It’s only Thursday?

I feel like this week has been incredibly long. Maybe it’s because I spent all of last week in the hospital and in an incredible amount of pain, and this week I’m back to waking up early and watching the kids. Even though I don’t have a “real” job yet, it does feel nice to still wake up in the morning and do stuff with my day, even though I don’t have to. When I was unemployed before, my bipolar would keep me so low, that I wouldn’t get out of bed, do anything, go anywhere, or even look for jobs. I just existed, slept all the time, and just wasted away. That’s the OPPOSITE of what I’m doing right now.

I usually wake up around 7 or 8 AM and get ready and watch 3 kids, ages 8, 5 and 3 all day! They’re great kids and they love me so I enjoy it. It helps out my best friend so she doesn’t have to pay for a babysitter or wait on one, since I’m already living here. All I have to do is wake up. I usually wait until the kids are awake before I take a shower but I think after this blog I might try to squeeze one in since they’re still dead asleep. (For now at least)

I’m really looking forward to the weekend because it’s my family reunion in Chicago!

I’ve never been to a family reunion before, so this should be fun. My dad’s side of the family only consists of my dad, my uncle & his wife, me and my sister. So this reunion is on my mom’s side of the family which happens to be quite large. Her cousins live in Chicago and they’re throwing it at their house! I am so excited to see this part of my family! Some of them I haven’t seen in years, and I’ve definitely grown up and changed a lot since the last they’ve seen me. I think I was like 9 or 10 the last time I saw some of my relatives, so this will be a great time to reconnect.

We are leaving tomorrow morning around 8 AM. I asked if we could leave a little later, but of course she said no. Good just moved into a new house, so I might go and stay the night there tonight with all my stuff for my trip, then go to my mom’s house from there in the morning since it’s closer. My mom told me I can just sleep in the car, but the last time I did that on a road trip with her, she got pulled over 3 times for speeding!!! Yeah, so I’m definitely going to stay awake for this one.

I have to get my laundry done, pack, watch the kids, and get everything done before tonight. I want to see good before I go on my trip, but I’ve never stayed at his place before, so I’m a little nervous/uncomfortable. I don’t know why, but I just am. Maybe because his mom lives there, and good and I have been talking for a while, and I haven’t really met his mom or know about her. I’ve only talked with her a few times in a group setting, but never one on one. So she said to him that she feels like she doesn’t even know me, it made me feel kind of awkward. See the image below as a reference of how I feel.

So here’s a picture from yesterday. I didn’t feel like washing my hair or styling it because it’s so frizzy, I managed to whip it back and pull it off. My makeup was on point yesterday too. (I’m posting yesterday’s selfie because I have yet to shower and take one today yet)

Note the matching cross necklace and earrings. Getting my Jesus and fashion on at the same time. Oh here’s something else super cute. My aunt that lives in North Carolina makes these cute ass wreaths. She decided to make me a Hello Kitty one. I’m going to get it this weekend at the reunion! How cute is this?

Let’s see….. I guess that’s really all that I have to post on today. It’s only 9:30 and I’ve managed to already do laundry, make my bed, go to my aunt & uncles house, go for coffee, talk to my friend for a bit, and write this blog! I’d say I’m on a good track of productivity today so getting things ready for my trip should be pretty easy….. That is if I keep this pace up. Anyway, I will try and blog while I’m gone, I’m going to take my laptop with me, and my phone of course! I’m sure I’ll put up a post tomorrow because Fridays are my favorite days to post! (They have great Friday memes too) Catch you guys later.

PS, I’ve been working on some rap songs. I got a few tracks down. Get ready for your mind to be blown. I went from being a classical musician and singer, to a rap artist. Yeah that’s whats up.

 Oh PPS, I got a call from a job yesterday saying that I didn’t get the job that I applied for which was a customer service call center position. HOWEVER, they want me for mortgage brokering. I’d have train for 4 months to be certified, then start working with an uncapped commission. The job requires a credit check, I don’t know what they’re looking for. I don’t have good credit, but I have also nothing HUGE or bad on there like foreclosure, bankruptcy, anything like that so……hopefully that goes well!

Up before 9. WOW

It’s the coffee I’m telling ya. I’m supposed to be watching the girls today but they’re currently asleep at their friends house down the street. What will most likely happen is that they’ll wake up, come down here and change, eat, and go back down and play. This babysitting gig is easy when I don’t have the 3 year old. I just have 2 amazing little girls today! I also got a letter from the post office saying my mail forwarding went through and that’s great. I turned in the keys to my old place. BYE BYE BYE!

