Happy Mother’s Day to all of you mothers out there! Especially to my mom who is my best friend in the entire world! Here’s a selfie I forced her to take with me (she didn’t want to because she said she looked like shit) then edited it all cute and stuff for her.
I also kind of celebrated Mother’s Day a little myself. NO! NOT LIKE THAT! As of November I became a doggy mommy to Maizy. She is such an amazing dog companion to have since I’ve been out on my own. I’ve always wanted a dog growing up but my dad would never let is. She claimed this unicorn pillow of mine as hers now, which is cute by itself since I love unicorns too AND because she NEVER EVER rips up all my stuffed animals and stuff. But the even cuter thing is that she will carry it from whatever room its in, come into my room when I’m about to go to sleep, and she’ll get on her doggy bed at the foot of my bed and snuggle up with her unicorn pillow. If it’s already in my room and she wants to sleep in the living room she will carry it out there too. It’s SO FUCKING CUTE. How could I possibly be pissed about that? Plus it was a gift I got from my “Secret Santa” thing we did at work this past Christmas. Here’s my baby on her bed with her unicorn.
It didn’t even really occur to me that I’m technically a mom (doggy moms count!) until a “friend” surprised me with a couple little Hello Kitty things he saw. I thought it was incredibly sweet and thoughtful, and of course totally unexpected. (On the left is a little notebook and on the right is a change purse/wallet wristlet)
Now the reason why I quoted “friend” like that is because that’s what we are for sure, but we also have feelings for each other as well. Considering what I just went through, and what I’m STILL going through legally with my ex, I really can’t offer more than that right now. We have a past. Even though most of you don’t know me personally, and just a few of you that read this actually know me outside the internet world, there are certain things I don’t like to talk about regarding some things about my past. I’m an open book about 98% of the time, but there are a couple things I don’t necessarily hide, but I don’t like to bring it up either.
The reason why I am explaining all of this to you is because the circumstances in which we met are pretty fucked up. We met almost 2 years ago when we were in both really bad places in our lives mentally, so there was that immediate connection. We found out that we have a shit load of stuff in common, and we were attracted to each other physically as well. We were never more than just friends back then, and after a while we were barely that. I knew he was in very rocky relationship with someone I knew he wasn’t happy with, but decided to stay with her because they have a kid together. I could understand why she might be a little upset that he was talking to me, but that’s ALL we were doing is talking. We were just talking about our life problems, and it was finally nice for both of us to confide all of our bullshit into someone new, and someone who understood what its like.
We ended up stop talking completely out of no where, and I automatically knew it was due to her insecurities. He recently told me that she actually wrote out all this mean stuff she wanted him to say to me over the phone so it would hurt my feelings so bad that I would hate him for saying it and never speak to him again. He obviously never did it. The fact that someone would go to that far was enough for him to realize she didn’t like it, and he was doing whatever he could to make it work because of his son, he just decided to stop talking to me. It was easier that way.
Well let’s fast forward to present day. We recently got in touch again about a month ago. He was once again in a really bad place mentally, and we kind of just started talking again like we used to. He told me before that he’s always respected me because of something else in my past I overcame, and said that he even looks up to me in a way which is why he turned to me for help. Given what I just went through these last couple of months being with a guy who constantly gets into trouble reallyyyyyyy made it hard to me to actually hang out with him. He has a past with the law too, and has gotten into a lot of trouble, but I guess I see through it. With the last guy I saw through all his troubles too and saw the good person he really is, but I was blinded. I’m thinking it’s because he was the first guy I’ve dated since 2007. YES TWO THOUSAND AND FUCKING SEVEN. So, I let things go.
Now I learned my lesson, the hard way of course, but I learned it. Now I can see the good in this guy, not judge him because of his past, but the blinders are off and my guard is way the fuck up. Another thing that is also very different is the last guy and I didn’t know each other previously, we just met at a bar. This guy now I have known and been friends with for a couple of years. The last guy made me feel like a fucking fool after everything was said and done. How could I let this guy get me so caught up? Lesson learned, and from now on, I’m doing this….
