Rant about my feelings

I have this job, right? I should feel grateful. But I’m not. It’s not a challenge. It’s too easy and it doesn’t motivate me. I’m constantly getting called off, I can’t make all the money that I need to. So I applied for a bunch of other jobs today. Mostly as a receptionist. I really enjoyed my work when I worked as a receptionist in a doctor’s office. So that’s what I applied for, about 15 times. I hope something pans out. I really can’t take this anymore. I NEED A FUCKING CHALLENGE. My job is so fucking repetitive.  Summary of what I do at work, even when I am doing shit:

Also, another thing happened. I found out my ex (evil) has been home, blocked me on Facebook, and won’t talk to me for some reason. It really hurts my heart. I mean, we haven’t talked in over 3 months, so it really shouldn’t bother me, but I obviously still care. I didn’t even realize he was home until I saw his mom picture some Christmas family photos on Facebook the other day. I had been texting his mom the last couple of days (prior to me seeing this picture) then today I sent her a message letting her know I know he doesn’t want to see or talk to me. She said she hasn’t been able to message me because she’s been so busy at work and working long hours. (She does retail stuff, so I know she’s telling the truth) She told me that he was supposed to block everyone on Facebook that had anything to do with drugs. I brought up the fact that his friend asked me if I heard from him. He said he didn’t hear from evil since last week. She said he should’ve blocked him too. I said, well he blocked me and I don’t have anything to do with drugs, and I’ve been sober for 95 days. That I miss him so much, and it breaks my heart.

I just told her after all this time, I thought he’d want to see me. I have waited so long to talk or see him. Wishful thinking.

Anyway, I have to go to the dentist today. My teeth have really been bothering me. I haven’t been to the dentist in forever. I can’t believe I let my teeth get this bad, considering I am obsessed with teeth. In active addiction, we let things get away from us, mostly health things. So, I let this shit get away from me for wayyy to long. So they’re going to fill my cavities first, then they’re going to do a cleaning. I’m going to make sure they gas me up!!!

I really can’t believe Christmas is next week. It’s also going to be 60 degrees. I can’t believe it.

I just really hope I get over this feeling of loss and rejection. Meanwhile, I have a friend who just broke up with his girlfriend, keeps relapsing on alcohol, and thinks he likes me, and keeps asking me on dates. I told him I can’t be around him if he’s going to drink, and he knows that. But he said he misses me, and all he wants to do is take me out. No sex (although he’s been asking for that too.) I really have no idea what I’m supposed to do. My feelings are so conflicted. Plus, I feel kind of bad because my ex (good) will not talk to me. He went missing a couple of weeks ago, and I freaked out and I’ll I’ve been wanting to do is talk to him about it because when his mom called to see if he was with me, she said he’s been really depressed. I just wanted to make sure he was okay, but of course he will not talk to me because he hates my fucking guts.

It’s like everything I touch, I infect. Then they hate me. I’m no good. A lot of this started off when I was an addict, then all the bullshit still followed me after I got sober. All the lies I told, all the stupid things I did, I can’t change the past, I can only grow and learn from it.

I’m still conversing with evil’s mom. She said that he talks about me often, but she thinks he’s embarrassed because he doesn’t think he’s capable of change. He’s afraid to leave the house, and the only time he ever leaves is he sometimes goes to work with his brother. I told her I have nothing but unconditional love for him, always. I’ll never give up on him. She said she will talk to him when she gets home, she’s hoping that’ll be around 4:00. (Of course I’ll still be at the dentist) I told her I will be there, but I’d be more than happy to come over after that and see him. I just hope he agrees.

So, everyone…. fingers crossed. For a bunch of things. That I find a new job soon, that evil maintains his sobriety, that I get a chance to see him, and he still cares about me.

Rant of frustration

My roommate spends most of her time with her boyfriend who lives two houses away. Yesterday she happened to be home and realized there’s no toilet paper in the house. I took her to the store and got get shut for the house. All I wanted for myself were these Popsicles. Her kids ate them all and said mom is going to pay you back. She throws it up in my face that I ate two things of hers. Perhaps I should take back all the pop I bought that she’s been drinking, the coffee and toilet paper too. I said dont worry, I’ll go back and replace more items for your home. 

