It’s almost September!!

Where has the summer gone? I’m glad I got a job in mid June so that I didn’t have to sit around all summer. However it would’ve been nice to be unemployed and laying out in the pool all day. 

I was going back reading some of my old posts from last summer. It’s like I remember everything. Although I was constantly on drugs, my life was a mess, my love life was a mess. I’m glad I have simplicity in my life right now. I have work, friends, family. That’s all I need right now. Oh and of course my dog! 

Yes! I still have my dog. She adjusted very well last fall to her new home. She loves having a back yard to play in! It was very hard to leave her for a month when I went a away last year. Everyone in rehab had pics of their kids and I had some of “my baby” AKA my giant dog. I’ve found so much comfort in her. It’s impossible to have a bad day when you have someone that looks at you and loves on you. I had a bad day yesterday and when I came home to see her sweet face, I left all the bullshit at the door. 

Such a lady. 

Some other good news! My sisters wedding is just a little over a month away. She’s getting married October 8. They’re flying in from Arizona and getting married in Michigan. There will be a lot of out of towners coming in. I am of course the maid of honor. My sister wrote me in rehab and said she was very close to kicking me out of her wedding because I was on drugs. When they came in town, I was busy babysitting evil that I didn’t even spend any time with her. So she was really disappointed in me. 

I’m glad she didn’t have to do that because I’m really looking forward to being her maid of honor. I’ve never been in a wedding before, let alone someone’s maid of honor. They did a bachelorette party in Vegas in which I did not attend. I know my sis just wanted to have a good time and not worry if I was comfortable or not. So I decided to opt out. But boy do I miss Vegas. Plus I wouldn’t want to go with my sis anyway. The only way I’d go back is with some of my good girlfriends. 

Everything at my job is going well. It’s been a slow sales month, so I’m nowhere near the number of cars I sold last month. People just aren’t buying. I have a lot of follow ups in the next couple of months. As I mentioned I had a bad day yesterday. I didn’t have any leads (no one new to call) and I was getting upset with my boss for calling me out on it. He kept saying you really called all those people? Like do you think in lying? Then my boss added me on Facebook. Still trying to decide if this was a good or bad idea. 

He’s pretty cool, a couple years younger than I am. He tries to act like a bad ass at work and give me a hard time. However he does tell me what a great job I do pretty frequently and I like hearing it. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt passionate about work. My last couple of jobs were POINTLESS. So I started making up excuses and missing work frequently. With this job I don’t do that. I leave early sometimes (with permission) when my family has been in town and stuff. 

Now as far as my addiction goes, I would be lying if I said I was 100% clean. I still smoke pot, which I didn’t at first. But it’s not harming me. It’s helping me. Whenever I get stressed or anxious, I smoke. That’s way better than snorting a bunch of pills. I still take pills every once in a while. Lately I haven’t been able to tolerate them and they make me sick. So I’ve chilled out on them. But I figure if I do shit every once in a while, know my limits, and tell my friends what I’m doing so they can keep tabs on me, then I see nothing wrong. I’ve changed A LOT. I know once an addict, always an addict. But I believe a lot of my addict behavior comes out when I don’t take my bipolar Meds and I start doing reckless thing and behaviors. 

I’m really stable on my Meds now. I make sure to take them everyday. I was put back on adderall a few months ago. It really makes a difference. Sometimes I just can’t get out of bed in the morning, or be motivated to do any work. It helps me stay on task at work for the most part. I mean my first full month I had a huge sales month so it’s safe to say I’m very productive. This versus the old me who wouldn’t even get out of bed for a job interview. I got calls all the time but I never went. It’s like I knew they wouldn’t be the right job for me. If I don’t like something in doing I’m definitely not going to take it, or even try. 

I feel like I’m in the right position for me. I’m such a sales whiz. My brother in law always says I could sell a coloring book to Stevie wonder. 

