MondayyyYyyyYyy

It doesn’t feel like Monday when you don’t have a job. It’s just like any other fucking day. If you have read some of my previous posts you’ll know that I absolutely hate Monday’s. If you do a Google image search for “fuck Monday memes” you will be LOL for sure. That’s how I used to TRY to get in a good mood for work on Monday mornings, just have a quick LOL at some of those memes and go on with my shitty ass day. Like this image for example….this can easily make you smile even for a hot second on a shitty Monday. It’s a cute kitty getting drunk because he/she hates Monday’s too. It’s a national crisis.

So I posted last night/this morning that I was going to be productive. I am happy to report that the time is currently 5:40 PM and I did get somethings checked off my list. First, you’ll have to know that because I am bipolar and unemployed, I consider getting out of bed and taking a shower as productive. Actually getting dressed after that shower, putting on makeup, and wearing something other than PJ’s is super productive for me. So I’ve already done all of those things today. (I slacked a little bit and didn’t style my hair.) This may sound stupid as fuck to someone who doesn’t understand being bipolar, but anyone who has it or truly understand it and knows my situation knows how hard it is to overcome small challenges like getting out of bed when you have no reason to. It really pisses me off when people use the phrase “you’re so bipolar” as an insult. Not to me, just in general. It should piss off anyone who is bipolar really.

I am doing this blog most importantly for myself and my own issues, and if by other people reading it using the tags of bipolar, or mental illness, or whatever read it, and it helps them too, then that’s even better. I struggled with the isolation of being bipolar for years, and I knew it wasn’t ME and I didn’t want to feel that way, but I also didn’t know what to do. I finally got a really good doctor who listens and understands my concerns about medication and diagnosis. Being positive and maintaining the positive attitude has really been helping me maintain my bipolar disorder throughout these last few weeks. I really like this quote because it’s true. Having this mental illness has taught me that I can overcome any challenge, and also not to let things get stuck in my head and give me negative energy. If I do let things get stuck in my head, I get pulled way the fuck down and it’s so hard to climb out of that. This blog really does help me channel all my thoughts and release them from my head.

Anyway, I got a package this morning at 9 AM and I don’t have a doorbell but Maizy is a great improviser. I’ve never seen how crazy she gets when a delivery man comes to the door since I’m usually at work. She went fucking crazy, which is why I woke up in the first place and actually signed for the package. Anyway, I splurged a little bit with some leftover tax money and purchased myself a new pipe. But not just any pipe, a cupcake one! Thank you to Chameleon Glass for the pipe, case, grinder, storage container, lighter, sticker and candy they sent along with my pipe. It’s my first time ordering with them, but it won’t be my last. They were super fast, excellent customer service, and provided me with tracking information as soon as it was available. So here it is!!!!!!!

I also got in touch with the unemployment office today. They told me they would release my first payment today, and I should have it in my bank account in a few days. I shouldn’t have had to call in the first place, it should have been done automatically. Of course, it wasn’t….so I had to get on their asses and take care of business myself. I have to certify again on Monday for the last 2 weeks, and then it should release a couple days after that. I got a notice from the unemployment office last week that said my employer never responded to the paperwork they sent over as to why I was terminated, and so by default I automatically get unemployment.

I also reached out to my former boss and told him I tried contacting HR regarding getting reimbursed for the wages they took out of my last paycheck for insurance. Basically in my email to my former boss I said hey, I know this isn’t your job, but can you please get the fuck on the person who is so we can be done with this already? Shortly after I emailed him I got a response back from HR. She told me she was out of the office sometime when I sent her the email and it had gotten pushed down in her inbox and she lost track of it and never followed up. She didn’t really have an answer as to when I’d get my money back, hopefully this week. She said she would have a better idea once payroll is finished and that I should email her on Thursday to get more information. I made sure I put 2 reminder notices on my iPhone calendar to follow up Thursday. I want every last dollar I can possibly get out of that place.

