Sunday clarity

I woke up with a clear head this morning of what I need to do in order to move on with my life. Just simple, move on. Put the past in the past, life is a gift, which is why it’s called the present. I know that sounds cheesy as fuck, but it’s so true. I am tired of being hurt, then feeling sorry for myself. It’s just time to pick up and move the fuck on. I have to have faith that in the end this thing called KARMA will catch up to those that deserve it.

I’m smart, pretty, fun, with a good sense of humor, and I will always be ME. I have been feeling a lot more confident with myself, and my weight loss too, and I should embrace that. I shouldn’t feel like shit over something that happened in the past, and how totally fucked up and wrong it was on the other persons part. I need to stop trying to get into the other persons head. I’ll drive myself crazy trying to make sense of things that don’t make sense. They’re just wrong. I can’t justify something wrong into something right in my head.

I’m not the same person I was even a year ago. I was still really depressed over my weight gain, I didn’t feel pretty or confident. I didn’t want to go out or be seen, I didn’t want to go shopping to do anything to make myself seem attractive because I didn’t feel like it at all. Now I feel totally different, and I should celebrate my looks, embrace my life.

That’s right! 17 more days until April 29 in which I will be turning 29 years old. My golden birthday! (Your golden birthday is supposed to be your lucky year, when you turn your age on your birthdate.) I just have a lot of change going on right now in my life and it’s hard. I need a new job, a new man, new men, money, and just to be happy and carefee again. People like me, you wouldn’t ever think it’s hard for someone like me to open up, because I am (obviously) a very open book, but I don’t like NEW. I knew that I did need a new job however because I did NOT like the way things were going at my old job, the people, the stupid everyday bullshit, the unfairness, the pure disgust I have for other employees. Yeah. I’m glad I’m out. Other than for financial reasons.

I want to scream, cry, laugh, hide, run, play, all these different emotions at once. Some parts of my life I am totally content with, and right now I don’t know how I’m getting food, or my next rent check, or any of the other numerous bills that are stacking up right now, however I am taking it one fucking day at a time.

Anything further than that is too much. Even talking about this right now is starting to make me a little panic-y. Next subject.

I haven’t done laundry in about 2 weeks so later on I’m going to mosey on over to my mom’s house and get that done. I don’t know what else we’ll get into while I’m there but it’s always a blast, even if it’s a lazy Sunday doing laundry hanging out with our dogs. I’m glad I have a good relationship with my mom. ❤ It’s good to remind myself of all the GOOD things I have going on right now. Positive mindset.

Also, tonight is the premiere of the 7th and FINAL season of Nurse Jackie! I am so excited it’s back! I went back and caught up on the entire show in anticipation for the final season. I can’t wait to see how they spin this.

Tune in tonight at 9 PM! If you don’t have Showtime they’re offering a free week this week. (At least for Comcast subscribers) Also, don’t I have the cutest dog ever???