Also I’d like to give some kudos to my bestie. She is making a great move next weekend into her own house. I am very proud of her and all her accomplishments. I know it’ll be tight with money, but I’m always down to hang out at someone’s house versus going out. She has come very far since I’ve known her. Lived in a couple different places, but I know this is something she has been searching for fo a long time and I’m very proud of her. Also, I’d like to add I’m not posting this because she reads it. I’m posting this because my blog reflects what I’m thinking and feeling. I haven’t gotten much of a chance to tell her how I feel in this sense. IM VERY PROUD OF YOU MOMMA!!! GET YOUR HAPPINESS ON! I’m going to help her move next weekend, and although I’m a weakling that can’t lift much, I’ll help as much as I can. I think that’s really all that matters is that I’m there for support and help. Moving is stressful. I should know because I’ve done it a couple of times in the last few years. The last thing I want is for it to be super overwhelming. I’ll be there to destress her. 

My other bestie is going through a rough time right now. She recently sold her house and all her belongings in an effort to start over. She was staying with her parents who made things very hard for her. However she’s back there now. I worry about her because her parents will fly off the handle at any second and start picking on her for the smallest shit. 

I’m glad I somewhat have my shit together so I can be a good supportive friend. My friends have been with me through some of my hardest times. All i can do is be there for them right now and show them my worth as a friend. It feels good to not have my head all foggy with drugs. Also, not to miss out on things just because I was high. I couldn’t even tell you the reason I missed my best friends birthday last year. No clue. I’m sure she does, but I was absent for something really important. I’m trying to be accountable for things now. Show up when I’m supposed to, do what I’m supposed to, and in general just bring reliable. I haven’t been reliable in a long ass time. 

Also, I have a court date for tomorrow morning. I made an improper turn and got a ticket. So I’m taking it to court to see if I can get the points reduced. I’m super fucking nervous. I had to do this in the fall and they ended up calling me in a small room to offer me a plea, which I paid off the same day. I know what I did was wrong, and I’m not saying I didn’t do it. All I’m asking for is to have the points reduced. I’ll even pay more money! The money is not the issue. I mean it is, but I have a job so I’ll be able to pay it. But my insurance is already super high because of an accident I had 2 years ago. That’s not coming off my record until next year. I knew as soon as I made the turn I was going to get in trouble. Of course I did. I need some positive vibes!

Well I have about a half hour till I have to get ready for work. Think I’ll just watch some tv until I have to actually do it. Thank you all for reading! Thanks for sticking around during my hiatus. I hope to be posting a lot more. Happy hump day!! Hope everyone is having a good week! Till we meet again! Xoxo

People Pleaser

I just had a phone interview for this job that I really want. I felt bad because my phone kept breaking up and losing signal. But once we started, I blew their mother fucking minds. Of course I did. I’m me. So what did I do? I NAILED IT BITCH.

I entitled this blog people pleaser because if you’re going to interview me over the phone for a sales position, I’ll sell the fuck out of myself. I’ll even shine your mother fucking shoes. Now I have to do this online assessment. I’m glad he told me it wasn’t timed because most people skip through it and don’t go through the next part of interviews.

THE ONLY REASON I’m a little nervous about working here is because someone I used to look up as mentor works there. He thinks I am the reason he got fired. So I’m nervous. We have always been cool together and I really hope this changes things. I want a fresh new start, and it’s comforting to know there will be someone I know. Just not comforting to know they hate me for the WRONG reasons. For my own sanity I may just set the record straight.

But anyway, this blog isn’t about him, it’s about me. YAY!

All the shit I have been through, it’s like someone is finally listening and giving me break. I’m going to do this assessment later because I’m a little dazed and well, yeah.

That’s more like it. Peace out bitches. Here’s a selfie for you!