When I checked the mail today I got a letter stating that I was accepted for Medicaid. So I have health insurance. YAY! I also got another letter from the state saying they needed more information from me in order to qualify me for food assistance. I got the paperwork today, and they needed to receive it today. I called at 4:30 and left a message and said hey dudes, I just got this today, and there’s no way I can get this information to you today. So hopefully they’ll return my call tomorrow and allow me to have extra time.

I also got in touch with someone I used to be a server with. He recently moved into the area and is serving at one of my favorite Italian restaurants out here and said he makes bank. He is going to try and get me some part time work up there so I can get cash, and my unemployment. It’s temporary. I definitely do not want to be a server for very long, I enjoy office work too much. (That was my back handed way of saying I’d rather be lazy and sit at a desk than actually work on my feet!)

Well, now I guess I’m having some company. Someone I haven’t seen in a while. I’m glad I did my makeup today….I just wish I would’ve done my hair so I could look my absolute best, but whatever. I think I look decent. Pale, but decent. More bronzer. Definitely more bronzer. I will post about how this rendezvous goes.

If you had a shitty Monday, don’t forget my trick to instant LOL’s on Monday! (Google image search fuck monday memes)

P.S.– The countdown is officially on!!!

I dig this quote

  

That pretty much sums up what I’ve been doing. I saw this quote and I was just like wow, that’s me. It makes me feel dumb that I was vunerable. Everyone is vunerable in life though, I choose not to be. I don’t have relationships because I don’t like having feelings and be vunerable. I get chewed up and spit out in the love world. Wanting that temporary happiness made a fool out of me, and I will be absolutely sure it doesn’t happen again. No more ignoring the truth. The truth doesn’t set you free if you 1, ignore it or 2, never acknlowedge it. That is what makes me a better person. I can admit the truth. 

Despite it being Monday tomorrow, well technically today since its 12:45 AM, I’m going to try and be productive. I don’t have anything really to do since I don’t have a job right now, so productivity isn’t even really something I need to do. 

I’ll post again and the end of the day. Hopefully I’m productive. 

Sunday clarity

I woke up with a clear head this morning of what I need to do in order to move on with my life. Just simple, move on. Put the past in the past, life is a gift, which is why it’s called the present. I know that sounds cheesy as fuck, but it’s so true. I am tired of being hurt, then feeling sorry for myself. It’s just time to pick up and move the fuck on. I have to have faith that in the end this thing called KARMA will catch up to those that deserve it.

I’m smart, pretty, fun, with a good sense of humor, and I will always be ME. I have been feeling a lot more confident with myself, and my weight loss too, and I should embrace that. I shouldn’t feel like shit over something that happened in the past, and how totally fucked up and wrong it was on the other persons part. I need to stop trying to get into the other persons head. I’ll drive myself crazy trying to make sense of things that don’t make sense. They’re just wrong. I can’t justify something wrong into something right in my head.

I’m not the same person I was even a year ago. I was still really depressed over my weight gain, I didn’t feel pretty or confident. I didn’t want to go out or be seen, I didn’t want to go shopping to do anything to make myself seem attractive because I didn’t feel like it at all. Now I feel totally different, and I should celebrate my looks, embrace my life.

That’s right! 17 more days until April 29 in which I will be turning 29 years old. My golden birthday! (Your golden birthday is supposed to be your lucky year, when you turn your age on your birthdate.) I just have a lot of change going on right now in my life and it’s hard. I need a new job, a new man, new men, money, and just to be happy and carefee again. People like me, you wouldn’t ever think it’s hard for someone like me to open up, because I am (obviously) a very open book, but I don’t like NEW. I knew that I did need a new job however because I did NOT like the way things were going at my old job, the people, the stupid everyday bullshit, the unfairness, the pure disgust I have for other employees. Yeah. I’m glad I’m out. Other than for financial reasons.

I want to scream, cry, laugh, hide, run, play, all these different emotions at once. Some parts of my life I am totally content with, and right now I don’t know how I’m getting food, or my next rent check, or any of the other numerous bills that are stacking up right now, however I am taking it one fucking day at a time.

Anything further than that is too much. Even talking about this right now is starting to make me a little panic-y. Next subject.

