Unemployed life

This afternoon I totally blew off going to the secretary of state and decided to kick it with my bestie instead. She’s going through so much right now and I just wanted to be there for her in any way that I can. Today we enjoyed the nice spring day and the lovely trampoline her kiddos got for Christmas. It was so fun and carefree. We got this song stuck in our heads and listened to it a couple of times while jumping on the trampoline….

It was good to have a day like today.  A day to just forget all of our problems, worries, struggles and whatever else is going on and just enjoy the day. Plus being around kids does always cheer me up. (well, not all kids…some kids.) The way they see the world is so innocent and pure, it kind of makes you want to look at life the way they do sometimes. Am I getting to soft here? What the hell is going on?

I also finally got this today. My friend ordered them for us a while ago and she forgot to give mine to me. (If you are interested in these, or having something else made, please leave a comment and I will send you her contact information.)

I hung out with an old friend last night who was very helpful in this court battle I’m currently involved in. He gave me a lot of “inside” information on how I can make the other party responsible for damages without having to go to small claims court, but to make it part of his restitution instead. That way any money he receives becomes my money until I am whole again. That’s all I want is to be whole again. I’m leaving my feelings aside because they always complicate everything, and taking this approach will help me get over my feelings a lot faster.

I saw this quote today and realized that I don’t need to be careful around men, but with everyone. For some reason people just LOVE to fucking talk about me. I am questioning all of my friendships right now. It’s not easy for me to open up about certain things that happened in my life. It’s like a huge part of my life I don’t talk about to just anyone, but I almost feel sometimes that I’m lying to people because they don’t know that part of me. I feel like if everyone knew my past they might understand me a little better. People might also have a little bit of respect for all the things I’ve gone through and struggled with and I’m still living and breathing to tell the stories. I think whenever I do find my next job, and going forward, I’m going to be a lot more selective in who I talk to, if I choose to talk to anyone at all.

Anyway I don’t really have anything else to say right now. I’m tired and I want to catch up on my reality TV and sleep. I have to go to the secretary of state tomorrow for sure because my temporary plate expires tomorrow because of some ASSHOLE. Before I go, look how CUTE my baby looks in Hello Kitty!!!!!! 

Peace out bitches!

Sunday clarity

I woke up with a clear head this morning of what I need to do in order to move on with my life. Just simple, move on. Put the past in the past, life is a gift, which is why it’s called the present. I know that sounds cheesy as fuck, but it’s so true. I am tired of being hurt, then feeling sorry for myself. It’s just time to pick up and move the fuck on. I have to have faith that in the end this thing called KARMA will catch up to those that deserve it.

I’m smart, pretty, fun, with a good sense of humor, and I will always be ME. I have been feeling a lot more confident with myself, and my weight loss too, and I should embrace that. I shouldn’t feel like shit over something that happened in the past, and how totally fucked up and wrong it was on the other persons part. I need to stop trying to get into the other persons head. I’ll drive myself crazy trying to make sense of things that don’t make sense. They’re just wrong. I can’t justify something wrong into something right in my head.

I’m not the same person I was even a year ago. I was still really depressed over my weight gain, I didn’t feel pretty or confident. I didn’t want to go out or be seen, I didn’t want to go shopping to do anything to make myself seem attractive because I didn’t feel like it at all. Now I feel totally different, and I should celebrate my looks, embrace my life.

That’s right! 17 more days until April 29 in which I will be turning 29 years old. My golden birthday! (Your golden birthday is supposed to be your lucky year, when you turn your age on your birthdate.) I just have a lot of change going on right now in my life and it’s hard. I need a new job, a new man, new men, money, and just to be happy and carefee again. People like me, you wouldn’t ever think it’s hard for someone like me to open up, because I am (obviously) a very open book, but I don’t like NEW. I knew that I did need a new job however because I did NOT like the way things were going at my old job, the people, the stupid everyday bullshit, the unfairness, the pure disgust I have for other employees. Yeah. I’m glad I’m out. Other than for financial reasons.

I want to scream, cry, laugh, hide, run, play, all these different emotions at once. Some parts of my life I am totally content with, and right now I don’t know how I’m getting food, or my next rent check, or any of the other numerous bills that are stacking up right now, however I am taking it one fucking day at a time.

Anything further than that is too much. Even talking about this right now is starting to make me a little panic-y. Next subject.

I haven’t done laundry in about 2 weeks so later on I’m going to mosey on over to my mom’s house and get that done. I don’t know what else we’ll get into while I’m there but it’s always a blast, even if it’s a lazy Sunday doing laundry hanging out with our dogs. I’m glad I have a good relationship with my mom. ❤ It’s good to remind myself of all the GOOD things I have going on right now. Positive mindset.

Also, tonight is the premiere of the 7th and FINAL season of Nurse Jackie! I am so excited it’s back! I went back and caught up on the entire show in anticipation for the final season. I can’t wait to see how they spin this.

