I’m back and doing great

I don’t even remember the last time I updated but it’s been months. I thought since I’m doing better I should update. A few months ago I finally found a job that I like. I had a couple of jobs here and there over the span of time I left Google but nothing that challenges me the way Google did. I went from being at the top of my game, to back to rehab. 

I have to say rehab did me a lot of good. I’m on better medications, I have a good job that I’m really good at. I have a small group of friends and that’s really all I need. I’m still living at my dads house and I want to get out so bad, however I don’t trust myself right now. 

I got rid of all the negative influences in my life. I finally let evil go. (He’s referenced a lot in this blog as evil) I finally decided he was bringing me down and that I had to cut ties. Even if it means he hates my guts and never wants to speak to me again, I’m okay with that. I can’t save everyone. I need to focus on myself. He just took up way too much of my time and energy. 

I did start dating someone else I met, however he turned out to be an asshole. Same pill popping, alcoholic type I usually go for. He actually told me how fat and disgusting I was. Then he started to get angry and threaten me. He even called my new job. I cut ties with him a long time ago. I’ve learned I don’t have the best choice in men so I’m going to continue to be single. I’ve been putting myself out there again though. Went back on this dating site. I think I’m ready to start over again. I guess we’ll see how that goes. 

My job is fantastic! I work in the business development center for a car dealership. I schedule appointments for the sales team, customer service, call customers about promotions the dealership has each month. I get commission whenever I schedule an appointment or sell a car. Last month was my first full month and I sold 17 cars. This month has been incredibly slow for car sales and I’m one at like 7 right now. I know it’s not me, people just aren’t buying. Next couple of months seem promising with follow ups and what not. 

Basically what I’m trying to say is….

It’s taken me a long time to get stable and establish myself somewhere so I’m finally conforming to society again. 

Speaking of work, I have to put my phone down and start getting ready for work. But I hope all my followers are still here and continue to follow my journey! 

29 on the 29th!

I am officially 29 years old! I’m not sure what time I was born at, but I’m pretty sure 29 years ago I outside of my mother’s womb by this time. I didn’t have anything on my schedule other than to get the estimate on my car. A good friend of mine told me last night he was going to come with me, but he’s been bailing on me lately so I figured he would today too. Anyway, to my surprise he didn’t. I went and picked him up and we went to the dealership. Afterward all I wanted to do was go home and hang out. I didn’t want to spend my entire birthday running around all over town. At this point I started to get a little pissed, but in the spirit of my birthday I just decided to let it go.

Finally we get to my house and I noticed there was a pink present on my door step. I had no clue who could have possibly left it there. I doubt my ex even knows it’s my birthday today. Anyway, I get all excited and come inside with my friend to open it. I go straight for the card first and it’s from him. How sweet is that? He totally had me out running these errands to make sure his friend set up the surprise in time. So I got roses and some hello kitty stuff. How thoughtful.

He’s in a really, really, really bad mood right now because he got some really bad information about his son who he has been trying to see for a year now, and his baby momma is being a bitch about letting him see him. So, I think I’m going to try and cheer him up, as well as thank him in the form of a “movie.” We all know what THAT means. 😉 ❤

Also, thank you to everyone who wished me a Happy Birthday! It means a lot to me! I feel so loved and appreciated, even though this means I’m a little closer to death.

Nice men

Nice men do things for you without even being asked. Despite the fact I asked my father to about 588:335689 times.  

 

All my dresser drawers are now fixed. This makes me smile because the littlest gestures are huge for me. ❤

Sunday clarity

I woke up with a clear head this morning of what I need to do in order to move on with my life. Just simple, move on. Put the past in the past, life is a gift, which is why it’s called the present. I know that sounds cheesy as fuck, but it’s so true. I am tired of being hurt, then feeling sorry for myself. It’s just time to pick up and move the fuck on. I have to have faith that in the end this thing called KARMA will catch up to those that deserve it.

I’m smart, pretty, fun, with a good sense of humor, and I will always be ME. I have been feeling a lot more confident with myself, and my weight loss too, and I should embrace that. I shouldn’t feel like shit over something that happened in the past, and how totally fucked up and wrong it was on the other persons part. I need to stop trying to get into the other persons head. I’ll drive myself crazy trying to make sense of things that don’t make sense. They’re just wrong. I can’t justify something wrong into something right in my head.

I’m not the same person I was even a year ago. I was still really depressed over my weight gain, I didn’t feel pretty or confident. I didn’t want to go out or be seen, I didn’t want to go shopping to do anything to make myself seem attractive because I didn’t feel like it at all. Now I feel totally different, and I should celebrate my looks, embrace my life.

That’s right! 17 more days until April 29 in which I will be turning 29 years old. My golden birthday! (Your golden birthday is supposed to be your lucky year, when you turn your age on your birthdate.) I just have a lot of change going on right now in my life and it’s hard. I need a new job, a new man, new men, money, and just to be happy and carefee again. People like me, you wouldn’t ever think it’s hard for someone like me to open up, because I am (obviously) a very open book, but I don’t like NEW. I knew that I did need a new job however because I did NOT like the way things were going at my old job, the people, the stupid everyday bullshit, the unfairness, the pure disgust I have for other employees. Yeah. I’m glad I’m out. Other than for financial reasons.

I want to scream, cry, laugh, hide, run, play, all these different emotions at once. Some parts of my life I am totally content with, and right now I don’t know how I’m getting food, or my next rent check, or any of the other numerous bills that are stacking up right now, however I am taking it one fucking day at a time.

Anything further than that is too much. Even talking about this right now is starting to make me a little panic-y. Next subject.