I can’t move home with my dad unless I get rid of maizy. Not happening. So I’m stuck here. Every night she sleeps at her mans house and locks get two cats in my living area (the basement) where they torture my dog, claw my furniture and I have to sleep with my door closed bc they come in my room in the night and knock shit over or attack me. Not to mention their litter box is in my bathroom, she never cleans it, they shit all over the floor. She keep saying she will move it but she never does. Her AC is broken, washer is broken, but since she can just go to her man’s house it doesn’t bother her. The first week I moved in the power got shut off bc she owed so much on it. Now it’s in my name and she hasn’t paid on it. I had to pay my portion and her portion of our Internet bill, but still give her $20 for rent. But she didn’t pay the DTE bill. 

The reason I wanted to move is because this is my best friend of 25 years and I don’t want living together to ruin our friendship. She wants me to pay for a pair of underwear my dog chewed through but seems to forget her cat chewed through a pair of $300 coach shoes she borrowed. That’s another thing. She keeps borrowing my stuff and not returning it, but keeps wearing it instead. Half of the time when I borrow something, I give it back dirty otherwise they’ll never get it back. She has some of my favorite  leggings and I’m very over protective of them because they’re unique. 

It’s hard for us to sit down and talk this out because she’s never here! 

Today I’m going for over to evils house. I’m going with his parents to take to a psychiatric hospital to get assessed to see if they’ll take him or not. I found the hospital and it’s one of the best in the country. Then after that he’s entering a long term inpatient drug treatment program  . So he will be off getting better for a while. This will give me a chance credit to go into my new job with a clear head and focus. 

I’ve been practicing my conservative makeup look since that’s what they want at this job. I’m chain smoking and slamming down coffee like it’s my job God damn. I have to get in the shower but there’s about 5 little kids sleeping in my living room in giant tents so this is going to be fun. 

Before I go, here’s a pic of Maizy in the morning since she can’t have coffee. Maybe I’ll give her a treat. 

   
 

When it rains, it pours, and rips off your bumper.

FUCK. 

I was driving home in a really bad storm where I could barely see. iAds a turn and didn’t see a curb and must’ve turned over it. It was raining so hard on the freeway that I couldn’t hear it dragging the entire time. It was about 20 miles. Yeah so I also have a job interview tomorrow and don’t even know how bad the damage is. The little guard underneath the front bumper is bent underneath the car. I already fucked that thing up last winter and got it fixed in the spring. I’m legally blind. (most of you mother fuckers claim to be “blind” because your glasses are sooooo thick. Well mine is -11.50. Anyone who knows what that means and tries to tell me how bad theirs are, it’s usually like a fucking -3.0 or some shit. Side rant) I shouldn’t have driven home in the first place with the horrible rain and my eye sight. This just pisses me off, I have an interview tomorrow!! As usual I called my dad and he’s going to come over in the morning and assess the damage. I couldn’t really see how bad it was because its dark and raining. I tried to pull it and it’s totally jammed up under my car. Fuck fuck fuckidy fuck fuck. I was shaking the whole way home too. Just a nervous wreck on the road. The windshield wiper speed on my car is like too slow too. I asked the dealership to adjust it and they said it would be a modification to the car and break my lease. My car is only a 2013 Ford Focus. You’d think a newer car with all the gizmos and gadgets in that mother fucker would have windshield wipers that go fast and actually block the rain while driving. It’s a fucking safety hazard obviously in which I was a victim to tonight.
I got a OCD and changed all my contacts on my iPhone to different hello kitties that represent each person with corresponding emojis. 

  
It’s still thundering really bad and shaking the entire house. I’m in the basement and can still feel it

I should really get to bed so I can wake up and have my dad look at my car. I’m going to finish the Wolf of Wallsteet since I started watching it earlier. 