Tune in tonight at 9 PM! If you don’t have Showtime they’re offering a free week this week. (At least for Comcast subscribers) Also, don’t I have the cutest dog ever???

Fail

Today I was supposed to have a totally productive day and get all this shit done and did I? Nope. My day feels kind of like:

In the meantime I did manage to lose my phone, just another disaster after another I guess with me. I keep on making mistakes left and right that I know will bite me in the ass but, for some reason I just don’t care? I’m not sure. Maybe too much positivity?

(Being the ADHD person that I am, I stepped away from the computer and came back a little bit later which I often do when I write my blogs.) Oh well my phone has been found. It was in the rain ALL DAY. So I freak out thinking out shit another thing I am going to have to pay for right? NOPE. SO FUCKING LUCKY. This $1 case I bought on eBay from some random country in Asia was worth it. Just a flimsy ass piece of plastic. I put stickers on it and rip them off to jazz the case up but you get the point:

Perhaps all that positivity I was just saying might be too much is actually helping. Karma in a good way. Oh so anyway, the shit I was supposed to do today I’m going to do it tomorrow. I stayed out late last night and I shouldn’t have. Especially when it’s the one night I have something to do in the morning, while I don’t have a job and I completely just failed. Oh well, it’s not like these fuckers are getting their money any way. So what if it’s late? I’m paying the mother fucking $35 late fee in escrow, bitch! It’s just buying me time really.

Anyway I was supposed to hang out with an old friend tonight but I totally bailed. Maybe because I haven’t showered or am still wearing my makeup from yesterday and give 0 fucks about today? Part of me is just a little scared to open up this box because I know it’s trouble considering the circumstances under which we met. But I am not like most people. Anyone with a mental illness knows this. We just don’t meet nice people, and fall in love, and everything’s perfect. Or maybe I just haven’t found the right one who understands my craziness? Until then, I seek out crazy.

Saying it, well, typing it, I guess makes it sound like wow, why am I doing this but none of it is ever meant to go anywhere. But he and i have stayed in contact since this incident which happened a couple years ago. Minimal contact, but contact. We haven’t actually seen each other, just spoken to each other online and on the phone. I actually talked to his mom once too, oops. Anyway, I bailed on him today because I know I have to get this shit done in the morning and if I hang out with him, I won’t. I know myself too fucking well. So possibly tomorrow night? We shall see.

I know he really needs some positive influence in his life, and I was once that for him and I hope I still can be. So that’s what I’m hoping we can still have. I see him, and this other guy just making careless mistakes that keep getting them in trouble. I feel bad. It’s like I want to help.

Anyway, my mom was nice enough to say home from work today so I’d have a place to go while they worked on my house. The guy was super cute and I felt totally embarrassed answering the door in my PJ’s which I realized was a see through zebra zip up and I had a hot pink lace sports bra underneath and leggings. I bet he was really happy to see that. I guess I shouldn’t have slept soooooooo late. Oops. He probably thinks I’m a total slut because I have handcuffs on my nightstand. A little child gave them to me at a kids birthday party without me knowing (he put them in my purse) and I found them the next day. This is where I decided they should go. Hey, you never know 😉

(Sidenote: Yes, that is duck tape. I “refinished” them. They look awesome.)

Also, my mom got me these super cute Hello Kitty hair clips. Score!

I think someone is exhausted from playing with Mr. Big today. She literally dragged me up the porch of my mom’s house today because she was so excited. She is so fucking strong it’s redic. I had to jump like 4 stairs in flip flops with this dog on a leash carrying my huge ass purse and my laptop case. Whew! Taking her anywhere is such a task because she gets so excited and she’s so strong. She definitely works us both out!

Okay so tomorrow is Wednesday. I’ll try and get my shit together. *Sigh* I have to babysit tomorrow, I forgot. Shit. Even though my IPhone reminded me like hours ago. I still forgot. And it’s on like 3 calendars. I’m such a space cadet. I need to get off the internet.

Update 11:40 PM:

 

A third interview?

Yup, apparently those still happen. They really narrowed down their search so I’m sure they want to find the best candidate. There is a lot of growth potential there too which is something you couldn’t dream of at the last place. I take that back, you could dream about it, but that’s about 

 

Listen dudes you’re not going to get promoted, you’re jokes, you suck at sales. When someone asks you a question, especially someone who genuinely doesn’t ask for much help, and the second you walk over to “their” desk to “help” fix “their”, you decide responding to a text message is MUCH more important. And it wasn’t anything to do with dealth, injury, illness, nothing, just BS. 

I could totally fight the loss of my job but instead I found this: 

  

Whoever plotted against me, whoever fucking hates me, good for you. I’m a good person. I may be narsasstic and spoiled and I own it. But I’m also smart as hell, I have an education, I’ve traveled the world, have had and will continue to have many wonderful and once in a life time opportunities. 

My haters are going here: