been able to tolerate them and they make me sick. So I’ve chilled out on them. But I figure if I do shit every once in a while, know my limits, and tell my friends what I’m doing so they can keep tabs on me, then I see nothing wrong. I’ve changed A LOT. I know once an addict, always an addict. But I believe a lot of my addict behavior comes out when I don’t take my bipolar Meds and I start doing reckless thing and behaviors. 

I’m really stable on my Meds now. I make sure to take them everyday. I was put back on adderall a few months ago. It really makes a difference. Sometimes I just can’t get out of bed in the morning, or be motivated to do any work. It helps me stay on task at work for the most part. I mean my first full month I had a huge sales month so it’s safe to say I’m very productive. This versus the old me who wouldn’t even get out of bed for a job interview. I got calls all the time but I never went. It’s like I knew they wouldn’t be the right job for me. If I don’t like something in doing I’m definitely not going to take it, or even try. 

I feel like I’m in the right position for me. I’m such a sales whiz. My brother in law always says I could sell a coloring book to Stevie wonder. 

Also I’d like to give some kudos to my bestie. She is making a great move next weekend into her own house. I am very proud of her and all her accomplishments. I know it’ll be tight with money, but I’m always down to hang out at someone’s house versus going out. She has come very far since I’ve known her. Lived in a couple different places, but I know this is something she has been searching for fo a long time and I’m very proud of her. Also, I’d like to add I’m not posting this because she reads it. I’m posting this because my blog reflects what I’m thinking and feeling. I haven’t gotten much of a chance to tell her how I feel in this sense. IM VERY PROUD OF YOU MOMMA!!! GET YOUR HAPPINESS ON! I’m going to help her move next weekend, and although I’m a weakling that can’t lift much, I’ll help as much as I can. I think that’s really all that matters is that I’m there for support and help. Moving is stressful. I should know because I’ve done it a couple of times in the last few years. The last thing I want is for it to be super overwhelming. I’ll be there to destress her. 

My other bestie is going through a rough time right now. She recently sold her house and all her belongings in an effort to start over. She was staying with her parents who made things very hard for her. However she’s back there now. I worry about her because her parents will fly off the handle at any second and start picking on her for the smallest shit. 

I’m glad I somewhat have my shit together so I can be a good supportive friend. My friends have been with me through some of my hardest times. All i can do is be there for them right now and show them my worth as a friend. It feels good to not have my head all foggy with drugs. Also, not to miss out on things just because I was high. I couldn’t even tell you the reason I missed my best friends birthday last year. No clue. I’m sure she does, but I was absent for something really important. I’m trying to be accountable for things now. Show up when I’m supposed to, do what I’m supposed to, and in general just bring reliable. I haven’t been reliable in a long ass time. 

Also, I have a court date for tomorrow morning. I made an improper turn and got a ticket. So I’m taking it to court to see if I can get the points reduced. I’m super fucking nervous. I had to do this in the fall and they ended up calling me in a small room to offer me a plea, which I paid off the same day. I know what I did was wrong, and I’m not saying I didn’t do it. All I’m asking for is to have the points reduced. I’ll even pay more money! The money is not the issue. I mean it is, but I have a job so I’ll be able to pay it. But my insurance is already super high because of an accident I had 2 years ago. That’s not coming off my record until next year. I knew as soon as I made the turn I was going to get in trouble. Of course I did. I need some positive vibes!

Well I have about a half hour till I have to get ready for work. Think I’ll just watch some tv until I have to actually do it. Thank you all for reading! Thanks for sticking around during my hiatus. I hope to be posting a lot more. Happy hump day!! Hope everyone is having a good week! Till we meet again! Xoxo

ReunionS

Yesterday was full of reunions for me! In the morning I woke up early and got ready, then ventured out to pick up a couple girls I went to treatment with. The treatment center occasionally has conferences, and they were having one yesterday so we all rallied together and decided to go. I had to drive across multiple downs to get the girls, then all the way to downtown Detroit for the conference, but I didn’t mind! It was for the best. It was good to go back there and not actually be locked up. We got some pictures together! Had a blast. A little disappointed a couple of my other girls couldn’t go because of work, but at least they’re working!