I haven’t done laundry in about 2 weeks so later on I’m going to mosey on over to my mom’s house and get that done. I don’t know what else we’ll get into while I’m there but it’s always a blast, even if it’s a lazy Sunday doing laundry hanging out with our dogs. I’m glad I have a good relationship with my mom. ❤ It’s good to remind myself of all the GOOD things I have going on right now. Positive mindset.

Also, tonight is the premiere of the 7th and FINAL season of Nurse Jackie! I am so excited it’s back! I went back and caught up on the entire show in anticipation for the final season. I can’t wait to see how they spin this.

Tune in tonight at 9 PM! If you don’t have Showtime they’re offering a free week this week. (At least for Comcast subscribers) Also, don’t I have the cutest dog ever???

When you don’t know your next move….

I’m literally backed into a corner right now and fucked in every way possible. I don’t know where my next dollar is coming from. But since this is my happy place, and I try to maintain peace and happiness, I decided when you don’t know what your next move is, hug your pet and watch your ultimate favorite TV show that makes you laugh and the episodes never get old.

See examples below:

I have a lot of fucked up shit to deal with tomorrow that requires me to run all over this town, and a couple others. Money, my father, home repair, leaving the home, what the shit. Who cares, drowning it out with happiness.

Look good, feel good? Trying.

Having a shitty ass fucking day, so I’m trying this whole mindset that if you look good, then you’ll feel good. Instead of laying around in my PJ’s, watching Netflix and being a bum, I decided to get cute as fuck and go out and about and run errands. We shall see where the day takes me.

I am going to take my pup to get groomed & get her nails trimmed and painted of course. Then there’s a store riiiiiiiiiiiight down the street I’m going to look for cheap flats for. Last year I got a bunch of cute simple ones for like $3 each. I’m also going to see if they have a collar for Maizy that’s really scary looking. Like black with silver spikes. It’s more for protection because whenever someone drives, walks, talks, does anything too close to my house she jumps up on the couch an looks out the window. If they are there for a long time, or she doesn’t like it, she’ll start barking. Most people are already afraid of her, so if I make her look even scarier, especially if someone saw her in my window while I wasn’t home. Yeah, they could still proceed, but she’s loud as fuck so she’s my little security system/door bell. I’m so happy we found each other. Maybe if she’s good at the store she’ll get toys and treats too. We’ll see because she gets SOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo exited, and she’s pretty strong, and heavy, and I have a hard time controlling her. (I refuse to get a choke collar) I just have to yell heel constantly and then she’s like oh yeah, and then 10 seconds later forgets. So cute.

This should be interesting…….. considering I also tried something to get happy. Hey don’t judge me… it’s only 4:40 PM and I got started around 4:15… hehehe

Possible Birthday Dress and more Rambling

Possibly party dress for my birthday this year. I’ll be 29 on April 29 (my golden birthday!) I’m throwing a Unicorn, Princess, Anything Goes party…. So it should be interesting and crazy, Just the way I want it.

I already have matching shoes. Or I could get better ones. Two posts in one night. Yep. Not doing shit. I even rearranged the furniture in my living room. I made calls to some people, sent texts. I don’t expect people to pick up every single one of my calls or respond to every single one of my texts. However, under the circumstances I have been under recently, I think some of you owe me like a “hey, I was doing (fill in the blank.)” Even though I know it’s bullshit. Further proving my point that most people are bullshit, and they’re all full of bullshit.

Which brings me to my next point. I know people think I’m bullshit, and I’m this, and I’m that. I’m pretty sure they think I’m fake and judgmental too. However I’m NONE of those things. What’s funny is ALL of those people fake as fuck. They don’t like me for the the exact same shit they do to me. So here’s what I have to say to you on the internet. Because if I do see you in real life someday, somewhere, and it will happen, I will eye fuck the shit out of you (my way of saying staring) then probably laugh.

Thank you for dedicating part of your day to think about me. Even if it’s something vulgar and negative, you still thought it out, talked about it. So I still cross your mind. I must get to you for some reason and jealousy seems to be the real problem here. I think the image speaks for itself, so again, thank you for making me feel important.

Also, just as a reminder…. I just whipped this up. The quality sucks but I forgot to save it as a different file type but whatevs 🙂

Also, I updated my about me page! Check it out!

Off to a good start. I think it’s my wardrobe

I had my third interview today. I dazzle them with my personality. I was surprised they quizzed me on shit they talked to me about during my second interview which was going out in the field and doing a product launch. There is a lot of growth in the company. Although to learn the position Id ultimately be getting Id have to start at the bottom doing product launches which would require me to do driving to a bunch of different cities. Compensation for gas.

But I’m feeling great and it has to do with my amazing professional wardrobe. I have in this pink and reddish wrap dress with a feather print, bling now necklace, jet black tights and my Herman Munster shoes. I’m in the parking lot of the Michigan works office waiting for a call back so I’ll take some half ass pics. Oh and this pink satin coat is amazing. So many compliments.

Coat (it’s full length)

 

Pattern of the dress. I’ll try and update later with a selfie cause it’s worth it.

 

Herman Munster shoes. My mom says they look like the ones he wears on the show. I googled it before when she told me and she’s right. I’m not on wifi so this is taking forever so you can google that yourself.

Then here’s me with my cutie necklace and new aviators! I’m pissed about my hair though, it could be better

More clothing update!!!!!!!!!! 6:32 PM

Now I am out of my interview clothes because:

1. Why would I continue to look super cute when everyone has plans tonight except for me, so there’s ZERO point in looking cute or dressing up.

2. The porch was wet because it rained today and I fell in my heels RIGHT as I got home.

3. Leisure mode. See picture for reference:

 

Let me just add this in there that NOT having a job is actually more work then having one. You have to run around to all these places and constantly interview and whore yourself out there. Stay in touch with old business contacts and schmooze with them to get a hook up or two there. Not only that, but you have to go to the unemployment office and basically get a fucking stamp. Also, I have a social worker who I had to drive on the OTHER side of town (yeah, did I mention all the places I’ve been going to are not local) to help me file my paperwork for Medicaid, food and cash assistance. I mostly care about Medicaid so I can get my meds filled. The food would be nice too. As far as cash, ehhhh wellllll uhhhh yeah of course that’d be nice but I’ve got some side things lined up right now so I know my job is going to dick around with me on unemployment so I’m just going to be a dick back. I think I’ll be cool.

 

Injured for cutness

So if you read my last post you know that I went to Bed Bath & Beyond last night. Well, I’m posting today from one of my many new at home work stations so I did not get lost in the beyond. (YAY) Although, if I did, it would’ve been with these studs:

(I wanted an excuse to use that pic because it was super cute)

So anyway things haven’t been all bad since I lost my job. I have been trying to maintain a positive attitude. I am maintaining a schedule, running errands, keeping busy and organized. I could let my mental illnesses completely sweep me up, and then where would I be? Well, I’ll tell you where. Probably crawling back to my dad’s house. That’s honestly the LAST place I want to end up because that will mean 32892390582 steps in the WRONG direction for me. Our relationship is improving and I’d like to keep it that way. He shows he cares in the completely wrong way, but I don’t think he knows any better. Even though I’m the one who is hurting, desperate, in need of so much help, he attacks me, and I’m supposed to handle him. I should know better by now I guess. My 29th birthday is a month from tomorrow. My guest list might be a little smaller, but I am still having my Unicorn Princess Party.

Another exciting thing that happened this week is that I had my house inspected by the city housing department. My landlord lives in California so he has this guy “managing” it for him. So anything I need I’m supposed to go to him. Well, I have lived here since November and have paid my rent on time no problem. I have simply asked for them to fix things that are reasonable, and he just runs me around in circles and doesn’t do shit about anything. I found it very odd my landlord in California gave me the city inspectors contact information so freely, but he did, so I used it. I had an inspection yesterday and the inspector told me as soon as he left my house he was going to write the report and send it off to the landlord, and send me a copy. There were things I had concerns about but they found other things I didn’t even give much thought about. Now they are on notice from the city and they have 30 days from yesterday’s date to make all of the repairs or else……

I also found out that the guy he had managing the complex never made the landlord aware of ANY of my complaints. So when I said I thought it was sketchy he gave the inspectors number out so freely, he thought he had nothing to hide because he was told everything was already taken care of. My landlord tells me work is going to be started right away, and I immediately think it’s going to be the same douche that I’ve been dealing with this entire time. He reassures me he has someone else handling all of the work. So all of this took place yesterday afternoon, and my landlord scheduled a contractor to come out and price out the repairs this morning.