Interview

 

 

So I had my job interview today but I couldn’t finish it because I didn’t have two forms of ID. I did actually but not the right ones. The girl over the phone told me what I had was fine but of course when I get there it wasn’t. So I was only able to do some testing, not even have an interview! I’m so pissed! But half these people didn’t do the math portion right and just used their cell phones. Then we had to watch a video and be tested on it. THERE WERE PEOPLE SLEEPING THROUGH IT. You can only get 3 wrong too. Ugh so I’m really bummed out I have to wait until the next round for an interview. All this effort getting ready and driving way the fuck across town really pisses me off. 

I’ve been really reckless too and have been pushing good away, and hanging out with evil. Something about our connection and past. He’s the only one I wanted to visit me in the hospital and take care of me. He did. I can’t explain how I can go to hate to love just like that but I do. Good and I are just too easy, effortless even but I don’t like it. My friend and I had a convo before about how we go after bad guys because the good guys are too easy. I’m conflicted because I care about good and evil a LOT. I have both of them calling me their girlfriend right now too. Evil knows about good but good doesn’t know I’ve been hanging out with evil again. He would be done with me in a second. But I have to be honest soon. Right now I’m just avoiding him. 

I have a lot of resentment toward him about a lot of things wrong like he doesn’t have a car and now that I moved I don’t live right down the street anymore. It’s frustrating any annoying and he said he knows it’s tearing us apart too. Plus he’s so young and impressionable. I just think I’m over it already but it’s so unfair to him because he’s done nothing but be there for me and do everything right. 

I’m just a horrible person right now. I’m still in a lot of pain from this infection I was in the hospital with on Tuesday. I can’t think straight. Anyway I just wanted to quickly post this because I’m with evil right now and he’s really pissing me off right now by ignoring me. Whatever. Okay I’m going to end here. I just need to think happy thoughts and stay positive. 

Sick

  
Sorry for the lack of updates. I was in the hospital for what I thought was another kidney infection like before but it turns out I never had a kidney infection before. It’s some other infection they don’t know what it is. I’m seeing a specialist Monday. I’ve also been conflicted with my relationship which I’ll blog about maybe tomorrow. It’s intense. Anyway, I have a job interview with Ford tomorrow where my dad works. Keep you fingers crossed!!!! 

  
 

Up before 9. WOW

It’s the coffee I’m telling ya. I’m supposed to be watching the girls today but they’re currently asleep at their friends house down the street. What will most likely happen is that they’ll wake up, come down here and change, eat, and go back down and play. This babysitting gig is easy when I don’t have the 3 year old. I just have 2 amazing little girls today! I also got a letter from the post office saying my mail forwarding went through and that’s great. I turned in the keys to my old place. BYE BYE BYE!

See you in court clown faces. They tried to change the court date on him and my (possible) attorney can’t make that date either, so now they’re even fighting about dates. This is fucking amazing. I did leave some stuff in my old place that I didn’t want anymore, and the power got kicked off before I could empty the fridge, so I left all THAT for them too. Plus my dog tore the fuck up out of my blinds and they’re scattered all over the floor, so I’d imagine the other attorney is going to try and seek damages for that too. Bitch, please.

I have a doctors appointment today to establish care with a new doctor. I’m pissed because I saw my old one for 20+ years, however it’s in the same practice. It’s all because I have new insurance. So I am having just a check up today. Then they want me to have another physical exam, even though I had one in February. Whatever insurance, your paying not me. Not my problem!

Ha memes are awesome for anything. For example:

Also, it’s Throwback Thursday, so this is pretty funny…

Or we even got stuff like this….

And if I had a job, or if you presently do, this is great too…

Anyway, what I wanted to talk about is deep. We learn everything from our families. Who we are as people, some of our values, others we develop on our own, but mostly our perception on relationships themselves. When you see your life as a kid through as an adult things start to make more sense. I realize that my problem with relationships come from my parents staying in an unhappy marriage for the sake of the kids, me and my sister. Worst mistake ever. I think they would have been much happier if they divorced at a young age they would be much happier people. But it made me not want to be in a relationship, or any sort of commitment which I posted about a few days ago. I’m lucky that’s the worst thing that happened to me because it’s emotionally scarring and damaging, and we carry it for the rest of our lives.