There were a couple of girls who are back in the program due to relapse. It’s always sad to see, but at least they found their way back. They could’ve chosen not to come back, however they came back. The girls I went with both won turkeys in a raffle. I won this:

I cheated a little bit because the lady who used to be the head monitor told me to sit in the chair next to where I was sitting because it had the piece of paper under it. So, just like when I was in treatment, I followed her orders! (Also take note of my beautiful new sparkle Kate Spade bag. GORGEOUS!)

Then afterward I came home to feed my dog, let her out, then I went out again. This is where the second reunion came into place. I hung out with my ex boyfriend. The one who I haven’t seen since March, after he went to jail for crashing my car. We lived together for a while. We just ended up talking for about 4 hours which was kind of nice. I wanted to press him for a lot of unanswered questions I’ve had all this time, but I didn’t want to push him too hard so I refrained. Hopefully this will turn into a friendship and I’ll have time to get my answers. He did mention that after he went to jail and decided to move out and stop talking to me was because he just doesn’t know how to deal with shit. He still doesn’t. He was saying how he doesn’t know how to be “normal” because he will be 26 next month, and he has 6 felonies and 30 misdemeanors. He’s trying really hard to get his life back together, he’s just not sure how.

So, that’s that. My double reunion Saturday! Then once I got home I played with my pretty pup in the snow. Then again this morning. She fucking LOVES the snow. That’s pretty much the only joy I get out of winter, is watching her play in the snow. I snapped this cute pic after she went buck wild playing in it.

Also, another thing that happened yesterday is that my ex (good) has proven to me that good guys really don’t exist. Especially after you break up with them. They get mean. He pretty much told me I’m a whore, all my friends told him the night we met that I was a whore, and that he didn’t care because he just wanted to “hit it and quit it.” Which, I know isn’t true because he didn’t leave my fucking house for 4 days. Then he went on to say that he has “fucked pillows that were tighter than me.” I wanted to respond with, “YOU FUCK PILLOWS? WEIRDOOOO!!!!” But I refrained. I just proceeded to let him know I fucked someone else the day after we broke up. He then told me some girl was coming over last night to fuck him. I said great, I’m getting it in too. (Wasn’t true, but he didn’t need to know that!) This is coming from a really hateful place in his heart because I broke it. The thing is, normally I would care, but I just don’t. When you say mean things to me only to hurt my feelings, I usually just agree with them. “Oh yep, I’m a big whore! Whatever helps you sleep at night!” (That was one of my responses) It typically makes them even madder.

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween everyone! I survived my first night out being sober in a “wet” environment. It’s not as bad as everyone makes it out to be. Not for me at least, but the temptation isn’t there. I’m not a big drinker. Some of the people I was with were on some stuff, but again, not tempted. I guess it’s because I know and realize how bad my addiction is and I really have no desire to add fuel to its fire. I guess my willpower is strong enough to just be comfortable in my surroundings. The people around me can do whatever they want, get as fucked up as they want, and I can just do me. I’m obviously still going to have just as much fun as everyone else, and I sure as hell did, let me tell you 😉

My day started off pretty casual. I hung out at my friends house for a little bit. I got there maybe around 3ish. Not sure. She left work early because she wasn’t feeling well, but felt okay by the time I got there. I made sure she was in good spirits and still wanted to go out before I got there. She made sure she wanted to go out no matter what. We dicked around for a little bit. We went to Walmart and got our kitty accessories for our costumes, then some food. We smashed then dropped her son off, then met her brother and his friend up at a restaurant near her house. (and my old house)