I even find myself not making definite plans with him for anything because that fear of commitment is screaming loud as fuck at me. I finally told him that I can’t & won’t get too far ahead with whatever is going on between us, even when it comes to making simple plans for something. I get anxiety even when he talks about making any sort of upcoming plans. For example, DEMF (Detroit Electronic Music Festival AKA Techno Fest) is coming up on Memorial Day weekend. He was talking to one of my good friends about it and they decided we should all go. I won’t give him a straight answer. Even though I am like 99% sure I will end up going, I just can’t say yes.
I know I’m not the only one because my friend said she feels like this too. But sometimes when I make plans ahead of time, I feel like they are destined to go wrong. Actually now that I think about it, I know for a fucking FACT I’m not the only one who feels this way. Ever hear of this thing called MURPHY’S LAW? Well in case you haven’t, you can click that link and go to the Wikipedia page and read all about it. If you happened to be one of those people that actually click on it, I just have one question for you. Have you been hiding under a rock your whole life? How have you never heard of Murphy’s Law? Anyway, off topic.
For Mother’s Day I was invited by his mom to go out to dinner with his mom, step dad, brother and sister. She absolutely loves me because she knows I’ve always been a positive influence on him and she knows I can actually get through to him, whereas she can’t. His brother and sister didn’t even bring their significant others, and I’m technically not even a significant other. LOL After that I went out to eat with my mommy at our favorite Mexican place that’s right at the end of my street. Well she ate & drank, I just drank since I already ate. Every time I see my mom she always has goodies for me. Here’s what she had for me today.
This is some Hello Kitty party decoration kit. Yeah it’s not my birthday anymore, but it doesn’t say HAPPY BIRTHDAY on it or anything, it just says PARTY which I’m always down for. I can’t wait to hang it up. (I know….pics or it didn’t happen. Stay tuned for that.)
Next is this cute ass strapless floral dress. I typically don’t wear strapless dresses because they require strapless bras (which I hate) and I always just end up pulling it up all night. Well this one is SUPER awesome because it has a built in push up bra already sewn in mother fuckers.
Then she got me a pair of Kate Spade socks. (Yes, I’m aware that I’m spoiled but my mother has made me this way.) I personally would never spend that kind of money on a pair of designer socks, but I didn’t have to. Next to it is a Hello Kitty bracelet that had interchangeable charms! Weeee!
I really didn’t mean for this post to be a huge rant (hence why I had to add “& life” in the title after Mother’s Day) but since I haven’t done a REAL post in a while, there was a lot that needed to be said. I still have more things I need to post about like what happened in court with my ex, what’s happening with my living situation, what’s happening with my landlord fixing my house and being a douche, being unemployed. So yeah, expect a lot of that coming ahead in the near future to a computer screen near you. Ha. You like whatI did there? 😉
It took me so wrong to finish this post that it’s now after midnight on the east coast and technically no longer mothers day. Oh well. My “friend” is going to stay the night tonight because my landlord scheduled for someone to come by between 10-12 tomorrow to inspect my furnace and get its permit. I want him to be here because he knows more about this shit than I do. He actually asked my permission if it was okay for him to go to the casino with his brother tonight. I obviously don’t give a shit so I told him I would wait up for him. What I really meant to say is no I don’t mind but I’m not going to wait up so when you get here you can try calling, but just knock really hard so Maizy will hear you and bark like a mother fucker and wake my ass up. While I’m waiting I’m going to do my nails since they’re horrible. I saw a commercial the other day for a bunch of new nail colors Revlon came out with and was totally obsessed with this one color I saw, but knew it would be about $10 a the store. I decided to pop over to Sally’s Beauty Supply and see if they had any similar colors and sure enough they did. Here’s the color I’m talking about. (If you’ve seen the Revlon commercial, I think it’s almost identical)
Well kiddos, that’s it for me. All you working stiffs out there good luck to you tomorrow/today. (Depending on where your reading from, time zones and shit) Monday’s are the worstttttttttt. I am a tad bit jealous I can’t hate Mondays right now because I don’t have a job, but I’m pretty sure once I get one I’ll regret ever saying that. Keep it real ninjas.
Update: finished product
Second update:
welcome to my happy place 