I hung out with evil today and did laundry at his house. I had to go to court for him on Friday. He ended up spending the night in jail, so when he came out I went over there because his mom called and said I was the only person he wanted to see. Then this afternoon we hung out and ran some errands while I did my laundry at his house. I’m just comfortable doing it over there. His mom likes me and it wasn’t awkward. 

I also got harassed by evils ex after court. I just told her by the way she was typing she’s so dumb and I don’t understand what she’s saying, so she should stop embarrassing herself. I may have mentioned it has something to do with her not finishing high school. She’s trying to ruin his life so I feel like I have to help him. He told me he loves me. I know it must’ve been really hard for him to tell me that because he hates talking about his feelings. So that just threw me off balance completely. What do you say? What do you do? I can’t have two people telling me they love me (the two I refer to as good and evil) and I’m just frozen. I hate emotions and had them shut off for YEARS and totally detached from everything emotionally for a long tnme. I didn’t realize I was capable of turning my feelings on or off until now. Because I’m doing it. It’s going to explode in my face so I know I’m going to sabotage this anyway. It’s like eh, whatever. I need to teach myself not to detach and ruin a good thing because I have a fear of commitment. Okay I guess I really needed to blog today. 

Here’s some stuff I saved that makes me LOL. The second one is what my BFF sent to me.    

   

Do I ever make the right decision?

Answer….

Am I surprised? No. This nice man who cares about me, and truly could be something real, but I don’t know if I am ready to go down that path just got back from vacation. However, the entire time he was gone I reconnected with my ex who, over the course of the day, made me realize i made the wrong decision on who I chose. He doesn’t tell me how beautiful I smell, or how pretty I am constantly. He doesn’t love looking into my eyes, or he enjoy being around me. I have that with someone else and I’m afraid to proceed because I feel like there is something bad lurking around the corner. Truth is, I’m already around the corner and there’s something bad here. I just don’t know how I can be so stupid. I love to ruin good things. It’s just what I’m good at.

I automatically assume something work out with the age issue, but really, it’s only me who has the problem with it. But I feel that I’m too fucked up of a person to be deserving of someone who doesn’t deserve to deal with any of my bullshit. My freak outs, my insecurities, my constant need for affection and attention. But he wants to do those things for me, without asking. I almost question it because I feel does he really feel this way? How could someone feel this way about me. ME. I am just too out there. He’s so not. That’s why I feel like I belong with these people who are out there, and fucked up like me. But I know that’s not all I’m capable getting, and I sure as shit don’t want to settle for being with someone who makes me miserable.

I just want to be sun shines and unicorns and back to my happy, care free life. Not worried about when someone is going to pass out in my bed and if they might not even wake up. I’m not deserving of good. I’m on the phone with the nice man ass the other is passed out in my bed. I can’t believe I am even still writing about this, or even at all. But this is where I come to get my thoughts out, and well here are my thoughts. It’s a fucked up web that I’ve weaved. Maybe I’m the black widow inside that kills everything that tries to get in my web, whether it be good or back.

This has to me my outlook….

Moving update breakdown rant

So I got all the stuff loaded in the uhaul today for the most part. However now I’m at my new destination with nothing ready and all my shit sitting in a truck in the driveway. This is what anxiety feels like. You know how you just get pumped and want to do everything all at once? Well life had other plans in store. So now, I wait. I wait with anxiety because even though I am SOOOO glad to be here and out of my old home, I guess I just needed someone’s support. I didn’t have it. I guess that’s what growing up is. Dealing with your own shit without any help or guidance from anyone. I’m such an anxious person though, ESPECIALLY when it comes to my stuff. My whole fucking home is sitting in a uhaul truck in the driveway, along with a bunch of random ass shit in the basement. I was just so ready to go on my end and I just have to wait now. It’s like a carrot being dangled in front of my nose. Sometimes I know I am bossy and I want things my way but right now I feel like I’m going out of my fucking mind doing this waiting game. I’m always there to help out everyone. I’m not saying I do it so they will help me out later in life. I was making a statement. I make sure my friends are taken care of like mentally. You know? No one has given two shits about my life or my decisions or even fucking asked me how I feel. Perhaps it’s because I put on a hard front and I will never admit to being a softie, but I geninuely care for people when they are in my life. I’m so selective on who I keep in my life too. I cut myself off emotionally for so many years that I totally let my guard down with the wrong man, who ended up making me feeling broken all over again. The point is I love hard, and I make sure people remember that I was there when this crazy fucked up shit happened to them. It’s almost like I’m everyone’s fucking punching bag. I’m never allowed to fall apart though. As soon as I start breaking down I break the fuck down, hardcore. Hence why I’m blogging probably. It’s the only place where my thoughts are mine alone and I can have them because I’m entitled to them. There’s no one to tell me what I’m thinking is wrong, I’m being a bitch or a baby. It’s just me and my thoughts. I know people appreciate me, but do they? Or is that apporeciation a form of using me? Because sometimes that’s all I feel people do to me. They use me for whatever they need me for no questions asked, but when I need something, I get the response of figure it out or stop being a baby. That’s why I feel like maybe this is the most alone or rather grown up I’ve ever felt. I’ve just had to deal. Freak out a lot, then try and deal again. The lack of motivation I’ve had leading up to this is unreal. Being bipolar, having insomnia, anxiety and ADHD has been such a bitch to me when it came to packing up my house. I still have to go back and do more stuff tomorrow. But the fact that it’s just all this wasted time. My friend that I’m moving in with had to work an event for a few hours but in that time I literally feel so anxious, out of my comfort zone. I’ve stayed here a bizillion times but now it’s my house too and the fact that I have to wait to do anything is a fucking drag. Like I said before, I will do whatever I can for you when you need me. My friends don’t even ask because I step in to fix it. But like I said I don’t do it because I expect people to return it, but damn it would be really fucking nice if someone came through like that when I need them. Maybe I was so hyped and energized to do this earlier and now I want to give up before anything even began. I don’t like having to rely on others because everyone always lets me down. But I physically can’t do thus all, and I’m not even supposed to be lifting anything heavy because of my health problems. Well that all went to hell today and I flipped my furniture out of that POS place and I am going crazy wanting to do 84939 at once. I just for once wanted everything to go smoothly but who the fuck am I kidding? I just wanted that serenity that I never got living in my old home because there were constantly bad and nasty things happening there, or things breaking. I never truly enjoyed it because there was always something wrong. Now I find out the place was never legal with the city, my furnace wasn’t approved by the city. All the money in rent and DTE I paid I am legally entitled to get that money back. That however doesn’t include damages. Collecting rent on a unit that the city says isn’t legal. They served me with court papers to appear on Wednesday. This is my eviction hearing. I don’t see the point in going considering I’m not fighting to stay. Before that I was given a notice to pay or get out by June 12. I agreed, but get served with papers to appear in court June 10. This makes no sense. I can’t believe it’s going on 8:00 PM and I’m just supposed to sit here. I want to cry right now but I am watching these 2 little girls who almost saw me break down earlier, so I have to act like an adult here and keep my composure. I just keep going back to my thought about how I can do anything for anyone, whenever, whatever it is. My mom always said it doesn’t matter where you go, people will always be assholes. I guess it’s true. Everyone just looks out for themselves and doesn’t care who they hurt when someone gets in their way. I look out for myself, and others, and I make sure I don’t hurt anyone if they got in my way. I know a lot of what I talk about on here has a lot to do with mental illness and it’s really, really, really eating me away inside right now with my anxiety. My friend keeps saying it’ll be done, but really, what the fuck does it matter if it’s done or not? Obviously it doesn’t if this is how important it was for me to move today. See, now I’m starting to point fingers. My anxiety sometimes come out in the form of anger, and I feel bad for those who are around in my moments like this. I don’t try to act like a super bitch. but it’s all that I feel, so that’s what comes out. I knew this would end up being a rant. I haven’t posted in a while, and this really is the only “person” I can share my thoughts with without being cut off or looked at like I’m crazy. I’m just allowed to think what I want and put it out there. I know there are a lot of new things on the horizon, and I’m in for a change. I need that. It’s what I want right now. Living by myself is absolutely great because I never have to share a thing or be annoyed by another persons whatever, but it’s lonely. I know that if there was ever a person I could actually live with, I’d be her because we’ve known each other forever. We know the quirks, boundaries, limits, and ultimately want to use this experience together to just enjoy life, and the summer, be carefree. I can’t get past how I’m usually the last on people’s list though. Some friends and family members have told me to keep my distance from one friend or another because of all the bullshit I tell them. but for some reason I never listen to what anyone else has to say about my relationship with someone is. I have relationships and friendships on my time, based on my judgement. I tend to look at everyone for the good in what they have in them. It’s bitten me a lot in the ass lately in terms of relationships because although I knew the person had a good heart, they had bad intentions. Back to having those blinders on again. I just give 100% or none at all. Right now it feels like I’m giving my 100% and making smarter, better decisions, yet no one in my support system is here to help, or even say it’s going to be okay. TOO MANY THOUGHTS INSIDE YOUR OWN HEAD IS EVER A GOOD THING. That’s all I’ve had is thoughts running through my head. making me even more anxious. Great, someone else who was a potential help now can’t get a ride out here. I kind of just lost it with him on the phone and I didn’t mean to take it out on him but at this point I feel really used, alone, anxious, and I can’t do anything about it. I’m frozen. I have no where to move my things, or a way to move them. Right now I want to cry in my bed right now BUT I can’t because my bed is in a truck. Like, I don’t know I get anxious about my things and now that they’re everywhere I can’t even focus. I don’t like being disorganized. I like knowing where all my things are, and having my sanctuary of being able to decorate, and lay in my bed, and I don’t have this right now. I don’t know why I keep thinking that anyone is going to come to my rescue. I don’t know why I ever thought trying to arrange this move in this way would possibly be a good idea, considering my living space isn’t really livable right now. I just wanted everything about the last few months and where I was living to be gone, and finally I think I’m getting there and I’m not. It’s just a lot to take in all at once and when you have person after person bail on you. I feel like my mood has been ruined for the next couple of days. My OCD and ADHD are in overdrive, not to mention my anxiety which no doubt will lead to insomnia. I doubt I’ll be sleeping tonight. I have way too much on my mind, and as of right now no where to currently sleep.