A little back story, her brother and I have always had this weird, flirtatious thing going on. We don’t necessarily like each other. Only in certain social situations. However the last time we were together I turned him town (this was right before I went to rehab, and I was certainly not in any condition to go home with anyone, so I give myself major props for turning him down, even though I didn’t necessarily want to.) So the last couple of weeks I have been trying to get him to hang out with me, however he’s been a total douche bag. For some reason, his rejection has been hurting my feelings, despite the fact that I know he’s a complete asshole. It still hurts when someone turns you down. ANYWAY, we met up with him and within the first half hour we were already hardcore flirting with each other. (Is this bad considering I broke up with my boyfriend only the day before, and the last time we hooked up I had just broken up with my boyfriend the day before as well? Oh well.) Sometimes it just makes you feel good when you look good, you feel good, you know you’re doing good, and someone’s picking up what you’re putting down, even if they’re an asshole. I guess that makes it even better.

After the group had a few drinks, we went back to my friends house so we could get ready. We then went to a corn maze because we had free tickets. I DID NOT WANT TO GO. Okay, something about being stuck in a giant maze in the dark doesn’t sound fun at ALL. So naturally we got lost. There were SO MANY CIRCLES. I got ready to go out in my dress and everything before the corn maze so I had leggings and my friends boots on. Thank god I did because it was a muddy ass disaster. My friend and I ended up getting separated from the boys. We got super lost and decided to just go back the way we came. (Which ended up being hard as fuck.) We couldn’t take very long anyway because in order to not pay cover at the bar we had to get there before 9. Mission accomplished.

We thought that the bar would be hopping considering it was almost Halloween. It wasn’t. I encouraged my friend to get drunk anyway because of the great drink specials. It seemed to work. No decent guys there either. Total bummer. Maybe next time? I’d post pictures of my friend and I together, but I only post pictures of myself to protect the identities of all my friends.

Here’s a picture of the dress I wore: (It was totally snug the last time I tried it on. It’s so loose now. It’s a Betsey Johnson)

After we let the bar, we decided to go back to my friends house and play a little beer pong were the heavy flirting continued. What can I say? I dressed up as a sex kitten! (not to be confused with a sexy kitten, hehe) It just comes with the territory. Somewhere around 1:00 it was time to leave, however I wasn’t quite ready to go, if you know what I mean…. 😉

I got home somewhere around 2:30 where my dad bitched me out about how my dog kept waking him up and shit. Uhhhh, why don’t you just put her in my room where she sleeps every night? The same place she goes where she doesn’t wake you up? DUHHHH. He’s being a total douche. I’m almost 30 years old and I really don’t have to explain who the fuck I was with. If you really want to know, I can tell you in exact detail WHO I was doing, yes WHO I was doing, not WHAT I was doing, but since I’m your little girl, I’m pretty fucking sure you don’t want to hear that. I know it’s because I’m “fragile’ just coming out of rehab, but dude, I’ve done this before, I know what my limits are. I know what to do and not to do. I got this.

So that’s the tale of last night. I don’t have any plans for today, actual Halloween. I’m pretty tired. I didn’t get to bed until pretty late then my dog woke me up pretty early. I didn’t have any time to buy her a costume, because she’s so big I’d have to order it online. So instead I found my old ladybug costume from circa 2006 and put it on her. She didn’t seem to mind at all.

I’m just going to be rocking out in this tee all day that I bought for Halloween last year (which I am swimming in because it’s so big on me, but it’s all I have!) with my orange and black eyeshadow on. Peace out dudes!

Devil’s Night

I broke up with my boyfriend last night. (My boyfriend named good if you have been following along.) I’ve been out of treatment for 2 weeks and 1 day. When I was in treatment I had so many intense feelings for him. I would write him letters everyday about how much I loved and missed him. However once I got out, I didn’t feel the same. It’s like a switch flipped inside of me. I don’t know how to explain it, and it totally crushed him. But I had to explain to him that I’m going in one direction, and he’s just standing still. He’s still not working, he doesn’t have a car, or a license. How can I move forward when he isn’t? It’s not fair to me. I want someone who is motivated, and right now it seems like I’m his only motivation. That’s so much pressure. I’ve actually been meaning to break up with him since I got out, but I knew this would absolutely crush him, so I’ve been putting it off.

I told him we can be friends, because I feel like that’s what we’ve been lately. He said that’s all he hears, that he’ll be friends with his ex and it never works out. He knows that I’ll move on and find someone else. Maybe I will? I don’t know. He was very good to me. But lately, since he ran out of money, and he doesn’t have a job, everything has been on me. I’m selfish, I want someone to take care of me. I know this about myself. He did that before, and he knows that about me. He knows he needs to step up. I told him that if he can get his shit together, maybe things will change. I’m giving him a silver lining but do I think we’ll get back together? Probably not. I think the chapter is closed. I don’t think I’ll have those feelings for him again. Which brings me to my next point….

I’m ready to move on. I still have hope that evil & I will get back together. He’s currently in a treatment center for 6 months. I know our relationship won’t work if he doesn’t stay sober. I don’t know if he’s capable of doing it. I want him to be. I hold on to it. But again, I should just move on. 6 months is a long time. I can’t just sit around and wait for him for 6 months. So I’m not. Just because I’m sober, doesn’t mean I can’t have fun, have a social life. Go out and meet new people. Which is EXACTLY what I’ll be doing tonight.

I remember 5 years ago the first time I got sober the first time I went out was at a Halloween party with a good group of people. I wasn’t uncomfortable, I felt totally fine in my environment. People were drinking, having a good time. I had an out if I wanted to leave. I was with a good friend who understood my situation and wouldn’t put me in harms way. She knew that it was a huge leap for me to even come to the party, and knew that I probably wouldn’t stay long, and it was my first venture after my stint in rehab. Well, tonight I’m going to experience that all over again. I’m going to “test the waters” I guess. I’ll be fine. Drinking doesn’t really do it for me, I think drunk people are hilarious.

I mostly want to go out because I love being slutty on Halloween. Plus I have a lot to celebrate. (with water!) I just got a new job, I’m newly single, newly sober, I’m fresh out on the prowl. I want to help my friend troll for some new dudes, and she’s going to help me do the same. The best part is, I WON’T HAVE BEER GOGGLES. See example below.

I can also help my friend from this mistake.

The only problem is I have to wear a Halloween costume. I think I might just wear some slutty ass outfit and my Hello Kitty ears and call it a night. I told my friend to get some cat ears, draw on some whiskers and go as a sex kitten. (See what a good influence I am?)  Meowwww =^^=

My other friend came to me on Monday and said that she wanted to go to treatment. She had a court date on Wednesday, and after that she was planning on breaking up with her boyfriend because of his involvement with drugs and all the drama he brings. Well, it’s now Friday and she has yet to make any changes. I honestly don’t believe she’s going to do it. I know she NEEDS to do it, I PRAY she’ll do it. I told her this isn’t the type of thing you dwell on, or research. It’s the type of thing you just go and do. You pack your bags full of random shit. You don’t even know what you packed because you are just so worried about getting there, and then you fucking go. There’s no thinking, no researching, you just go, just do. I ended up re-friending her on Facebook just so I could kind of creep in on her life. I have no interest in being friends with her, taking her calls unless it’s about getting help. She’s very skinny, disgusting looking, crack addict looking. She initially told me that she just needs to go for depression. I told her that’s a load of bullshit. She needs to get honest with herself. She said she’s really good at manipulating doctors. I said well if you want to get better, you have to be honest. You have to tell all your doctors your an addict. You have to realize your body doesn’t know the difference between taking drugs for pain and for pleasure. I pray for her and her children’s sake she gets well. But until she checks herself in, I will not be taking her calls, entertaining her questions about treatment. Her main concern was detoxing. Really? Get over it.

Anyway, I’m going to load myself slap happy full of coffee this morning so I can finally get the motivation to sort through this mountain of shit in the basement that I call my belongings. I have THREE closets worth of clothes. Now that I have a job, I have to organize my shoes which are currently in a box. I can’t believe I treated them so badly. I hope they forgive me. I think I might need another treatment center….

Day drinking

Well I had a grand ole time day drinking with my bestie today. I’d post some selfies of us, but I only post pics of myself and keep my friends identities private. Well day drinking turned into day shopping. I really just came on here to post all the cool shit I got today.

OHhhhhhhhhhhh and I wanted and excuse to show off my day drinking outfit:

(I had my outer space leggings on with them which made the outfit so much more bad ass)

My grand total on all my shopping purchases today? $15 mother fuckers! Suck on that! Maybe you should get drunk and go shopping more often because apparently everything is cheaper that way. Anyway, I am waiting for my boo to get back here. He’s staying overrrrrr. My bestie I hung out with tonight is such a doll face that she actually took my laundry home to her house (since I don’t have a washer & dryer) and is going to do it for me! What a sweettttttie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ❤ ❤

Well I’m going to watch a movie and cuddle with this cute little (well not so little) fuzz ball!

You messed with the wrong girl

I hardly ever check my mail. However I was babysitting for my friend yesterday and when she came home she was going through her mail. So when I came home I decided to check my mail too. Well thank god I did because what did I find in my mail? A nice lovely eviction notice form my landlord. Yes that’s right, they want me out. It’s a “just cause” eviction too, meaning I didn’t do anything wrong, they just want me out. As soon as I opened it I just started laughing. I know this isn’t a typical response to an eviction notice, especially to someone who doesn’t have a job or any savings.

What I think these ass clowns don’t realize is that by evicting me they just started a war. Since I called the housing department at the end of March, that means the entire time I lived here since November the house wasn’t up to code. Translation: they weren’t allowed to collect rent. Second translation: I get all that money back. Third translation: Fuck you.

I could fight them and stick around here but I do NOT want to live in this house anymore. With all the problems I’ve had in the past, I don’t see it getting any better. Especially with the summer coming up, all the bugs, and how hot it’s going to get in here. (The winter was brutal with how cold it was in here, even with a new furnace!) I don’t want to have to deal with these slumlords anymore.

Normally I would be freaking out, but I have a backup solution. My very amazing best friend (the one I just wrote about in my last blog) has offered her entire basement up to me as a spot to live. Her brother used to live down there, so it’ll be perfect for me. The entire basement is open, but then there is a room that is closed off for a bedroom. So I’d be able to set up all my furniture that I have in my house now in the basement and then set up my bedroom too. We haven’t discussed payment or anything, but we’ll get into that later.

Her ex has until the end of the month to get the rest of his stuff out of the house so I can’t move my stuff in until the beginning of next month. They gave me until June 12 to move. She has an office that’s right down the street from where I live now, which also happens to have a shit ton of moving boxes. So what we devised a plan. I’m going to start using some of those boxes and start packing some stuff up here and store it at her warehouse/office. (I hate clutter so I don’t want to keep a bunch of boxes here) Then after the first of the month I can pack up the rest of the house, rent a moving truck and load up the house here, take it to the warehouse and load up there, then drive it to my new home and unload!

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we know the reason, sometimes we don’t know it right away, and sometimes we never know. But it’s quite possible that me getting kicked out of my dad’s house and forced to live in this piece of shit taught me a lesson. It taught me how to take care of myself, how to live alone and independently, and to grow the fuck up. It taught me that I don’t have to rely on my dad to go grocery shopping every weekend for food if I want to eat, I have to do that stuff. I have to clean the bathroom if it’s dirty, all these things that I should’ve learned a long time ago, but never did.

I feel like this place helped me grow up. Despite all the bullshit and disgusting shit I had to deal with here, it did do something for me. So when I said everything happens for a reason, getting thrown out of the house I lived in my entire life was a blessing in disguise.

