Blahhh

My dog decided to jump on my bed at 4:00 this morning. She thought it was time to wake up and play. This is not what I wanted when I have a 10 hour work day ahead of me. Oh Maizy, you’re so crazy. 

Nothing really new has been going on with me. I decided to meet a guy off a dating site. He was nice, but I don’t think it’s going to work out. We might hang out this weekend, I’m not sure. This weekend my dad is going out of town so I’ll have the house to myself. Thank god. Sometimes it’s just so nice to be home alone. 

I need to start working on saving my money. After my dad blowing up at me yesterday like I’m 12 years old again, I’ve realized I need to get a game plan in order so I can move out. I can’t stand living here anymore and unless I start planning and saving, it’s not going to happen. I need to start making more money. 

I wish I still had my old place. Even with all the shitty things I had to deal with, at least I had my own place. Somewhere I could go and do whatever I wanted. However, thats how I fell off track and got into drugs pretty badly. Maybe I’m not ready to live on my own again. I don’t have much impulse control. 

I have been really responsible about making sure I take my Meds again. I’ve been staying on a pretty regular schedule as far as sleep goes. Except for today because my dog woke me up. That little stinker.

Also, at work yesterday we were doing our fall schedule. I got suckered into working every Saturday and having Friday’s off. I’m indifferent about it right now. I know it’ll be fine for a while but I’m not sure how much I’ll like it later. I told them I want at least 1 Saturday off a month. That’s the deal. My coworker was so happy I decided to do it so he didn’t have to. I feel like it’s whatever. I’ll do it until I don’t want to anymore. Saturday’s are a pretty easy day. I get to take all the leads, all the phone calls. Plus my boss isn’t there. Also, FREE FOOD. 

Plus I only work with one other person and they leave an hour before I do. My last hour of work I usually just watch Netflix. That’s what I did yesterday too. Since it was the last day of the month, no one called, they all just came in. If you’re in the market for a new vehicle, the closer to the end of the month the better. I call people with incentives and as the year goes on, the incentives get better and better as well. Just a handy tip! 

Ahhh im so hungry and I’m broke as a joke. The only thing I can afford today is a pack of smokes and a Gatorade. I’ve actually cut back on pop and only drink diet Gatorade now. My Meds usually make me super thirsty so I need to make sure I have something tasty to drink at all times. Plus, pop goes warm and doesn’t taste good. I can have a Gatorade on my desk all day and it still tastes just as good. 

Anyway, I think I’m going to end here. (So cute, Maizy just heard a doorbell on tv and went to the window and is barking. Good guard doggy!) Like I said, nothing too interesting going on with me right now. Have a good almost Friday everyone! 

Monday morning. No other words needed.

Time for some memes before I get started!

So my boo is up north. I miss him. We started to have a conversation about getting into a relationship, because we basically are, without the title, and only because of me. They all start off nice at first, then things change when they finally have you. We never got to finish the conversation and I feel kind of broken hearted putting my feelings out there like that, only to say I’ll call you back, but never got a call back. I know he fell asleep but my worry an anxiety plus my constant thoughts racing through my head didn’t help because I didn’t sleep.

I didn’t do much this weekend, had a few drinks with my roommate and listened to some old music, I didn’t feel good that say so I puked all over my bed. (lovely scene, I know)

My boo is supposed to be moving into his own place on Wednesday. He wants to take me out on a date and then spend the night at his house. I just don’t want things to change. I have such a horrible concept of what bad versus good actually is. When good is staring my face I say I’m not ready, even though my heart is telling me I want to be with this person.

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I like when we are together. I like the way he treats me, the way he makes me feel, the way he takes care of me, the way he holds me, the way we can just look into each others eyes. I’m getting way to cheesy. I haven’t felt this content with someone in a LONG LONG LONG time. Over 8 years. It’s hard for me to just feel this way again, but I’m do and I’m feeling it hard and I don’t want to push a good thing away over my insecurities. It’s what pushes people away and ruins things. I’m honest to him about everything, even things I don’t want to tell him because I know he won’t like them, but I tell him.

My dad just invited me to have pot roast over for dinner tonight. Does this mean I actually have to shower today? I can’t wear my contacts so trying to put make up on his a whole different level I can’t even see so I’m not even going to try that shit.

I think I’m going to lay in my bed and smoke pot which is probably counteractive but fuck it. It’s 9:30 am on a Monday. What the fuck else am I gonna do?