If you stuck around to read this entire rant, congratulations! It was a long one. I never go back and proof read, I always put down my first initial thought and leave it alone. It’s quite possible I typed the same sentence over and over again during this entire blog without realizing it. Oh well. It’s now 8:35. I started at 7:40. That’s an hour of ranting about my anxiety on this blog. So cheers to you that made it. Sorry I’m so fucked up today.

Update: 9:12 pm and currently getting dark out moving furniture supposedly tonight like this. It just doesn’t feel right and no sleep with crazy anxiety is the worst combo. I am just over it. This is just not how I wanted or expected things to go or be. Drugs sound amazing and counterproductive. 

Mother’s Day & life

Happy Mother’s Day to all of you mothers out there! Especially to my mom who is my best friend in the entire world! Here’s a selfie I forced her to take with me (she didn’t want to because she said she looked like shit) then edited it all cute and stuff for her.

I also kind of celebrated Mother’s Day a little myself. NO! NOT LIKE THAT! As of November I became a doggy mommy to Maizy. She is such an amazing dog companion to have since I’ve been out on my own. I’ve always wanted a dog growing up but my dad would never let is. She claimed this unicorn pillow of mine as hers now, which is cute by itself since I love unicorns too AND because she NEVER EVER rips up all my stuffed animals and stuff. But the even cuter thing is that she will carry it from whatever room its in, come into my room when I’m about to go to sleep, and she’ll get on her doggy bed at the foot of my bed and snuggle up with her unicorn pillow. If it’s already in my room and she wants to sleep in the living room she will carry it out there too. It’s SO FUCKING CUTE. How could I possibly be pissed about that? Plus it was a gift I got from my “Secret Santa” thing we did at work this past Christmas. Here’s my baby on her bed with her unicorn.