My friend recently told me a really saddening story about a guy she seeing. As a kid his mom sent him to live with his dad, then lived there for a few years, and sent him back to his moms for the summer, and didn’t talk to him for 10 years. I couldn’t believe how tragic that is. That’s a piece of you, your life. It explains so much about him though, and I tried to explain it to her. I can only assume that he thinks people are going to leave him out of the blue without warning. It’s hard for her because she can’t really get close to him because I’m sure he’s built this wall up since that happened as a kid and it’s going to take a lot to break down. Like I said we learn everything from our families, and then when we get with other people, we basically bring what we know into the relationship, although we have two totally different ideas of the concept of a relationship. Just like how my dad treated my mom like shit, I too chased after guys who treated me like shit. I didn’t even realize that’s a wall I had built up, and they were the wrong people so they never wanted to knock it down, just knock me down.

His walls are built up so high that she is having a hard time within their relationship because of this. I feel bad for my friend too because all she wants and deserves is love, affection, attention, support, and she can’t get that from him right now. All I can offer is my support to her and tell her these things myself, because she’s a wonderful person, and I really don’t think she gets the all the credit she deserves for everything she does, for pretty much everyone. I love you girl, you know I do. You’ll break through and I hope it turns into a wonderful thing, because you deserve it.

Well I suppose I should try to catch a shower sometime in here before these kiddos get home, although I would like to indulge in more coffee and cigarettes. Mneh, I’ll wait

I had my interview yesterday, and I think it went great. They went through a basic questionnaire with me, and I think I did really well. I had a hard time answering what my career path was. I wanted to be like look lady, I take shit one day at a time. I hustle, I can do websites, blogging, Google advertising all on the side, I can do any job in the corporate world, starting down from the bottom and working my way up. I love doing sales, and this job requires a lot of upselling which I’m good at and have always had to do, even back at my days working at Chili’s. Those people wanted us to upsell like everything. Jesus, if they want it they’ll order it. I still did it though cause it was my job, so a lot of people ate shit they didn’t want, but I made them want it.

I’m waiting to hear for a call back from the woman I originally talked to, and who called me for the interview. The person who interviewed me said that she was going to give the questionnaire to her, and she seemed to already like me over the phone. But then after that I got a little depressed getting my hopes up. Like why would they want me?

I put zero effort into finding this job, but it’s a good job and one I’d like to have so I really hope it does work out for me. They said it’s really similar to one of my previous jobs in how they’re setup, and well not to brag but I was the top sales agent there, with a 42′ flat screen and xBox 360 with Kinect to prove it mother fuckers. Basically my life is like this when I work:

Well followers and readers, keep your fingers and toes crossed for me. I’d cross my toes if I could but I just broke about 5 of them from moving. OH well. Let’s see where today’s discovery will take me… See you tomorrow or later. 🙂

A third interview?

Yup, apparently those still happen. They really narrowed down their search so I’m sure they want to find the best candidate. There is a lot of growth potential there too which is something you couldn’t dream of at the last place. I take that back, you could dream about it, but that’s about 

 

Listen dudes you’re not going to get promoted, you’re jokes, you suck at sales. When someone asks you a question, especially someone who genuinely doesn’t ask for much help, and the second you walk over to “their” desk to “help” fix “their”, you decide responding to a text message is MUCH more important. And it wasn’t anything to do with dealth, injury, illness, nothing, just BS. 

I could totally fight the loss of my job but instead I found this: 

  

Whoever plotted against me, whoever fucking hates me, good for you. I’m a good person. I may be narsasstic and spoiled and I own it. But I’m also smart as hell, I have an education, I’ve traveled the world, have had and will continue to have many wonderful and once in a life time opportunities. 

My haters are going here: