Happy Birthday Maizy!

It was Maizy’s 5th birthday yesterday! We celebrated early in the morning with treats and her first present.

I had to go to work for a little bit, until that shit got called of. Then we took Maizy in for some doggie spa treatments.

The paint job is a little wack on her toes. but I don’t even know they got as good as they did. Maizy also got a new collar and matching leash and some treats. The rest of the stuff I got was for Christmas!

Then I came home and ordered my sister’s fiance his present. He really wanted Cards Against Humanities so I got it for him. FUCKING LOVE THAT GAME. Then I also got my BFF a sweet as present. They didn’t have the thing I wanted, but I came up with a substitute that I hope is just as awesome.

I haven’t heard from evil since Wednesday night. I have no way to contact him, only just through his family. I mean, they’re busy living their lives too. So sometimes I feel like I’m just getting in the way of things. He really needs a new nickname. Okay, so from here on out, evil will now be known asssssssss…………this is going to take some time.

I wanted to bring up and an interesting factor. When I was about 2 years sober before that’s when I felt “ready” to smoke week. I know this doesn’t sound right no matter how you say it. But I do know a lot of successful people in recovery that smoke. Here’s why I’m asking. I take all non-narcotic medications. So everything that I take for anxiety is non-habit forming non-addictive. But there are sometimes that I’m just overwhelmed with stressed. Bad feelings, about people, places, things. I can’t shake it. I had a conversation with evil in which we both agreed taking Xanax is like a bandaid for you anxiety. It will fix it temporarily, but it’ll still come back. However for me, my problems never came back.

Well, technically they did, but I was so addicted to the drug, I chose to live in my own safe place where nothing could bother me. If I felt stress, or the pressures of REAL LIFE, poof, take another and the problems are solved. Then once you run out, or you don’t have any more, and you are on the hunt for more, you realize all the things you ignored. Making you somewhat want to fix it, but the chase for that drug outweighs everything, so you keep chasing.

What I’m trying to get at here is that I know that eventually I’ll start smoking weed again. It’s not like I can’t. TO ME IT IS NOT A DRUG. I’d like to do it the legal way. (But I don’t have the money for that right now) However, I don’t see what the big deal is avoiding major stressors before or after they come by smoking a little bit of pot every once and a while? I don’t think I’ll become a huge stoner, and start buying all kinds of pipes, buy in large quantities, anything like that.

Just thinking, not acting.

So anyway, I have to so see this tax bitch who has to fix the mistake they made on my fucking taxes because the IRS says I owe $245. SUCK MY (fill in body part here) I’ve been up since 5… now it’s almost 8. Yeeeeeeeah at some point I’m going to crash and burn.

Look good, feel good? Trying.

Having a shitty ass fucking day, so I’m trying this whole mindset that if you look good, then you’ll feel good. Instead of laying around in my PJ’s, watching Netflix and being a bum, I decided to get cute as fuck and go out and about and run errands. We shall see where the day takes me.

I am going to take my pup to get groomed & get her nails trimmed and painted of course. Then there’s a store riiiiiiiiiiiight down the street I’m going to look for cheap flats for. Last year I got a bunch of cute simple ones for like $3 each. I’m also going to see if they have a collar for Maizy that’s really scary looking. Like black with silver spikes. It’s more for protection because whenever someone drives, walks, talks, does anything too close to my house she jumps up on the couch an looks out the window. If they are there for a long time, or she doesn’t like it, she’ll start barking. Most people are already afraid of her, so if I make her look even scarier, especially if someone saw her in my window while I wasn’t home. Yeah, they could still proceed, but she’s loud as fuck so she’s my little security system/door bell. I’m so happy we found each other. Maybe if she’s good at the store she’ll get toys and treats too. We’ll see because she gets SOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo exited, and she’s pretty strong, and heavy, and I have a hard time controlling her. (I refuse to get a choke collar) I just have to yell heel constantly and then she’s like oh yeah, and then 10 seconds later forgets. So cute.

This should be interesting…….. considering I also tried something to get happy. Hey don’t judge me… it’s only 4:40 PM and I got started around 4:15… hehehe