See you in court clown faces. They tried to change the court date on him and my (possible) attorney can’t make that date either, so now they’re even fighting about dates. This is fucking amazing. I did leave some stuff in my old place that I didn’t want anymore, and the power got kicked off before I could empty the fridge, so I left all THAT for them too. Plus my dog tore the fuck up out of my blinds and they’re scattered all over the floor, so I’d imagine the other attorney is going to try and seek damages for that too. Bitch, please.

I have a doctors appointment today to establish care with a new doctor. I’m pissed because I saw my old one for 20+ years, however it’s in the same practice. It’s all because I have new insurance. So I am having just a check up today. Then they want me to have another physical exam, even though I had one in February. Whatever insurance, your paying not me. Not my problem!

Ha memes are awesome for anything. For example:

Also, it’s Throwback Thursday, so this is pretty funny…

Or we even got stuff like this….

And if I had a job, or if you presently do, this is great too…

Anyway, what I wanted to talk about is deep. We learn everything from our families. Who we are as people, some of our values, others we develop on our own, but mostly our perception on relationships themselves. When you see your life as a kid through as an adult things start to make more sense. I realize that my problem with relationships come from my parents staying in an unhappy marriage for the sake of the kids, me and my sister. Worst mistake ever. I think they would have been much happier if they divorced at a young age they would be much happier people. But it made me not want to be in a relationship, or any sort of commitment which I posted about a few days ago. I’m lucky that’s the worst thing that happened to me because it’s emotionally scarring and damaging, and we carry it for the rest of our lives.

My friend recently told me a really saddening story about a guy she seeing. As a kid his mom sent him to live with his dad, then lived there for a few years, and sent him back to his moms for the summer, and didn’t talk to him for 10 years. I couldn’t believe how tragic that is. That’s a piece of you, your life. It explains so much about him though, and I tried to explain it to her. I can only assume that he thinks people are going to leave him out of the blue without warning. It’s hard for her because she can’t really get close to him because I’m sure he’s built this wall up since that happened as a kid and it’s going to take a lot to break down. Like I said we learn everything from our families, and then when we get with other people, we basically bring what we know into the relationship, although we have two totally different ideas of the concept of a relationship. Just like how my dad treated my mom like shit, I too chased after guys who treated me like shit. I didn’t even realize that’s a wall I had built up, and they were the wrong people so they never wanted to knock it down, just knock me down.

His walls are built up so high that she is having a hard time within their relationship because of this. I feel bad for my friend too because all she wants and deserves is love, affection, attention, support, and she can’t get that from him right now. All I can offer is my support to her and tell her these things myself, because she’s a wonderful person, and I really don’t think she gets the all the credit she deserves for everything she does, for pretty much everyone. I love you girl, you know I do. You’ll break through and I hope it turns into a wonderful thing, because you deserve it.

Well I suppose I should try to catch a shower sometime in here before these kiddos get home, although I would like to indulge in more coffee and cigarettes. Mneh, I’ll wait

I had my interview yesterday, and I think it went great. They went through a basic questionnaire with me, and I think I did really well. I had a hard time answering what my career path was. I wanted to be like look lady, I take shit one day at a time. I hustle, I can do websites, blogging, Google advertising all on the side, I can do any job in the corporate world, starting down from the bottom and working my way up. I love doing sales, and this job requires a lot of upselling which I’m good at and have always had to do, even back at my days working at Chili’s. Those people wanted us to upsell like everything. Jesus, if they want it they’ll order it. I still did it though cause it was my job, so a lot of people ate shit they didn’t want, but I made them want it.

I’m waiting to hear for a call back from the woman I originally talked to, and who called me for the interview. The person who interviewed me said that she was going to give the questionnaire to her, and she seemed to already like me over the phone. But then after that I got a little depressed getting my hopes up. Like why would they want me?

I put zero effort into finding this job, but it’s a good job and one I’d like to have so I really hope it does work out for me. They said it’s really similar to one of my previous jobs in how they’re setup, and well not to brag but I was the top sales agent there, with a 42′ flat screen and xBox 360 with Kinect to prove it mother fuckers. Basically my life is like this when I work:

Well followers and readers, keep your fingers and toes crossed for me. I’d cross my toes if I could but I just broke about 5 of them from moving. OH well. Let’s see where today’s discovery will take me… See you tomorrow or later. 🙂