It didn’t even really occur to me that I’m technically a mom (doggy moms count!) until a “friend” surprised me with a couple little Hello Kitty things he saw. I thought it was incredibly sweet and thoughtful, and of course totally unexpected. (On the left is a little notebook and on the right is a change purse/wallet wristlet)

Now the reason why I quoted “friend” like that is because that’s what we are for sure, but we also have feelings for each other as well. Considering what I just went through, and what I’m STILL going through legally with my ex, I really can’t offer more than that right now. We have a past. Even though most of you don’t know me personally, and just a few of you that read this actually know me outside the internet world, there are certain things I don’t like to talk about regarding some things about my past. I’m an open book about 98% of the time, but there are a couple things I don’t necessarily hide, but I don’t like to bring it up either.

The reason why I am explaining all of this to you is because the circumstances in which we met are pretty fucked up. We met almost 2 years ago when we were in both really bad places in our lives mentally, so there was that immediate connection. We found out that we have a shit load of stuff in common, and we were attracted to each other physically as well. We were never more than just friends back then, and after a while we were barely that. I knew he was in very rocky relationship with someone I knew he wasn’t happy with, but decided to stay with her because they have a kid together. I could understand why she might be a little upset that he was talking to me, but that’s ALL we were doing is talking. We were just talking about our life problems, and it was finally nice for both of us to confide all of our bullshit into someone new, and someone who understood what its like.

We ended up stop talking completely out of no where, and I automatically knew it was due to her insecurities. He recently told me that she actually wrote out all this mean stuff she wanted him to say to me over the phone so it would hurt my feelings so bad that I would hate him for saying it and never speak to him again. He obviously never did it. The fact that someone would go to that far was enough for him to realize she didn’t like it, and he was doing whatever he could to make it work because of his son, he just decided to stop talking to me. It was easier that way.

Well let’s fast forward to present day. We recently got in touch again about a month ago. He was once again in a really bad place mentally, and we kind of just started talking again like we used to. He told me before that he’s always respected me because of something else in my past I overcame, and said that he even looks up to me in a way which is why he turned to me for help. Given what I just went through these last couple of months being with a guy who constantly gets into trouble reallyyyyyyy made it hard to me to actually hang out with him. He has a past with the law too, and has gotten into a lot of trouble, but I guess I see through it. With the last guy I saw through all his troubles too and saw the good person he really is, but I was blinded. I’m thinking it’s because he was the first guy I’ve dated since 2007. YES TWO THOUSAND AND FUCKING SEVEN. So, I let things go.

Now I learned my lesson, the hard way of course, but I learned it. Now I can see the good in this guy, not judge him because of his past, but the blinders are off and my guard is way the fuck up. Another thing that is also very different is the last guy and I didn’t know each other previously, we just met at a bar. This guy now I have known and been friends with for a couple of years. The last guy made me feel like a fucking fool after everything was said and done. How could I let this guy get me so caught up? Lesson learned, and from now on, I’m doing this….

I even find myself not making definite plans with him for anything because that fear of commitment is screaming loud as fuck at me. I finally told him that I can’t & won’t get too far ahead with whatever is going on between us, even when it comes to making simple plans for something. I get anxiety even when he talks about making any sort of upcoming plans. For example, DEMF (Detroit Electronic Music Festival AKA Techno Fest) is coming up on Memorial Day weekend. He was talking to one of my good friends about it and they decided we should all go. I won’t give him a straight answer. Even though I am like 99% sure I will end up going, I just can’t say yes.

I know I’m not the only one because my friend said she feels like this too. But sometimes when I make plans ahead of time, I feel like they are destined to go wrong. Actually now that I think about it, I know for a fucking FACT I’m not the only one who feels this way. Ever hear of this thing called MURPHY’S LAW? Well in case you haven’t, you can click that link and go to the Wikipedia page and read all about it. If you happened to be one of those people that actually click on it, I just have one question for you. Have you been hiding under a rock your whole life? How have you never heard of Murphy’s Law? Anyway, off topic.

For Mother’s Day I was invited by his mom to go out to dinner with his mom, step dad, brother and sister. She absolutely loves me because she knows I’ve always been a positive influence on him and she knows I can actually get through to him, whereas she can’t. His brother and sister didn’t even bring their significant others, and I’m technically not even a significant other. LOL After that I went out to eat with my mommy at our favorite Mexican place that’s right at the end of my street. Well she ate & drank, I just drank since I already ate. Every time I see my mom she always has goodies for me. Here’s what she had for me today.

 This is some Hello Kitty party decoration kit. Yeah it’s not my birthday anymore, but it doesn’t say HAPPY BIRTHDAY on it or anything, it just says PARTY which I’m always down for. I can’t wait to hang it up. (I know….pics or it didn’t happen. Stay tuned for that.)

Next is this cute ass strapless floral dress. I typically don’t wear strapless dresses because they require strapless bras (which I hate) and I always just end up pulling it up all night. Well this one is SUPER awesome because it has a built in push up bra already sewn in mother fuckers.

Then she got me a pair of Kate Spade socks. (Yes, I’m aware that I’m spoiled but my mother has made me this way.) I personally would never spend that kind of money on a pair of designer socks, but I didn’t have to. Next to it is a Hello Kitty bracelet that had interchangeable charms! Weeee!

I really didn’t mean for this post to be a huge rant (hence why I had to add “& life” in the title after Mother’s Day) but since I haven’t done a REAL post in a while, there was a lot that needed to be said. I still have more things I need to post about like what happened in court with my ex, what’s happening with my living situation, what’s happening with my landlord fixing my house and being a douche, being unemployed. So yeah, expect a lot of that coming ahead in the near future to a computer screen near you. Ha. You like whatI did there? 😉

It took me so wrong to finish this post that it’s now after midnight on the east coast and technically no longer mothers day. Oh well. My “friend” is going to stay the night tonight because my landlord scheduled for someone to come by between 10-12 tomorrow to inspect my furnace and get its permit. I want him to be here because he knows more about this shit than I do. He actually asked my permission if it was okay for him to go to the casino with his brother tonight. I obviously don’t give a shit so I told him I would wait up for him. What I really meant to say is no I don’t mind but I’m not going to wait up so when you get here you can try calling, but just knock really hard so Maizy will hear you and bark like a mother fucker and wake my ass up. While I’m waiting I’m going to do my nails since they’re horrible. I saw a commercial the other day for a bunch of new nail colors Revlon came out with and was totally obsessed with this one color I saw, but knew it would be about $10 a the store. I decided to pop over to Sally’s Beauty Supply and see if they had any similar colors and sure enough they did. Here’s the color I’m talking about. (If you’ve seen the Revlon commercial, I think it’s almost identical)

Well kiddos, that’s it for me. All you working stiffs out there good luck to you tomorrow/today. (Depending on where your reading from, time zones and shit) Monday’s are the worstttttttttt. I am a tad bit jealous I can’t hate Mondays right now because I don’t have a job, but I’m pretty sure once I get one I’ll regret ever saying that. Keep it real ninjas.

Update: finished product 

  

Second update:

  

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

Jack Johnson really had it right when he wrote that song. There’s one thing you must know about me. I HATE WAITING ON PEOPLE. I had to post for two reasons. One because I’m pissed I’m waiting on someone to come home.

Second, MY INTERNET HAS BEEN RESTORED!

My sister and I were kind of arguing so I made up with her, so my heart feels a little lighter because of that. Plus I have amazing girlfriends that I can call and be like. What the fuck are we bitching about? We’re awesome! This, this, this, and this may suck, but there’s always a thunderstorm before a rainbow. Right, bitches?

(What, I couldn’t put a regular rainbow in there. I googled “trippy rainbows”)

So I guess that’s it for me. I can’t think of anything else to post. I think I’ll let song lyrics will let take over my thoughts.

One other thing to add… here’s the weather forecast for metro Detroit this week. EEEEE!