At this point I’m still thinking my landlord could still say fuck the repairs I’m just going to trash the place. The guy who came to do the estimate and who will be working on my house is cool as fuck. (This is a huge bonus because every person that has come to some sort of maintenance or installation in my house has been super creepy/rape-y) He called me back a little bit after leaving and said he wrote up an estimate that my landlord approved. Funny how my landlord will respond to other people. but not to me. I can see when he reads his text messages because he has an iPhone too, but he goes silent. So, I got another resource to help me along in this process….

Well, no, not her. I think that would take too long. I got some free legal advice. I am waiting for a call back because technically I don’t have to pay my rent until my house passes the city inspection. My rent is due on April 7, and the inspection is on April 27. I would just need to borrow some money from some kind family member, open up an escrow account with the inspection letter and boom. I’m all set for the rent, they can’t touch me on that. There’s a few other things they are liable for which is why I am trying to see what my rights are without getting too dirty here because I don’t want to get evicted. They don’t have any legal grounds to evict me, so they would have an even bigger shit storm if they tried to do that. Alright well, that took a lot of time.

As I mentioned I have lived here since November and it really hasn’t felt too homey mostly because I have been on their ass trying to get things fixed, so now that they have to, I’m starting to put more effort into things I guess. Even though right now I don’t have a job. I’m staying positive! My mom bought me some curtains for one of the windows in my kitchen/living room. We figured if we liked them we could go back and get more since they were marked down. Well I was determined to put them up myself today. BAD IDEA.

I fell off and through the chair and broke it. I cut my leg pretty bad on the wood and knocked the wind out of me. I’m pissed because now that’s another thing I have to buy that I don’t have to buy. I have a lot of different colors of glitter glue, maybe that will hold?

I did get the curtains up.

I also got this while in the beyond of BB&B

When I say I got this, I don’t mean me, my mom/personal shopper. I also got some other useless shit like a pink flip clock, a tart burner, some amazing candles, a paper towel rack, candy and this sweet ass cup.

Alright I think I’m going to give this blogging a rest. It’s 5:30 and although I have gotten a lot accomplished today I’m still sitting here in my glasses, unshowered with no food in the house. I don’t have any plans either so I’m not exactly sure what I’m getting ready for butttttttttt ya never know.

Point proven, Monday’s suck

Perhaps I’ll be blogging more because I’ll have more free time because I lost my job today! Oh I knew it was coming which is why I’m not really upset other than I have no money, actually probably a negative amount of money, and that is really freaking me out. I have to act pretty damn fast. My life literally just crashed and burned in a matter of weeks. Between my property situation, under medicated, over medicated, I can’t win. At this point, I know it’s a huge cop out and I’ve never wanted to do it because I thought I was capable, I might say disability? It’s obviously what’s preventing me from moving forward. I guess I’ve always felt capable of handling everything on my own but clearly, CLEARLY I’m not. I’ve had people helping me my whole life. It’s eventually going to end, then what? 

I just have to find my happy place!

  

  

  

  

Oh one more thing, today wasn’t ALL bad. It was my very first time celebrating National Puppy Day! I’m so happy to have found Maizy! I vow to always get your ball when it rolls under the furniture even though you have 73939 other balls & toys to play with because I know you will cry until I do because you want THAT one. 

 

 

  

 

 

 

Just a cour more of these for fun! (Google images Mondays suck memes when you’re having a bad Monday for instant LOLZ)

  

  

 

  

Middle of the night break down

Thou shall not panic.

Where are my anxiety medications and my therapists when I need them? NO WHERE TO BE FOUND. Therefor I am left to deal with this fuck storm (that’s a new one) on my own.

Let me try to zen out tonight with some House of Cards. IDK if it’s going to work.

Ready. Set. Go.