I haven’t done laundry in about 2 weeks so later on I’m going to mosey on over to my mom’s house and get that done. I don’t know what else we’ll get into while I’m there but it’s always a blast, even if it’s a lazy Sunday doing laundry hanging out with our dogs. I’m glad I have a good relationship with my mom. ❤ It’s good to remind myself of all the GOOD things I have going on right now. Positive mindset.

Also, tonight is the premiere of the 7th and FINAL season of Nurse Jackie! I am so excited it’s back! I went back and caught up on the entire show in anticipation for the final season. I can’t wait to see how they spin this.

Tune in tonight at 9 PM! If you don’t have Showtime they’re offering a free week this week. (At least for Comcast subscribers) Also, don’t I have the cutest dog ever???

I need to get in a happy place NOW

There is so much bad shit running through my mind right now. A lot of unknowns. I won’t get into specifics. But if what the unknown is what turns out to be what I think it is, then I’m going to be like *poof* pissed the fuck off. Aside from that, I’ll be extremely hurt, heartbroken, amongst another things. So, like I said, without being so specific here (because I really have absolutely no idea what really is happening at this point, contact unknown) I just really need to get my mind elsewhere. So, it’s here. Here it is. In my happy place. Here goes it. Here it goes.

Work this week. MIND FUCK. I think I mentioned this before, but I sit RIGHT NEXT TO MY BOSS. This is a huge problem for me. Mostly because I’m always somehow getting sales and numbers or whatever the fuck they want this month, but never at my desk. Hmmmmmmm…………..I just kinda float. So now that my boss can see me AT ALL TIMES, he can literally see me, at all fucking times. He keeps watch on me. He told me today I’m his project. Whenever he sees me talking to other people he shoos me away from them. I guess that’s good. I’m just trying to get someone to smoke a cig with me TO BE HONEST.

Then some other fuckery happened. A good, good, person got let go. Fuck this place. FUCK this place. UGH. I walk around with a target. Why am I not gone? I’m waiting for it. It’s my ammo for another gig. Ugh, I hate new jobs. I’m so fucking weird. I’m SO fucking weird. Whatever.

I’m really glad my dog is getting along with 1 of these 2 cats. The other went crazy and attacked me and the dog so it went to bed with my friends daughter who I am watching along with her house for the night. I had to bring my fur baby along too! She had so much fun in the car! Weeeee!

I took like 8225895828982023093owiotei (an estimate) pictures of her with her face out the window smiling! She looks so happy! Weeeeeeeeee Maizy!

Okay, so the thing that I don’t know about if it’s a thing I don’t know about. I’m just going to figure this whole shishkabob out in the morning. I’m totally stealing wifi from my friend who is actually stealing it from someone else. Hacker life.

 

Wow internet broken

So my internet has been temporarily disabled. Which is why I haven’t updated my blog. Epic fail. Man. I have been trying to stay in a positive mind set and it’s actually working. 



Yes I just pulled that one. 

I also just want to add that I repaired a broken friendship recently and it feels nice. Taking things slowly of course but I’m glad we are back in action. I’m upset we ever were apart but sometimes we all need space. For whatever reason or another we all have our moments, and I respect that because shit, I damn sure have a hell of a lot of moments. 

Also, my amazing hello kitty soul sister sent this to me via US Postal Service! Yes, it still exists! 



Well if I haven’t eaten up too much data I’ll post. Tags later at work. Hehehehe. 

Yay! Rainbow Membership!

I’m getting my club metro membership because I’m at motor city casino tonight in downtown Detroit! They have a promo going on for an hour of free play for members. Plus my “friend” that referred me accrues all the points on his membership card that I do tonight as well.

This is why I’m referring to it as a rainbow membership.

It looks like tie dye, which is like one of my most facoritest things ever ever. So, I’m totally just having a tits of s good time.

Where was I going with this?

Most blogs are to vent and be all splish splash in haterade. I’m taking all my emotions straight to the net int the form of positivity. See it, think it, believe it. Example.

This morning it’s cold as fuck. No surprise there, it’s Michigan. But, as I pull out on the road early as hell (I’ve been getting to work early to do campaign build so it won’t take away from my phone time — yeah weird, and productive.) But anyway, the sky looks so beautiful, and cotton candy like.

It’s kind of pink & purple which I ~*love*~.

So work was decent I guess. I tried to stay in my own zone despite what else may be going on. I had a few appointments already scheduled today which were guaranteed sales, and I made a couple of cold calls which turned into sales as well.

Also, another bonus of the day:

I passed driving school! Yay! I was offered driving school back in November instead of getting points on my license. Of course I looked for the easiest one I could find, and I waited until the last possible minute. My deadline is TOMORROW. (I got the ticket November 9, 2014… oops!) She also reached out to me about advertisement and I told her I would get her assigned to my book at work and we could work together. Now neat is that? Maybe with her help I might make some of that Secretary of State money back in commission. That would be nice.

I’m only *slightly* bummed because today I had to move my desk out of my comfort zone. But hey, I don’t mind. It gives me a whole new perspective of things. I miss all my ninjas I used to sit with but I guess I need to refocus my energy. Like this guy:

I’m so excited to do it all again tomorrow! Yes! Another day living the dream!

Speaking of dreams, if unicorns were real would be their anatomy.

Ah shit! What the hell am I talking about? Unicorns are real! I am one! Bitch!

I think I did a little bit too much of this while writing this post since I have to wait up for someone to get home and pick them up. Weeeeeee!

Listening to: Deadmau5 & Kaskade, “I Remember (Remix)”