Now I am just waiting to hear back from this attorney I contacted about getting all this back rent because legally I’m entitled to it. (Hence why I titled this blog you messed with the wrong girl.) Most of the other people who live in this neighborhood are all junkies. (This town has a baddddddddd heroin problem, which is why I am kind of glad I’m moving back to my old hometown) Junkies usually don’t go that route because they usually do something wrong in order to get evicted, or have something to hide, or even priors that would make them look bad in court. Guess what bitches? My record is clean, I’ve always paid my rent in full and on time, my checks have always cleared, and you have NOTHING ON ME. I have a LOT on you. Like how your maintenance man wouldn’t fix my house for MONTHS, until YOU told me to call the housing department myself because YOU (meaning my landlord) live in California and couldn’t really do much from there.

I did want to go a lot farther with this buttttttttttt a friend of mine works at a country club and she’s working today and told me to come up there for lunch, ON HER!!! Uh, duh. So I have to take a shower and stuff because I’m still in my jammies! Oh and the friend of mine that I’m speaking of is the cousin of my ex that I just had thrown in jail. Ironic. Whatever. My economics teacher was wrong when she said there’s no such thing as a free lunch. Suck it professor!

Real post. Kinda.

Sorry for my lack of postings once again. I’ve been busy! But I wanted to show off some birthday photos! 

  
   

  (Yes there is a 9 candle missing. It was there in spirit) 

 
My dress was open back and we got this redic temporary tat from a gum ball machine for a little extra flare! 

Which brings me to my next topic, I actually did get some new ink since my birthday! 

  
I already had the top one but got it touched up. The first one says little sister, the second means daughter and the third is grand daughter in Japanese Kanji. Pretty nifty huh?

  
Anyway I’m currently posting from the D. Representing the 313 motha fuckaZzzz. Because I don’t have a job when someone asks me to give them a ride somewhere for gas money and cash, I’m fucking doing it. 

There are a lot of crazies here though. Some guy asked me to share my headphones so we could listen to music together. I’m like no that’s okay, I’m selfish and I need both. Yeah, I’m a smart ass being a smart ass in Detroit. 

  

This afternoon/evening I’m going to a BBQ and drinking all the leftover booze from my party. Yes there was some leftover beer because of this liquor. Oh and let me just say, this stuff is amazing. No chaser even for the weakest, like me. 

  Smirnoff iced cake vodka. Mmmm!

My anxiety and bipolar have been all over the place lately. I think I’m getting stir crazy not working.

 Aiiiight hopefully I won’t be here too much longer! It’s 80 outside and I wanna go playyyyy!!!!

  

Birthday happiness

I have to say that despite doing not much on my birthday it was swell. It most definitely ended swell too and continued into this morning. (You follow me?)

This is the same person I mentioned a few blogs back that him and I have been super close friends for a couple years. We met under some really fucked up circumstances, and a lot has happened since we initially met. There has always been chemistry between us, but the last night we finally did something about it. It’s like we have been in this super close friend zone for so long that we thought that’s all it might be.

I just feel bad right now because he’s really depressed about a lot of shit in his life. His ex won’t let him see his kid and hasn’t for over a year. He’s still going through the court battle to get ANY visitation with his son. He has a lot of other issues like me too, so I know what it’s like to he stuck inside your head when all this bad shit is happening in your life. It’s makes it almost impossible to get out of bed and do anything. He’s been so upset and mopey all day long and I feel horrible about it, and wish there was something I could do. It just hurts to see your friend be in so much pain and you’re not able to do anything to help them.

He knows I don’t want to put myself out there either because of how my last “relationship” went, and he himself is just in a shitty mindset. All I can so as a person is be there for him. When they say you can’t change people, it most certainly is true. I realized today the same is true with emotions. You can’t change someones emotions, or try and make them feel better when you suffer with mental illness. I feel really bad I’m going to try and cuddle or something.

My friend is coming over in a little bit so I can do her hair for a “date” she’s going on tonight. I say it like that because they’ve been friends forever, but she does like him, and of course I want to make sure she looks hot as hell. My friends always have me doing their hair since i”m just a whiz at it. I should start charging. Oh snap, and it looks like I just made $40 by selling my tablet.