Selfie post

Hopefully I’ll have some good news to post soon. But until then here’s some photos from today! 

  
  
  
  
  
 
  

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween everyone! I survived my first night out being sober in a “wet” environment. It’s not as bad as everyone makes it out to be. Not for me at least, but the temptation isn’t there. I’m not a big drinker. Some of the people I was with were on some stuff, but again, not tempted. I guess it’s because I know and realize how bad my addiction is and I really have no desire to add fuel to its fire. I guess my willpower is strong enough to just be comfortable in my surroundings. The people around me can do whatever they want, get as fucked up as they want, and I can just do me. I’m obviously still going to have just as much fun as everyone else, and I sure as hell did, let me tell you 😉

My day started off pretty casual. I hung out at my friends house for a little bit. I got there maybe around 3ish. Not sure. She left work early because she wasn’t feeling well, but felt okay by the time I got there. I made sure she was in good spirits and still wanted to go out before I got there. She made sure she wanted to go out no matter what. We dicked around for a little bit. We went to Walmart and got our kitty accessories for our costumes, then some food. We smashed then dropped her son off, then met her brother and his friend up at a restaurant near her house. (and my old house)

A little back story, her brother and I have always had this weird, flirtatious thing going on. We don’t necessarily like each other. Only in certain social situations. However the last time we were together I turned him town (this was right before I went to rehab, and I was certainly not in any condition to go home with anyone, so I give myself major props for turning him down, even though I didn’t necessarily want to.) So the last couple of weeks I have been trying to get him to hang out with me, however he’s been a total douche bag. For some reason, his rejection has been hurting my feelings, despite the fact that I know he’s a complete asshole. It still hurts when someone turns you down. ANYWAY, we met up with him and within the first half hour we were already hardcore flirting with each other. (Is this bad considering I broke up with my boyfriend only the day before, and the last time we hooked up I had just broken up with my boyfriend the day before as well? Oh well.) Sometimes it just makes you feel good when you look good, you feel good, you know you’re doing good, and someone’s picking up what you’re putting down, even if they’re an asshole. I guess that makes it even better.

After the group had a few drinks, we went back to my friends house so we could get ready. We then went to a corn maze because we had free tickets. I DID NOT WANT TO GO. Okay, something about being stuck in a giant maze in the dark doesn’t sound fun at ALL. So naturally we got lost. There were SO MANY CIRCLES. I got ready to go out in my dress and everything before the corn maze so I had leggings and my friends boots on. Thank god I did because it was a muddy ass disaster. My friend and I ended up getting separated from the boys. We got super lost and decided to just go back the way we came. (Which ended up being hard as fuck.) We couldn’t take very long anyway because in order to not pay cover at the bar we had to get there before 9. Mission accomplished.

We thought that the bar would be hopping considering it was almost Halloween. It wasn’t. I encouraged my friend to get drunk anyway because of the great drink specials. It seemed to work. No decent guys there either. Total bummer. Maybe next time? I’d post pictures of my friend and I together, but I only post pictures of myself to protect the identities of all my friends.

Here’s a picture of the dress I wore: (It was totally snug the last time I tried it on. It’s so loose now. It’s a Betsey Johnson)

After we let the bar, we decided to go back to my friends house and play a little beer pong were the heavy flirting continued. What can I say? I dressed up as a sex kitten! (not to be confused with a sexy kitten, hehe) It just comes with the territory. Somewhere around 1:00 it was time to leave, however I wasn’t quite ready to go, if you know what I mean…. 😉

I got home somewhere around 2:30 where my dad bitched me out about how my dog kept waking him up and shit. Uhhhh, why don’t you just put her in my room where she sleeps every night? The same place she goes where she doesn’t wake you up? DUHHHH. He’s being a total douche. I’m almost 30 years old and I really don’t have to explain who the fuck I was with. If you really want to know, I can tell you in exact detail WHO I was doing, yes WHO I was doing, not WHAT I was doing, but since I’m your little girl, I’m pretty fucking sure you don’t want to hear that. I know it’s because I’m “fragile’ just coming out of rehab, but dude, I’ve done this before, I know what my limits are. I know what to do and not to do. I got this.

So that’s the tale of last night. I don’t have any plans for today, actual Halloween. I’m pretty tired. I didn’t get to bed until pretty late then my dog woke me up pretty early. I didn’t have any time to buy her a costume, because she’s so big I’d have to order it online. So instead I found my old ladybug costume from circa 2006 and put it on her. She didn’t seem to mind at all.

I’m just going to be rocking out in this tee all day that I bought for Halloween last year (which I am swimming in because it’s so big on me, but it’s all I have!) with my orange and black eyeshadow on. Peace out dudes!

Broken as fuck

Here’s a pic of one sick patient comforting another. My dog has an ear infection and I broke my tooth today, and fell down the stairs twice the other day. My knees are all cut up and bruised as fuck along with my left elbow. I can’t get in to see a dentist until the morning. Luckily I have weed and some leftover pain medicine and I can barely feel it, but the fact that I still can is crazy because I shouldn’t be in pain right now. Anyway, I’m really falling apart right now because I fell down the stairs too. I’m legit fucked up. I haven’t been taking my medication and I know that hasn’t been helping. My bipolar has been out of control. I know I grind my teeth a lot and I have mini seizures which is why I think my tooth broke. It’s honestly my biggest fear and I’m freaking the fuck out. I want to jump out of my skin. I’m so afraid to look and I haven’t even looked. My friend and good looked at it and said it wasn’t even that bad but I saw the piece in the gum that it broke out in and it looked big but I probably exaggerated. I made good come and stay the night with me because he was already with me when I was at my friends house. They live close by and he took us to the dispensary so it  just so happened that he was with us when this happened. Then her man or just roommate depending on the day made pasta which warms the soul. It was like white cheese macaroni with feta and bacon and tomatoes. So delish. I miss her. I told him I wasn’t going to be a very good patient and not to get offended because he’s sensitive and emotional. Anyway I took some selfies before I broke my tooth and I just ate some pot from the dispensary. This time I had a strawberry giant gummy bear and of course it was all delish.

Update

So I have been in the hospital for a few days. I have a stomach problem that I can’t pronounce nor begin to type. Basically the way I have been treating my body sucks and it’s time for a life altering change. Oprah style. 

  
Change everything I eat completely. An entire lifestyle change. It’s going to kick my ass. Well it already has being cooped up in the hospital. Today I actually feel better so I’m going to the movies in the middle of the afternoon! I fell asleep so fast and hard that I woke up energized as hell. 

  
Selfie. Although it’s warmed up so I’ll probably have to change again. Oh whatever will I wear in that giant closet of mind. Woe is me. Jk. 

I’m just trying to embrace the future for what it’s worth because it’s not a promise. The future is a gift that’s why this is the present. How’s that for knowledge motha fuckas? 

  
Oh this blog wouldn’t be complete without memes!

  

    
 
That is all. Soaking up some sun then going inside to change and see Jurassic Park! And get high.